JOURNALISTIC SPLEEN.

Dunstan Times, Issue 720, 4 February 1876, Page 3

JOURNALISTIC SPLEEN.

[Wo do not hold ourselves responsible for opinions expressed by correspondents.]

(TO THE EDITOR OF THE DUNSTAN TIMES.) Sir Whatever, Mr Editor of the Const an Times, have you been doing to your brother here at Cromwell ? Surely, yon must have had a very serious fall-out to so rise the ire of the bilious Editor of the Argus, who, this time, has permitted his wrath positively to boil over in his columns. I suppose the real cause of your contemporary taking such an unaccountable interest In the DoNSTAN Times and the doings of its

correspondents is, that them is no news at home or rather, that the Argus fails to discover anything novel or nowabout Cromwell and of interest to its residents hero. By the columns of the Argus I perceive that the Editor has been on a visit to the Bannockburn, but the news ho supplies us long suffering subscribers is twaddle of the most childish description. He informs us that a certain Baker there has erected now and commodious promisesffo meet the increasing demand for 41b. loaves, mutton pies, and lollypops, while the said Bakereveranxious for the welfare of his “ Good Templar ” customers, has provided special accommodation whereby they may indulge in refreshing, but non-intoxicating beverages, while the Editor proceeds further to inform us that, the show of good things ” in this tradesman’s shop is very inviting and appetising, and exactly suited to the wants of the large number of “ Good Templars,’’who visit the chief Town of the Bannockburn. Having so grandiloquently disposed of the Baker, he dilates upon the merits of a firm of Butchers and Storekeepers, and tells us how they too, have made extensive improvements to their premises, and which have become quite a feature in the rising Town of Quartzville. Then, we are told of the comfortable dwellings and carefully tended cabbage gardens which everywhere met hisJEditorial eye, and he sums up thus grandly, “ that the owners have established their home, and(passed;out of the ranks of the nomadic digger.” What all this moans 1 am’at_a loss to [.learn, aud unless the mystery is explained to me in the next issue of the Argus; 1 shall most assuredly have my name struck off the subscription roll Our Editor, in no bettor humor apparently, arrives home at' Cromwell, and complains loudly about the dust and the roads, how that on Monday, the driver of the Mail Coach was so blinded that he was compelled to feel his way,(until he managed to borrow a matchfandjight. his lamps ; and how, a horse returning in a storekeeper’s waagon was so choked with the insidious particles, that the poor animal was only relieved by a bath in the river. Then our Editor complains of the dryness of the season, and explains that suffering as the district does from drought, (possibly of a literary nature) raining news has become almost nil.. Then, Mr Editor of the Dunstan Times, your brother of the Cromwell Argus, his soul being in arms, and eager for the fray, becomes valiant, and attends a meeting called for the purpose of forming a Volun teer Rifle Corps, at which meeting a goodly’ muster of young men are present, and Mr Stephen Noble Brown is enthusiastically voted to the chair. The Chairman, as a matter of course, makes a most patriotic speech, and calls upon every one present k to enlist at once, and with that enthusiasm evoked only by a sense of the wrongs inflicted upon the district, and the ■worthy Chairman in'particular, enjoins them that, as soon as(they'are) sufficiently trained to present arms, [to do so at the first bunße of copies of the Dunstan TiMEslthey meet entering the Town from Clyde, and then and there to drive it over the bridge into the Molyneux, together with the Editor of the said paper - , or any of his staff of officers who might be accompanying that odious Journal, deeming such a vile production as the Dunstan Times, together with its increased sin of having such a large circulation in Cromwell, also, that it is so universally read by all of its citizens, to be utterly opposed to the interests of the Argus, and deserving to be put down at the point of the bayonet accordingly. The effect of this gunpowder meeting had such an effect upon the Editor of the Argus that, he burns with combativeness, and pen in hand he attacks the Dunstan Times, the Dunstan. and all its belongings. He evidently intended when he dipped his pen into the ink to write you down in a specially prepared leading article, because you could not see any immediate necessity for a Warden and Resident Magistrate being stationed at Cromwell, but his bilious indignation got the better of him, his ideas could not be committed to paper, and his temper was beyond all control; so, after numerous efforts ho was compelled to leave the leading article unfinished, and content himself with a paragraph that he “ must defer the duty until next week.” The nerves of the Editor of the Argus still appear to remain unstrung in spite of himself, and he raves somewhat incoherently. At first ho says in one paragraph- “ That we do not often notice anything appearing in the Dunstan Times, but he evidently departs from that established rule, and devotes to you a considerable amount of space in his reading columns, and proceeds to drag you through the mire, but is unable to do so, and reluctantly leaves you master of the field, succeeding only in bctonling and begriming himself, and disgusting his readers by his illogical low-minded, mean and spiteful vaporiugs. 1 must give you this credit Mr Dunstan Times that when you take up a position you provide good sound argument to back it up, but it is not so with the Argus, which only jumps at conclusions, or uses an old woman’s argument that “ because it so, so it is.” Having failed this wise to pierce your thick rhinoserous hide, he attacks weaker and more vulnerable game, that is, ho assails those who, from their position, are unable to defend themselves. Our Worthy Magistrate and the Bush Lawyers get it hot, the former red hot, while I find upon the most minute enquiry that, like many of the grave and serious charges emanating from the Argus, they are only a baseless fabrication of malicious untruths. One of these charges is that in the Resident Magistrate’s Court the Reporter of the Argus is continually crowded out of his chair, wherein ho should set, and faithfully record, instead of pervertng, all this which is spoken by the Bench. Now, I know that to be a most unfounded charge, no reporter of the Argus has been seen in the Resident Magistrate or Warden’s

Court for tlio last throo mouths pnst, and yet thoro has invariably boon a vacant chair. Tho Court actually paying respect to the Argus when tho Argus fails to pay respect to tho Court. Tho next attack assumes another form, and is in tho shape of a letter beaded ‘’Tho Bench and tho Bar,” signed ley Mr Charles Colclough. This Mr Colclough evidently considers himself to bo an ill-used individual, his sinning being (go he charges himself) that ho was tho principal promoter of tho late movement for the removal of the Warden from Clyde to Cromwell, and that his patriotism had incurred tho displeasure of that high official. Like tho editor of tho Argus, Mr Colclough must bo suffering from hallucination of mind, or that the writings of tho Dunstan Times have disturbed the calm serenity usually prevailing in his upper storey, and he delivers himself after the maimer of a wronged and slighted individual, and one upon whose devoted head all sorts of imaginary evils have been heaped. Mr Colclough tells us that when he was admitted to appear as an agent, it was with discouraging and stern tones that the Warden accepted his application, while, whenever ho advocates the cause of a client, the Warden has none but discouraging remarks for his ear, directing his approving tones and winning smiles to the other side of the table, meaning towards the newly admitted agent, Mr E. A. Drury, the correspondent for the Dunstan Times, which gentleman’s application to practice in the Court as an agent was most graciously acceded to, moreover, that that gentleman is the recipient of the smiles and blandishments of the Court. Mr Editor, much as I respect Mr Colclough as a Town Clerk, genial friend, etc., I am sorry to find that so much bile has suddenly been mixed up in his system, I also feel assured that he does not actually mean what he writes. The whole fault of the matter is due to this, that while bathing the other sultry morning, he, by accident, changed shirts with the editor of the Argus, hence all this bad blood and ill-feeling. Mr Editor, it is a libel on the Warden to say that he smiles benignedly and encouragingly upon Mr Drury, and who also comes in for all the blandishments of the Court, (the latter I always considered to be a feminine accomplishment), while he frowns upon Mr C. Colclough. Mr Warden Simpson is, without a doubt, the best and most impartial Warden the Dunstan ever had, while his decisions scarcely fail hut to give almost universal satisfaction to suitors. As to his being guilty of saying things on the Bench which he would not repeat off of it, Mr Simpson is too much of a gentleman to do any such thing. I must apologise, Mr Editor, for this long letter, but the scurrilous, mean attacks made upon you by the Cromwell Argus in its last issue are so opposed to everything which is gentlemanly, that, as a liberal-minded citizen of Cromwell, I feel constrained to vindicate your cause by mshing into print. With deep regret at finding the printer’s art made the vehicle of so much envy, hatred, malice, and uncharitableness, I consign the Cromwell Argus to the tender mercies of the Town Scavenger, and remain,—Yours, etc., A Citizen of Ckomwell.