A MODEL CHARACTER

Dunstan Times, Issue 499, 10 November 1871, Page 1 (Supplement)

A MODEL CHARACTER

The San Francisco Era gives a copy of a peculiar certificate ot character which one of its editors gave to Emeline. It reads as follows :—‘She has black eyes and black hair. When-ever she comes home from a wake her eyes are blacker, and she has less hair by three or four handfulls- Emeline is engaged and her young man is the most successful assimilator of butter and sugar and milk that ever emigrated. Fi'om Ireland. He is equal to any demand of this kind upon his stomach. Emeline has been vaccinated,but itdidu’t take. This is the only thing about Emeline that we know of that won’t take. Spoons take, and she can nail more pillow cases and forks within a given time than any other girl of the same size and weight in the land of the free. Her ‘Sunday out’ comes twice a week and she can wash stockings in the teakettle more efficiently than any living women. Her way of taking care of a baby is to hold it up-side down by the leg until it bursts a blood vessel; and if she washes windows she never sbiices water down on the pavement unless a man is going by with a new hat on ] then she sliugs it round by the tin-cup fulls. Emeline’s most unpleasant peculiarity is, that she will suffocate herself some night. She would be much more efficient as a good quiet, docile corpse than a servant girl.’ This was “ giving a character” with a vengence. But the editor reckoned with out his host. He confesses that this “ recommend” must have j been shown to Emeline’s brother, because the latter has been ‘'sitting ou ! our front door-step with a discouraging | club for a week past, and we have gone in an out through the alley gate.”