MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 766, 22 December 1876, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

—“O A poetical American barber, -who deals in spirits as well as lather, attracts no slight custom to his shop by the following lines fixed over his door : “Hove not from pole to pole, but here turn in. Where nought 'exceeds the shaving, but the yin.” A lady of distinguished rank, wishing to consult a celebrated physician, called with her daughter. The servant took in her card, and returned, overpowered with po-' liteness, begging her “ ladyship would follow him to the insulting room.” A celebrated physician once said to Lord Eldon’s brother, Sir William Scott, rather more flippantly than became the gravity of his profession, “You know, after forty, a man is always either a fool or a physician.” —The Baronet archly replied, in an insinuating voice, “ Perhaps you may be both, doctor. A prominent citizen rushed into one of our dry-goods stores, and stopped at the button counter ;he had >, small piece of brown silk in his hand, and he asked the smiling clerk if he had any buttons to match that. “ Plenty, sir,” was the answer ; will you have them by the gross ?’ “No sir ?” roared the citizen, “ I want them by the bushel—cartload-ton ! I want them sent up in waggons, and backed into my cellar until it is full and running over. I’m sick of hearing ‘ J-o-h-n, did you match those buttons ?’ lam not going to spend the rest of my days running round trying to match impossible colors? There's my cheque, but I tell you I won’t feel myself till I’ve laid in my winter’s supply of buttons.”—American paper. The other evening a very excited man called at the Chicago contra! police station, and demanded a warrant for the arrest of his neighbour for slander. He was told how to bring about such a result; and then he wanted to know what damages ho could probably recover. “ What is the slander ?” asked the chief officer. “ Why, he says 1 stole two hogs, and was sent to gaol.” “And didn’t you steal two hogs?” "1 did.” “And didn’t you go to gaol?” “ Yes, sir.” “Well, then, how can it be a. slander for him to say so ?” asked the officer.. “ Well, I just want them to understand,” shouted the indignant man, “that a fellow can steal two hogs and go to gaol, and still have a big pile of good character left.” A capital story is told of a dandified attachi at Constantinople, who travelled into Koordistan, intending to copy Layard, and write a book. Ho was what he called roughing it, with six or seven horses carrying his necessaries— i.e. , a few things he could not possibly do without. Among them were the wooden frames for cleaning his hoots and shoes, and a case of bottles of a particularly fine varnish for its polished leathers. He was attacked by the natives, who overhauled his kit. When they came to the bottles they opened them, and, the varnish being made with Madeira and scented with all sorts of good things, it smelt so nice that that the thieves thought it must be something to drink. In vain did he explain that it was paint for his hoots They were sure that it was too delicious for that, and, in order to try, he should drink some ; so they took out one of his own cht glass tumblers and made him drink a glass of his own hoot-varnish ! The Wimbledon meeting of 187(5 has Leon one long series of triumphs for England. To England, in the person of Sergeant Pullman, fell the Queen’s Prize ; the English team harried off the Elcho Shield ; England defeated Canada in the competition for the i’ajah of Eolapore’s Cup; the LOyd-Lindsay Prize was won by ah English squad, and on July 22, the last competition of the fortnight—the Victorian Match—was won by the English five.