MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 723, 25 February 1876, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Flat falsehood—lying on your back. Why is a hen immortal ’—Because her son never sets. What may one always have his pockets filled with, even when they are empty ? Holes. School-houses, where the teachers believe in corporal punishment, are now supposed to be the best whaling grounds. “Are oysters healthy !” asked an old lady of her physician. “I never heard any of them complain of being unwell,” was the reply. “Papa, are you growing taller all the time?”—“ No, my child ; why do you ask?” —“’Cause the top of your head is poking up through your hair.” A petrified negro was lately found in a garret over'a law office. It is supposed that ho undertook the study of the law, and became absorbed in Blackstone. From the journal of a Henglish tourist in America. Talk habout your ‘ Yankee Doodle.' Their natural toon is the spittoon !” A young lady had coquetted until the victim was completely exhausted. He rose to go away. She whispered, as she accompanied him to the door, “ I shall be at home next Sunday evening.” “So shall I,” he replied. Smoke and be Philosophical.—A philosopher writes :—The girl is generally educated on novels, and her first disappointment comes in on the quiet indifference of the husband after the honeymoon. ‘ You love me no longer,’ said a bride of a few months to her tetter-half in his gown and slippers. ‘ Why do you say that ?’ he asked, quietly, removing a cigar from his lips. ‘You do not caress me, nor call me pet names. You no longer seek anxiously for my company,’ was the tearful answer. ‘My dear, continued the aggravating wretch, ‘ did you ever notice a man running after a conveyance ? How he does run—over stones through mud, regardless of everything— till he reaches the conveyance. And he seizes hold and swings on. Then he quietly seats himself and reads his paper.’ ‘And what does that mean?’ ‘An illustration, my dear. The conveyance is as important to the man after he gets in as when he is chasing it; but the manifestation is no longer called for. 1 would have shot any one who put himself in my way when in pursuit of you, as I would now shoot anyone who would come between us. But, as a proof of my love, you insist upon my running after the conveyance. Learn to smoke, my dear, and be a philosopher. The two combined clear the brain, quiet the nerves, open the pores, and improve digestion. The tallest chimney in the world is the Townsend chimney, Glasgow, Scotland. It was built by Hobert Corbett, of Glasgow, for Joseph Townsend, of Crawford-street Chemical Works. The total height from foundation to top of coping is 4CS feet, and from ground lino to summit 454 feet ; the outside diameter at foundation being 60 feet, at ground surface 32 feet, and at top of coping 12 feet 8 inches. The number of bricks used in the erection were as follows : Common bricks in chimney, 1,142,532 ; composition and lire bricks for inside cone, 157,478; common bricks for flues. &c., 100,000; total, 1,400,000. The weight of bricks at 5 tons per 1000 is equal to 7000. When within 5 feet of completion, the chimney was struck by a gale from the northcast, which caused it to sway 7 feet 9 inches off the perpendicular, and it stood several feet less in height than before it swayed. To bring back the shaft to its true vertical position, “ sawing back ” had to ho resorted to, which was performed by Mr Townsend’s own men, ton working in relays, four at a time sawing, and two pouring water on the saws. The work was done from the inside on the original scaffolding, which had not been removed. Holes wore first punched through the sides to admit the saws, which were wrought alternately in each direction at the same joint on the aide opposite the inclination, so that tho chimney was brought back in a slightly oscillating mannon This was done at twelve different heights, and the men discovered when they were gaining by tho saws Retting tightened by the superincumbent weight.

“ This house for sail,” was the announcement a traveller saw nailed over the door of a humble dwelling in Now Hampshire. He called the proprietor to the door, and gravely inquired: “When is your house going to sail ?” “ When some feller comes along who can raise the wind,” responded the man with a twinkle in his eye, and the traveller moved mournfully on. “Keep ’em alive, boy, keep'em alive,” said an old physician to his young brother practitioner. “Dead men pay no bills.’’ Nautical Terms.—The following is an old sailor’s direction to a dentist“ Tis the aftermost grinder -aloft, on the starboard quarter.