MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 730, 14 April 1876, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

- o Nautical.—Boatmen are apt to bo crafty. Shakspeare’s Hamlet.—Stratford. How toj'mako homo happy. —Some men do it by staying at homo, and some by staying away. An ludianopolis genius has coined the verb “to hence,” and the noun “ betweenity.” Victor Hugo says that woman is the conundrum of the nineteenth century. We may bo unable to guess her, but we won’t give her up. Scotch method.—A Morayshire farmer recently sent the following message to the lady of his love—“ That, gin she dosna ha’ me, I wanna kill mysel’, but I’ll pine awa’l” An'old gentleman who went to meet two pretty nieces for whom he was legal guardian, told his wife he was' going to a ward meeting. A 'merchant not over conversant with geography, on hearing that one of his vessels was in jeopardy, exclaimed, “Jeopardy, jeopardy, where’s that?” A man latel advertised that for five

shillings he would send to any address a handsome package containing one hundred presents Each package turned out to be a paper of pins. An editor having in a dense crowd acci dentally stepped on the toe of one next him, asked pardon for his carelessness. “ Never mind its only an error of the press,” was the reply. Economy. - Economy is the art of drawing inasmuch as one can; but, unfortunately, young ladies will apply this “ drawing in” to their own bodies, when they wish to avoid anything like a “waist.” At a women’s convention in Milwaukie. a gentleman remarked that a woman was the most wicked thing in creation. “Sir,” was the indignant reply of one of the ladies, “woman was made from man, and if one rib is so wicked, what must the whole body be ?” A celebrated French preacher, in a sermon on ;the duties of wives,jsaid—“l ,sce in this congregation a woman who has been guilty of disobedience to her husband, and in order co point her out 1 will fling my breviary at her head.” He lifted his book, and every female head instantly ducked. One of the show urchins in the infant class of a Yankee village school was asked to tell the'"clergyman - how many he, could count. He proceeded without any break up to ten, and then paused. “ Good boy,” said the. clergyman; can’t you go any further?” The boy then ;added, “Knave queen, king.” A’ low phaeton, driven by an' elegantlyattired lady, and with a trim and neatly dressed colored boy perched on the seat behind, was passing through the streets of New York, when he was espied by art old negro woman.%“Bress de Lord,” she exclaimed, raising her„ bands as she spoke, ‘•I never ’spected ~to see dat ! Wonder what dat cu’lucl young gemmen pays dat white young ’oman for driving dat kerridge? I know’d it’d come, but never ’spected to lib to see it. Dis nigga’s ready to go ’way now 1”

A Safe Driver.—A railroad engineer at Harrisburg, having been discharged, applied to be reinstated. “You were dismissed,” said the superintendent “ for letting your train come into collision. ’’ “ The very reason, ” said the other, interrupting him, “ why, sir, if I had any doubt before as to whether two trains can pass each other on the same track, I am now en tirely satisfied ; I have tried it twice, sir, and it can’t he done, and I am not likely to try it again.” He regained his situation. Spiritualism at Sau Francisco has received a curious chock. It was announced that one night, the spirit of “ a young Indian warrior,” admirably dressed for the part, would mako his appearance. When the lights were turned down, and the medium had retired to his cabinet, there came a sudden tremendous crash from the ceiling to the door, and the timid spiritualists skedaddled downstairs, tumbling over each other in their panic Some of the bolder remained. Presently, the lights being put out a large hole was visible in the ceiling, while “ a young Indian warrior,” admirably dressed for the part, lay groaning on the floor with his head broken. The tableau was complete when the medium eme'ged from the cabinet, and exclaimed angrily, “ What made ycu step between the j’ists That’s just bust the business !”