JOSH BILLINGS ON THE MULE.

Dunstan Times, Issue 842, 7 June 1878, Page 3

JOSH BILLINGS ON THE MULE.

Tho rauie is haf Loss, and Laf Jackass, and then hums tu a full stop,'natur diskoveriug her mistake. Tha weigh more, akordin tu their heft, than enny other kreetur, except a crowbar. Tha kant hear enny quicker, nor further than tho boss, yet their ears are big enuff for snow shoes. You kan trust them with enny one whose life aiut worth enny more than the mules. The only wa tu keep them into a pastor, is tu turn them into a medder jineing, and let them jump out. Tha are reddy for use, just as soon as tha will du tu abuse. Tha haint got enny friends, and will live on huckel berry brush, with an ockasional', chanso at Kanada thissels. Tha are a modern invenshun, i dont think the Bible deludes tu them at tall. Tha sel for more money than enny other domestik auiraile. Yu kant tell their ago by looking into their mouth, enny more than you kould a Mexican cannons. Tha never hav no disease that a good club wont heal. If tha ever die tha must kum rite tu life agin, for i never herd nobody sa “dedmule.” Tha are like sum men, very korrupt at harte ; ive known them tu be good mules for 6 months, just tu get a good chanse tu kick sumbody. 1 never owned one, nor never mean to, unless there is a United Staits law' passed, requiring it. The only reason why tha are pashunt, is bekause tha are ashamed of themselfs. I have seen eddikated mules in a sirkus. Tha kould kick, and bite, tremonjis. 1 would not sa what I am forced tu [sa again the mule, if his birth want an outrage, and man want tu blame for it. Enny man who is willing tu drive a mule, ought to be exempt by lav/ from running for the legislator. Tha are the strongest creeturs on earth, and heaviest, ackording tu their size ; I herd tell ov one who fell oph from the tow path, on the Eri kanawl, and sunk as soon as he touched bottom, but he kept rite on towing the boat tu the nex stashun. breathing thru his cars, which stuck out ov tho water about 2 feet 6 inches; didn’t see this did, but an auctioneer told me ov it, and 1 never knew an auctioneer tu lie unless it was absolutely convenient.