MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 443, 14 October 1870, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A story is told of a German shoemaker ( who, having ran 'e a of boots for a 1 gentleman of whose financial integrity he 1 had considerable doubt, made the following reply to him when he called for the articles : —“ Dev pots ish not quite done, hut dcr ( heel ish made out.” i A traveller says that if he were asked to s describe the first sensation of a came' ride, s he would sav, “Take a music-stool, and * having wound it up as high as it would go 1 piF in a cart without springs get on top, ' and next drive the cart transversely across a ploughed field, and you will then form some notion of the terror and uncertainty you would experience the first time you * mounted a camel.” 1 An old lady being at a store in Water. ' bury, Conn ; deliberately sat down and extended her cbillcii feet to the iron safe, re- ! marking that “she did like airtight Some person in vhn ha( i . trouble with his fci verts, advertised for a girl. He sai —“ Wrntcd a girl to dwell in my family, assist my wife in doing her work, and give directions generally. Wages not much object, if she will leave me enough of my incline to pay for the crockery she breaks. If she should not be satisfied with having five evenings in the week, an effort shall be n adc- to give her eight. She may decide what we shall have to eat and whether it sha 1 ! be overdone, under, done, or done at all, and do, in fact, as she pleases, except woar my wife’s gloves and shoes (unless her ham s and feet are within four sizes of being too small). Feathcbeds or mattrasses as preferred. B.S.—A piano and music supplied free of charge. The use of the parlor for company, Ko ac count taken of the tea and sugar that en ters or leaves the house.” 1 hiving the delivery a lecture by Miss Dr. Mary Walker in Kansas, a few days ago a precocious youth in the audience cried out, “ Arc yon the Mary that had a little lamb?” “ Ko?” was the ready reply, “but your mother had a litt'e jackass?” The uther day, some ladies were out visiting. There being a little two-year-old present, one of the ladies aske him if he w'ould kiss her. He answered “Ko.” “What is the reason you will not kiss?” “ I’m too little to kiss yon ; papa will kiss you. Papa kisses all the big girls” (sensation). A rather fast youth was relating the experience of bis voyage across the ocean to a sympathising fr end. Said ho, “I tell you what, old fel'ow, there’s one good thing about it though. You can get as tight as yon please every clay, ami everybidy thinks you’re only sea-sick.” The Grand Duke Michael of Russia was strongly wedded to d scipline, but he wan also strongly absent-minded. On one ooca’ sinn he met a drunken soldier, who abused him sadly, and on the same day ho met a soldier of the same regiment, whom ho promised to make corporal, The following day i at review’ ho saw the latter, and, confusing i him with the drunkard, ordered him to be . W'hippod. While the lash was being api plied, bo happened to sco the real culprit, 9 aud at once, discovered the mistake. Ho

run to the Emperor to ask what he should do. “You must not admit your error.” replied the Czar, “it would he injurious to discipline. Go and appoint the other man corporal.” The drunkard was made a corporal. Orthographical Decoction.—Mr. Edward Khull/longa respectable printer in Glasgow, was sadly bothered with an apprentice, who neither could nor would he initiated into p rtion of grammar which treats of the proper disposition of letters and words. One day hepresentedsuehashockingly inaccurate proof, ns made hismaster, after staring with amazement, take hi spectacles from his nose, and give'the ill-diposing ''evil th» following receipt:—‘ My man ! just gang Inme this night, and tell your neither to hoil Fulton and Knight’s Dictionary in milk, and take it for supper, as that seems the only way you’ll ever get spelling'put into ye.’ A sensational double attempt at suicide was made the other day by a mar, about thirty years of age. named John Harris. He first ''rank a quantity of kerosene, and fin ing that was not effectual, threw himself into the Yarra, near the Corporation Baths. He was taken to the hospital and attended to. One of the oldest Melbourne favourites in the world of public amusements—Barlow* of “Blue Tale Fly”celebrity- hasreturned to his old quarters after an absence of some years spent in cultivating a sugar plantation in Queensland. Mr. Barlow proposes to make a tour through Victoria, hegiening at Kyneton, with a new “ entertainment.” If he retains his old form, success may be expected as a matter of course.

From “ The Pleasant Creek Chronicle.”— The efficacy an 1 general excellence of Grover and Baker’s Elastic-Stitch Family Sewing Machines have been signally tested by a purchaser, connected with the office of this journal. In every respect it has answered the account given in the advertisement of itscapabilities—*he hemming, stitching, and felling being uncommonly good. Fur embroidery a bettor machine could not be found ; and in that respect it may take precedence of all other machines very easily Altogether the Grover and Baker Sew ing Machine is an indispensable aid in the dour Stic economy of any household, and those who purchase it will not be disappointed.” “’Steam Printing Office, 97 Little Oollius-sfrcet East, Melbourne, October 22,15(J3. —Gentlemen, The strong Shuttle Machine furnished to my printing office, has has given complete satisfaction, an 1 though it has been subjected to rather rough usage in sowing pamphlets and similar work, it lias not gone out of or'er in any way. We also use it for family sewing, and it answers well. I highly approve of the mechanical construction, as it is strong, very’ simple, and by a liberal use of friction rollers not ikely to wear out. I can confidently recommend it, and you are at liberty to use my testimonial in any way you may think fit.” Science and art.—A striking instance of the immense value a small piece of steel may acquire by the great power of skilled mechanical labor is the balance spring of a watch. From its extreme fineness and delicacy tour thousand weigh not more than one ounce, and exceed in value £I,OOO. A most interesting little work, describing the rise an I progress of watchmaking, has been published by J. W. Benson, of 25, Old Bond-street, and the City Steam Factory, 58 and GO. Ludgate hill, London. The book, which is profusely illustrated, gives a full description of the various kinds of watches and clocks, with their prices. Mr. Benson, who holds the appointment to the Prince of Wales, has also published a pamphlet on Artistic Gold Jewellery, illustrated with beautiful demons of Bracelets, Brooches, Ear-rings, Lockets, &c., suitable for wedding, birthday, and other presents. These pamphlets are su-.-i post free for two stamps each, and they cannot strongly recommended to those contemplating u purchase, especially to residents in the country or w ] lo are thus enabled to select any article may require, and have it forwarded with perfect safety.

Holloway’s Ointment and Pills.— A certain ami effectual reme 'y for disearc of the skin.—lt is affiinno l by onr Cape surgeons, as is likewise so allegeged by the faculty through the rest of the world, that ringworm, scurvy, leprosy, jaundice, scrofula or king’s evil, sore hads, and the most inveterate skin diseases to which the human race is subject, cannot be treated with a more certain, sate, and speedy remedy for their cure than Holloway’s Ointment and Pills, which act so peculiarly on the constitution, and so efiectually purify the hloo', that those diseases are quickly eradicated from the system, and a lasting cure obtained. These sovereign remedies are ewnally efficacious in curing tumours, burns, scald glandular swellings, ulcerous mound , rheumatism, cohtraoled and stiff joints.