MISCELLANEOUS.

Dunstan Times, Issue 418, 22 April 1870, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Every plain girl hag one consolation—thoui'k not a pretty ycung lady, she will, if she lives ho a pretty old one. A short time ago a lady arrived at a j count *y station just as the train which she meant to catch moved off. As she stood gazing at the tra il, her hands fud of packages; a gentleman arrived at the station at the top of his speed, with his carpet-hag in Ida hand, his coat on his a-m, and his face streaming with perspiration. He. too wanted to take the same train, but was too late. As he looked on the train, fast moving away, he sat down on a seat, wiped his face, and very deliberately and emphatically said, “Confound that train ! ” The lady heard him, and smiling upon him with much sweetness, said, “Thank you, sir.” He had evidently expressed her sentiments exactly. The French are a cheerful race, and find a joke in things where no other people ■would think of looking for one. A short time since a steamboat explosion blow a Frenchman's better-half into the bushes, whereupon the her raved husband, when he heard of the disa-ter, exclaimed, “Farewell my much e-steam-el wife.” When preacliecs do indulge in jokes they generally let off good cues. Hero is a specimen. A clergyman was recently charged with having violently dragged his wife from a revival meeting, and compelled her to go home with him. The clergyman let the story travel along until he had a good opportunity to give it a broadside. Upon being charged with the offence he replied as follows:—“In the first place, 1 never attempted to influence my wife in her views nor her choice of a meeting. Secondly, my wife has not attended any of the revival meetings. In the third place, I have not myself attendsd any of the meetings whatever. To conclude, neither my |wife nor myself have any inelinatmn to go to these meetings. Finally, I never had a wife.” The follow ing is from a Pennsylvanian paper,- “Miss astonished the audience by her high soprano voice. Her notes, like the one thousand dollars United States greenbacks, are of too high a denomination for common country currency, and suggested the probability that her music teacher occupied the summit of Mont Blanc during her rehearsals, and was ‘ hard o’hearing.’ She beats cats on high notes. There was no music or chest tons in her voice ; but it was about six octaves above the screech of a lost Indian.” At San Francisco some years ago when the gold discovery was at its height, if a woman appeared in the streets she was followed as a curiosity and a pleasant sight. But even scarcer still were children. At the theatre one evening, while the orchestra was performing, a baby was heard to cry in one part of the house ; whereupon a man in the pit mounted aon his seat and shouted out, “Stop them squeaking fiddles, and let’s hear the baby cry ! I haven’t heard such a blessed sound for years and years.” The fiddles stopped, and the baby cried, and was rapturously encored, to the delight of all, except, perhaps, the young performer himself, who had thus suddenly brought down the house.

A New York editor says “To bo a woman of fashion is ono of the easiest things in the world. A late writer thus describes it: —Buy everj thing you don’t want, and pay for nothing you got; smile on all mankind but your husband; be happy every where but at home ; neglect your children, and nurse lap-dogs ; go to church every time you get a new dress.’