ABOUT ICE CREAM.

Dunstan Times, Issue 717, 14 January 1876, Page 3

ABOUT ICE CREAM.

o He slipped into an ice-cream saloon very so tly, and when the girl asker him what he wanted he replied : “ Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles, and mince pie.” “ This is net a restaurant; this is an ire cream parlor,” she said. “ Then why did you ask me what I wanted 1 Why didn’t you bring out your ice-cream ¥’ She went after it, and asshe returned he continued: “ You see, my dear girl, you must infer —you must reason. It isn’t likely that I would come into an ice cream parlor to buy a trrindstone, is it! You didn’t think I came in here to ask you if you had any baled hay, did youi She looked at him in great surprise, and he went on , “ If I owned a hardware store, and you came in, I would infer that you came for something in my line I wouldn’t step out and ask you if you wanted to buy a mule, would I V’ She went away highly indignant. A n old lady was devouring a dish of cream at the next table, and the stranger, after watching her for a moment, called out: “ My dear woman, have you found any hairs or buttons in vour dish 1” “ Meicy ! no!” she exclaimed, as she wheeled around and dropped her spoon. “ Well, I’m glad of it,” he continued, “ If you find any just Jet me know.”

She looked at him for halfa-minute, picked up the spoon, laid it down again, and then rose up and left tho room. She must have said something to tho proprietor, for ho came running in and exclaimed: “ Did you tell that woman that there were hairs and buttons in ray ice cream 1” “No, sir.” “You didn’t!” “No sir, I did not; t merely requested her, in case she found any such ingredients, to inform me " “ Well, sir, that was a mean, trick.” “My dear sir, said the stranger, smiling sfitly, “did you expect me to ask the woman if she had found a crow-bar or a sledge-hammer in her cream 1 It is impossible, sir, for such articles to lie hidden away in such small dishes.” The proprietor went away growling, and as the stranger quietly supped away at his cream two young ladies came in, sat down near him, and ordered cream and cakes. He waited until they had eaten a little and then remarked: “ Beg pardon, ladies, but do you observe anything peculiar in the taste of this O' earn ! They tasted, smacked their lips, and were not certain. “ Does it taste +o you as if a plug of tobacco had fallen into the freezer 1” he asked “ Ah ! kah !” they exclaimed, dropping their spoons and trving to spit out what they had eaten. Both rushed out, and it wasn’t long be;ore the proprietor rushed in. “ See here, what in blazes are you talking about 1” he demanded “ What do you mean by plug tobacco in the freezer ?” “ My kind friend, I asked the ladies if this cream tasted of plug tobacco. 1 don’t taste any such taste, and I don’t believe you used a bit of tobacco in it!” “Well, you don’t want to talk that way around here !’’ continued the proprietor. “My ice cream is pine, and tho man who says it isn’t tells a bold lie !” He wont away again, and a woman with a long neck and a sad face sat down and said to the girl that she wnild take a small dish of lemon ice. It was brought, and she had taken about two mouthfuls when tho stranger inquired ; “ Excuse me, madam, but do you know how this cream was made—have you an idea that they grated turnip and chalk with the cream 1” She didn’t reply. She slowly rose up, wheeled around, and made for the door. The stranger followed after, and, by great good luck, his coat-tails cleared the door an instant too soon to be struck by a five-pound box of figs hurled with great force by the indignant proprietor. As lie reached the kerbstone he halted, looked at the door of the parlor and soliloquised : “There are times when people should infer and there are times when they shouldn’t. I suppose if I had asked that woman if she thought they bashed up a sawmill in the cream she’d have felt a circular-saw going down her throat.” AN IRREGULAR PROFILE. —o— In an article in the Gontemporarv Review, Mr Julian Hawthorne, writing of duels between German students, savs ;—“ Once he was present at a notable duel between two renowned fencers ; and for a long time the advantage was on neither side ■No cut had been given ; it was feared that their skiT would l>e perfoct—Hat thee would be no blond. Just then, however, Fritz appeared to grow an inch taller; his wrist, extended itself ad mirablv —ah ! Kir’ was hit. So true and swift was the blow that Karl himself knew not at first, that he was overcome ; on I v when he went to speak, and the blood poured 'n f o Iris mouth, did he become aware of it! A sponge was brought. ; the b’ood wined away ; when lo ! Karl had no end of his nnse Du lie’ier Gott ! where is then the nose that Karl lost! All search for it —it is still in vain—the nose—the nose had disappeared ! Then cries out all of a sudden, Fritz— * The deg i the dog ! Pofz tausend Dnnuerwetter! look once at the dog.’ One sees the dog make bke a cough with something in month. One runs to him, catch him, nmmd him on the back lift him by the tail and shake. Ach ! 10, at last the nose, the poor nose, the end of the nose which Karl has lost. Then Karl takes that end and sticks it to his face —to the root, you see. Yes, we exclaim, breathlessly, seeing the narrator nause; did it grow on again ! But, snrelv, ves. For seven davs it held continually on ; then is the bandage removed and the nnse is whole once more. But alas '. an unlocked for mishap has occurred ‘How so!’ ‘ln the haste of replacing that lost end, the Poor Karl has it upside down applied ! It is now too late to alter—so grows it to this day. Karl was before a handsome man ; ho has the Geist—tho vivacity; but the profile— one finds it irregular ’ ”