MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 679, 23 April 1875, Page 1

MISCELLANEOUS.

—o— Forbes Times relates that the following happened not a thousand miles off tho Forbes Court-house. Two Justices were on the Bench, and a red-nosed feminine beau' y mounted the witness-box to give evidence ; tho senior Magistrate looked at her and —sniffed. Turning to hia judicial brother he observed, “ Don’t you perceive an odour of alcohol being wafted from thejdirection of the witness ? ” “ I do,” replied his brother, “ perceive a very preceptiblo odour." Whereupon the senior J.P., calling an officer of the court, said, “ Constable smell the witness." Nothing lacking in the required obedience, tne constable went and stood under the witness-box, and, lifting up his hirsute visage to occupant, said, “ Brathe on me now,” With a readiness to oblige, the frail creature leaned full in the face of the officer, and ejaculated a very audible ph—ew. “Again,” said the constable, and again wss the farce repeated. “ Well,” said the Bench to the man in blue, “doyou observe any-thing ?” “Faith, thin your worships, I can discern jist the tint of port-wine on her;” and the case was pro. ceeded with. A London morning paper is in want of a sporting prophet as a successor to tho lato Mr, Feist, better known as “Hotspur,” and 1 hear that amongst the list of applicants is a well-known peer of sporting proclivities.— A Crisis.—A lady who had barely succeeded in not catching an out-going train at Massilon, Ohio, stood gazing at it with her arms full of packages and her eyes full of tears, when a gentleman arrived at tho depot on a run, with his valise in his hand, hia coat on his arm, and his face streaming with perspiration. He sat down on his valise and deliberality said “Damn it!" whereupon the lady sweetly smiled and said “Thank you, sir!” Peel is said to have once inquired of a warm admirer what he thought was tho chief qualification of a Prime Minister. “I think,” was the ready answer, “that he should have £20,000 a year.” “No, no,” expostulated the wealthy Premier. “I don’t mean that!” “I think,” was the equally ready rejoinder, “he should be sft. loin high.” The streets of London have the reputation among ignorant classes in far off places of being “paved with gold.” Londoners however, know well enough to their cost that the streets^ through which it is their misfortune to pick their way have, as a rule, no other coating than one of mud. The city of Virginia, Nevada, in the United States is, however, literally p ave d with silver and gold. “There is not,” says the “Virginia Enterprise,” “the slightest stretch of imagination in saying that we never take a step in the town but we are walking on silver.” In proof of this it is stated that the other day a young man bet his friend the price of assaying, and the “cigars,” that he would take a lump of mud off the wheels of a ’bus then standing before them, and would got out of its precious metals to the value of 5 dolperton. An ounce or two of mud was forthwith taken from the wheel of a vehicle, and placed in the hands of an assayer who was not told where thosamplewasobtained. assay was made, and the assayer’s certificate showed that the sample contained—Silver, 7dol 54c; gold 2dol 320; total 9 dol 86c. Crocodile races are the latest sport in Paris The reptiles are the property of an American and arc three in number, being named respectively Jonathan, Billy, and Ontario. Tho The course is about 170 yards in length, and tho jockeys are monkeys. “Someone who has tried it,” says a correspondent of the “Prairie Farmer”:—“l discoveied many years ago that wood could be made to last longer in the ground than iron, but_ thought the process so simple and inexpensive, that it was not worth whilo making any stir about. I would as soon poplar, basswood, or quaking ash as any other kind of timber for posts. After having been set seven years, they were as sound when taken out as when they were first put in the ground. Time and weather seem to have no effect on them. The posts can bo prepared for less than two cents apiece. This is tho reoeipe: Take boiled linseed oil and stir in it pulverized charcoal to the consisteuoy of paint. Put a coating of this over tho timber, and there is not a man who will live to see it rot,” Matrimonial Felicity,—A recently-made Benedict writes as follows concerning hia young wife’s habits:-" If there were abedroom a mile long, and her entire wardroha could be packed in a candlebox, still you’d find portions of that wardrobe scattered along the whole line of dressingroom. She’s a nice thing to look at when put together, but this wonderfull creature is evolved from a chaos interminable of pins, ribbons, rags, powder, thread, brushes, combs, and laces. If there were 7,000 drawers in your room, and you asked but one to be kept sacred and inviolate for your private use, that particular one would be full of hair-pins, ribbons and soiled cufls. Some provision, some protection in this matter, should ha inserted in the marriage service.”