MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 690, 9 July 1875, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

The man who was driven to destruction had to walk back. ‘ I hate to hoar people talk behind one’s back,’ os the robber said when the constable called, ‘ Stop thief!’ A barrister observed to a learned brother in court, the other day, that, the wearing of whiskers was unprofessional. ‘ Eight, ’ replied his friend, 1 a lawyer cannot bo too barefaced. A veteran shopkeeper says that, although his clerks are very talkative during the day, they are always ready to shut up at night. In response to an inquiry, ‘ How shall I keep my husband at homo in the evenings the reply is made, ‘ Take a club and try to drive him out.’ When the crowded omnibus drives up to a iiuo three-story, mansion, one of the young women getting out invariably and artlesly remarks, ‘ Home at last !’ An impudent adventurer having married an heiress, a wit remarked that the bridegroom’s brass was outshone by the bride’s tin. “ A home without children is like Heaven without angels,” says a deacon. We just want to have him get out of bed four times a night for a month, to keep a baby’s legs covered up. A blacksmith brought up his son, to whom ho was very severe, to his trade. One day the old man was trying to harden a cold chisel, which he had made of foreign steel but he could not succeed. ‘ Horsewhip it father,’ exclaimed the young one ; ‘if that will not harden it, I don’t know what will. Mrs Dobbs, upon being summoned to court as a witness, asked her husband what she should say if the lawyers inquired her age. ‘ Say madam ?’ replied her husband, ‘ why, toll them you have not yet reached the years of discretion.’ An exchange says ;—The latest sign of civilisation we have noticed among our dark skinned brethren in this part of the Colony was while on a trip up the coast the other day, when we passed a native driving a team of bullocks across the Waimate Plains, who’ was provided with an umbrella to protect himself from the inclemency of the weather. An illiterate person who always volunteered to “go round with the hat,” but was suspected of sparing his own pocket, overhearing once a hint to that effect, replied, “ Other gentlemen puts down what they think proper, and qp do I. Charity’s a private concern and what 1 give is nothing to nobody." How to Win a Woman’s Affections.— One who professes to understand this difficult matter says “ Dont talk about 1 going to work’ to win the effections of a woman ;it cant be done that way. The more you go to work the more she won’t like you. Push her into a duck pond and pull her out by the hair. If you are afraid to do this, jump in yourself, and let her pull you out. Lend her money ; borrow some from her. Make iRr believe she has deeply wronged you, and then forgive her. Deeply wrong her, and don’t ask to be forgiven. In short, contrive to lay her under a lasting obligation to you, or to lay yourself under a lasting obligation to her. It does not matter a headless pin which, so far as the result is concerned.”