MRS HIGGINBOTTAM'S EFFORTS TO MAKE HOME ATTRACTIVE.

Dunstan Times, Issue 980, 28 January 1881, Page 3

MRS HIGGINBOTTAM'S EFFORTS TO MAKE HOME ATTRACTIVE.

Mrs Higginbottom, as a first step, visited her hus'-au t’s favoiite concert saloon under the proteation of a disguise ami a detective • mean W licii she had learned What were the attractions which most powerfully appealed to Mr ITigginbottom’s mind, she proceeded to reproduce them as far as practicable in h-r own bouse. She had the pari -r carpe” taken in and the hare fl ior nicely sprinkled with beer and the stumps of cigars. She removed the pictures from the walls, in I hung in their places cheap and gaudy ohromos representing imp ssible yming women in undesirable c isMimcs. Two dirty Woolen tabled aK.t a supply o' wooden chairs fioffi the kitchen completed the .furniture of the rouh, and it began to assume a really attractive ap pt-arance. Before the hour of her husband’s return from bis liusni ss, Mrs Hirginhottnm Irred a man to play on an accin'con and ano her to torture a violin, besides three professional drunkards of great indecency of appear meo and conduct, and a notorious burglar kin By-.furnished for the occasion Iry the po'icS c.-ipEiin of the precinct. There wc-e in the kitchen two Irish girls who Were decidedly Ugly.' lint who wore cleart, de.-mt, and molest girls. These two sue instructed in the art of serving beer an I spirits, and dressed them in costumes that were extr -m-ly uilgar, though'they could not-be said to he improper. Having thus Arranged All things, she met her husband at the door and escorted him to the dining ro on, where ho ate his dinner, unconscious of the transformation that had been wrought in bis front parlor After dinner Mr Higginbottom lit his cigar, and rc'maikel that Ire must go out for an Ip air or two' to see S friend. His wife, with a swee' ami'e, told him that he need not go out for she had finally discovered how to make home attractive to him Bo saying, she shoved him into the pll lor, an I led him to a seat at one of the dirty tahh s ’The fiddler and the accordeon player immediately struck tip; the drunkards, at a sign, from Mrs Higginpttom, began to swear and wrangle,-and f ie burglar si Ho.l up to, Mr Higgin'iottom. and invited him to' take a drlnt. The two D ish girls brought beer and snilled it on Mr Higcinbottxim’s table ; they'called him “ Dear,” and asked him to “ open a bottle qf wine.” and.Mrs Mi apo’o.dsing for the fact that they were undeniably decent girls, assure I her husband that she was confident that she hid finally learned how to make heme attrac ive. ;. that she hoped to spend many j By evenings with him, and would like a hot whisky without any further delay. Mr Higginbottom was at first completely dazed, but in a .-few.moments he recovered his reason. He ordered the girls to go into the kitchen and stay there, and he pitched the drunkards nut of the front door. and. ordered the musicians mid the burglar tot follow them. Then he informed his wife that tie ha I been an idiot of the largest size, and that if she would restore the parlor to its former condition he would stay at homo and make no further complaint of its Want of attractiveness.—New York Times.