ONE OF CAPTAIN WHEELER’S YARNS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 804, 14 September 1877, Page 4

ONE OF CAPTAIN WHEELER’S YARNS.

A. correspondent of the Auckland Herald furnishes it with the following •amusing story, as told by Captain Wheeler of the Hawea : Captain Wheeler told the queerest of his many stories, some of which ought to be saved from oblivion. That about the man at the wheel is admirable. One day the Hawea was steaming out of Akaroa, the entrance to which is narrow in parts, and the ■captain was with some of thepassengers in the smoking-room. Suddenly at the door - appeared a passenger, who is, or was, a respectable lawyer in Akaroa, and in an excited voice asked for some one to come to the wheel, and immediately ran off again. This he repeated about a dozen times, tapping at a window, and givingan inarticulate expression of fear, accompanied by an objurgation that the vessel would be on the rocks, as no one was at the wheel, and it was most disgraceful. Off ho would dart again, and whirl the wheel half round to starboard or port and steady” again working the ship out of the port and out of danger both, •as he believed. At last enters to the Captain, Paddy Bor.field, then third mate, and not quite unknown in Auckland. “If you please, sir,” said Paddy, “ here’s a fool of a passenger will keep meddling with the wheel,” and, he added with a twinkle in his eye, “interfering with the navigation of the ship.” “ Oh, it,’s all right,” said the master, “if it pleases him it don’t hurt the ship.” Then a brief colloquy was heard •outside. Paddy : “ What the are you doing meddling with that wheel 1” Volunteer Steersman : “ Meddling 1 V , 'hy, this is the most disgracefully managed ship I ever saw ; not a soul at the wheel, and (here he gave another rapid turn to port) the ship and passensei's in danger of running on the rocks every moment. -Steady '” Paddy: “Why you infernal fool, that wheel don’t work ; the rudder is worked from the bridge, that one goes round and round, and does not move the rudder when the other is at work. Clear out 1” And it was so ; for three-quarters of an hour this generous volunteer had been spinning round the stern wheel with no more effect than if he had been spinning a teetotum. Hereupon the lawyer-tnrned-seainan made his appearance at the door, hat in hand, and ’■ho perspiration streaming from his face, the result of his own shamefacpdness. Since then he never hears the word “ port” or “ starboard” without remembrance of his own astonishing trick at the wheel. Sir Richard Birnie, the celebrated London magistrate, had an especial objection to carving. His manners were courtly, and his style was old-fashioned and dignified. Upon one occasion he did what in another might have been deemed an impudent thing •with readiness and ap'omb. At a largo public dinner a fine haunch of venison was placed before him. Those near him watched with some curiosity to see how he would submit to an infliction he so thoroughly detested. They had not long to wait. In a tone of voice which attracted universal attention, he said, “ Every one here will of conrse partakoof this magnificent haunch.” “ I will not,” was heard from some distance <lown the table. “ Then,” said Sir Richard, *■' waiter, take up this venison, and place it before the gentleman who will not have any. In this way wo will secure perfect impartiality in its distribution. We will have justice done us—no selection of tit-bits. Take it to him instantly !” “I resort to wine to stimulate my wits,” said a young spendthrift to an old one.— " Ah,” replied the veteran, “ that is tho •way I began ; but now I have to resort to cay-wits to got my wine.”