MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 518, 22 March 1872, Page 1 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEOUS EXTRACTS.

A learned clergyman was accosted in the following manner by an illiterate preacher, w r ho despised education; “Sir, yon have been to college, I suppose?" “Yes, sir,” was the reply. “I am thankful,” rejoined the former, “that I:he Lord opened my mouth without learning.” “A similar event,” retorted the clergyman, “took place in Balaam’s time ; but such things are of rare occurrence how.”

Some amusing blunders frequently occur in telegraphy, one of which is' recently recorded in the Victorian press. An upcountry printer expected from Melbourne a fount of the type known to the initiate') as “long primer,” and, as he did not receive’ it with other goods ordered at the same time, he telegraphed for its immediate despatch. The telegraph clerk, however, not knowing anything of the'mysteries of the “ Chapel,” sent a message, that the “long printer” had not como to hand, and requesting ••him” to be forwarded immediately. A Colorada salom keeper said of a rough crowd I couldn’t get their whisky strong enough for them ; so, after trying overy r way, I at last made a mixture of poison oak and butter nut. That fetched them. I called it “The Shepherd’s Delight*.” and it was a popular drink. The first pike I tried it on yelled with delight; tlie next one took two drinks, and turned a double somersault in the road before the house. A peddler came along, and, after be took a few drinks, be went off, stole bis own pack, and bid it in the woods. Writing of St Valentine’s Day, a correspondent of a Thames contemporary says:— “I have been made aware (no matter how) that, amongst the youths and virgins here, there is an uncertainty in the way of speaking and rhyming, not to say' a lack of ideas that compels them to have recourse to printed books for their valentines. This lias suggested to me that I will supply original valentines, in any style and preserve the most inviolable secresy at a moderate rate of charges. For instance —For men to send to women—-Highly' effusive, warranted, to bring down your bird at the first shot, -I, 2s expressive: of blighted affections 5s full of hope and joy', 2s 6d containing at least one new idea, 3 - warm, 7s 6d hot, 10s very hot, 13s sarcastic, Is Gd; warranted to produce tears of anger 3s Gd; safe for hysterics os; touching reconciliation, Gd. I think that is a reasonable tariff. For women the prices will he half theahove, with the option of an interview.”

A show man in the State of Maine wanted to exhibit an Egyptian mummy, and attended at the court-house to obtain permission- “What is it you want te show?” inquired the judge. “An Egyptian mummy, more than 3,000 years old,’’ said the showman. “Three thousand- and years old,” exclaimed the jinlga, jumping to his feet; ■ ‘and is the critter alive?” Two damsels of Bedford, Ohio, are considering a proposition made them by a local pugilist. Ife otters to teach them the art of boxing, paying their expenses while under tuition, if after becoming proficient, they will give public exhibitions of their skirl, providing he pays each 100 Jobs per month for her service.

“ Call-Boy,” writing in the Australasian on English theatrical news, says : “ Miss Carry Nelson has just concluded a very profitable tour of the Provinces. A private letter from London states that tins ‘pet of the public’ has entered tho marriage state, having recently been married to Mr. Earjcon, the well-known and talented author of ‘Joshua Marvel’ and ‘Grif.’ Josh Billings . would make a successful agent for life insurance companies. He has ideas on the subject, one of which lie presents boldly “ A large life polercco don’t eg ,f actly make a korps smile on his widder, but it helps amazingly to git another feller to do it for him,’.’. . .. “ liook whore was yeon born 2” said a persistent Yankee to a live' minutes’ acquaintance. “1 was born,” said the victim, “in Boston, Trcmont-streor, No. 44, left-hand side, on the Ist day of Auigust, in tho year 1310, at live o’clock in the afternoon : physician, Hr. Warren ;

nurse, - Sally Benjamin.” Yankee was answered completely. For a moment he was stuck. Soon, however, his face brightened, and he quickly said : ‘‘Yeas, wa’al ; I calculate you don t recollect ; whether it was a frame or brick house, dew you 2” Why arc women like churches 2 first. Because there is no living without one ; secondly, Because there: is many a-spire to ! them ; thirdly, Because they arc objects of adoration ; and lastly, But by no means leastly, Because they have a loud clapper in their upper story. It is estimated that one 27tli-000th part of a second is sufficient to llx tho solar image ; yob this is a long time in comparison wi;h that in which photographs arc taken by the electric light. The oxporimouts of fir Charles Wheatstone have shown that the duration of the illuminating spark does not exceed one millionth part of a second ; yet a clear and distinct pho-

tographic image is obtained by a single electric discharge. By tins means may be shown the real forms of- objects to which a deceptive appearance is given' by their rapid movement. If a wheel on ; whose side any figure is drawn in conspicuous lines he made to rotate-with the greatest possible ; velocity, the figure u ill present" to the eye only a seriet of concentric hands of different shades. Let it now be photographed while in motion by the electric flash- and’ the wheel will appear stationary, with the i figure perfectly well dotined. f A terrible explosion’ occurred in a cartridge )■ manufactory at Greenwich, on the 18th of I January, when- the clothing of a large mini - 3 ber of the girls employe 1 in the ftictoiy - caught fire, and they rushed madly through f the town into themars’ a*, in tha-hojie ■ 5 ;l destroying the fire. Many were severey j burned, and tl.o factory was-destroyed.