SCISSORS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 4107, 19 September 1884, Page 4

SCISSORS.

What is majesty, robbed of its externals ? A jest. Macedonia is tho most wilfully oppressed of all Christian countries. In tho Southern and Middle England 30,000 Avomen steer canal boats. There arc in London 30,000 Polish Russian Jews who have sought refuge from persecution. One manufactory in Massachusetts is said to turn out as many pairs of shoes as 30,000 Parisian shoemakers. " Wake up and pay for your lodgings," said tho deacon, as bo nudged a sleepy stranger Avith the contribution-box. Tho veteran tenor, Tamberlik, has just made a great success at St. Petersburg, and is about to undertake a tour in the interior of Russia. He is sixty-four years of age. The losses of sheep in New South Wales from native doers last year amounted to 64,050, valued at £20,90-1; Avhilst tamo dogs destroyed 64,326 sheep, valued at £32,724. Rumour states that a distinguished Scotch clergyman refused a "call" to Melbourne because the mail steamboat engines Avorkcd on a Sunday. Hern's a good man if you like. , , Her Majesty the Queen has signified her intention of conferring a baronetcy upon Mr. Bcrnbard Samuelson, M.P., in recognition of his services in the cause of education. It is thoutrht that although the Prince Imperial of Austria speaks every dialect in the Austrian dominion, except Turkish, this need not prevent him from sitting down on tho Ottoman. Miss Edith Sautley, the eldest daughter of Charles Santley, tho popular baritone, was married on July 14 to the Hon. Robert H. Lvttclton sixth son of the late Lord Lvtt-lton. Thus"the Sydney Liberal:—Robert Stout, Premier of New Zealand ! The first outspoken Freethinker who has ever occupied tbc position of Prime Minister in a province of the British Empire. Tho first cartridges were made in China fifteen hundred years before the dawn of the Christian era. They Avero used at great festivals simply in pyrotechnic displays, and of course Avero all "blanks." Mr Fain-lough, the well-known tragedian, appears to prefer farming to following the theatrical profession. Certainly there is nothing like novelty, and it is given out that one of the companies at present playing Avith us do so purely out of love for their art, as they arc all blessed with big banking accounts. Melbourne paper. At a recent dinner given to Victor Hugo by the Society of Men of Letters, Arsene Houssayo toasted Hugo as one avlio could trace his succession by Voltaire, Moliere, Shakespeare, Dante, and Virgil to Homer. Tho proportion of Avidows to the total population of Bengal is truly enormous. At the recent census the population avus 69 530,801 ; and in this number there Avere 7 397,181 Avidowers, and 7,3!;7,017 Avidows. ' According to the German monthly statistical statement the total number of those who left tbc country for America in the first quarter of 1884 was 29,782, as compared with 28,291 in tho same period of 1883. , , . . A man advertised for tbc worst dog m the city. His idea was that people arc so fond of their own dogs that they Avouldn't brintr a single animal to him. But he lost his bet. Thousands called, each bringing his neighbour's dog. Our Yankee cousins often get " pretty considerably mixed " in the geography of these colonies. One of the leading firms in Port Adelaide has just received a letter from New York, addressed "New South Wales, Adelaide, Now Zealand." It is admitted in South Australia that wheat-growing occupies too great a share of the attention of agriculturists, and that other industries ought to be combined Avith it by tho farmers. Several writers recommend tho increased culture of fruit. A lady stepped into tho sanctum this niorning"and said sweetly: " Will you bo kind enough to let me look at the Christian ril Work f' The horse editor blushed a little, but bad the presence of mind to say ; "Certainly, inadamc; what can I do for you." The Port Moresby correspondent of the South Australian Register states:—"Mr Lawes, avlio lately ret urncd from a trip AvestAvard, found the children of one village heretofore never visited by anyAvbitc man using ■whipping tops, samples of which he brought back." It has been the habit of English royalty to die on Saturday. William 111., Anne, all the Georges, tho Duchess of Kent, Prince Albert, and Princess Alice all departed on that day. But Prince Leopold did not survive over night, and died on Friday. Rowland Hill rode a great deal, and by exercise preserved vigorous health. On one occasion, Avhen asked by a medical friend ■what physician and apothecary he employed to be always so Avell, he replied, "My physician has been a horse, and my apothecary an ass." The locusts in several districts of South Russia are committing frightful raA-ages. In the district of Elizavetgrad the peasants have just received 17,000 roubles from the Imperial Agricultural Society as a rcAvard for the destruction of 1,700,000 of these pestilential insects. A New York type-setter has "set 2,040 cms in one hour." That is not much of a feat. A Pittsburg type-setter, who is poor but honest, and has been engaged to a girl for eight years, has "set" with the same Em 2/010 "hours, not including Sunday evenings anel legal holidays. A woman jumped into the Irwell tho other day. The river Avas not deep enough to drown her, but a little of the water got down her throat. She was got out without difficulty, but she died from poisoning. The Irwell made Ir-ill—so ill that she died. No Avonder Manchester Avants a ship canal. During the years of 1881, ISS2, and 1883, the imports of bacon, potatoes and salt into South Australia decreased, but there Avas an increase in the imputation of very many other articles that might bo produced in the colony, such as cheese, chicory, preserved fish, currants, raisins, hams, pork, castor oil, butter, and onions. " I think," said an exasperated taproom orator, as bo slowly elevated himself from the pavement to a perpendicular, " that a _ull-"rown man who throws an orange peel on the pavement is no Christian." " Well," said a bystander, " ivhat do you think of an orange peel that tlnws a full-grown man on the pavement r" While talking to a number of gentlemen, Beccher, the preacher, remarked, " I never speak of a country or place authoritatively unless I have previously been there." " How about that sermon of yours on Hell?" tusked the way oi' the party. Mr Beech or took Avatcr, Avhile the rest of the boys called for a more popular beverage. A Avhitc squall took a party of tourists movin"' across a lake, and threatened to capsize the boat. When it scorned that the crisis had nearly come, the largest and physically the strongest in the party, in a state of intense fear, said, "Let us pray V" "No no, my man," shouted the bluff old boatman,' "let the little man pray, you take the oar." A bibulous party, avlio has recently been converted to the blue-ribbon creed, anel gives audience daily to a worthy apostlo of temperance, finds it uncommonly sultry for brick-laving this weather. The other day he stopped in bis work and said most pathotieallv, as be sat down to rest himself for a moment, "Ain't it hot. Bill? My word it is hard to keep from it." On 31st December, 1883, there were 320,901 horses in New South Wales, being 1002 less than at the beginning of that year. The number of cattle at the end of tho year was 1,010,753, a decrease of 219,232 from the previous year. Amongst the different breeds, shorthorns were the favourite, nearly half the total number being so classified. The number of sheep at. the end of 1883 was 37,915,510, being an increase of 1,81)0,090 over the previous year. Miss Lenoir, the indefatigable manageress for Mr D'Oyley Carte, avlio owns the Savoy Theatre, London, and has introduced Messrs Gilbert and Sullivan's operas to the public of many lands, Avill sail for Australia in the Orient, in the beginning of September. She will stay for some time in Adelaide, and then proceed to Melbourne and Sydney, ■where she Avill make arrangements for the production of Messrs Gilbert and Sullivan's Litest successes by a first-class English

Company. Among projects started in Brisbane is oyster - farming in Moreton Bay. Tbc Courier alludes to a specimen of dredge oysters showing a most prolific groivth of this year's spat on clusters of oysters laid down 12 months ago in dredge section 33, Bribie Passage, by the Moreton Bay Oyster Company. In this section there haA'o been over SOOO bags laid doAvn. The " cultivation " is looking very healthy and most favourable all over the bay. People baA-e been very busy in France lately, predicting the terrible consequences Avhich Avill ensue from the recstablisment of dh*orco. Here is one of the most terrible of all. A young man gets a divorce and marries a second time ; but the mother of his first Avife has been divorced too, and has married the father of his second Avife. Thus the young man has changed his wife, but not his mother-in-law. Where, then, is tho profit on the transaction ?— Truth. The greatest distance run in one hour in tho old country is 11 miles 970 yards, by Deerfoot. at Old Bromptoii, iv 1803—Deerfoot's real name and address being L. Dennett, Cattaraugus County, State of New York, America. The fastest time in which one mile hus ever been run, on level ground, is 4m. 16 l-55., by W. Cummins, of Paisley, in ISSI, at Preston ; but in 1863 W. Lang ran a mile over a course which was partly down hill in 4m. 2s. The SAviftest runner hitherto seen is a man named Hutchens, formerly newsboy at Putney station. He has not yet been timed accurately for a standard distance like 100 yards or 120 yards, but in the Sheffield Handicap he has cOA'ercd 131.} yards in 12.js. A .singular case of "a cathedral Avithout a sermon " is recorded by the Tasmanian Ncavs, a Hobart paper, of 4th August. The paper Avrites :—"At the service held at the cathedral yesterday morning no less than four clergymen took part. When it came to preaching time, to tho dismay of tho four, it was found that they could not muster one sermon between tlicni, each having thought it the turn of some other clergyman to hold forth to tho congregation. There Avas nothing left but to make the usual collection and pronounce the benediction. The former Avas done amid a general titter of amusement, and tbc congregation broke up in good humor." Was anyone of the original apostles ever placed in such a very awkward fix ? One is not surprised at, a congregation breaking up in good humor after being deprived of a sermon from some clergymen, but it is astonishing that not one of these four clergymen could deliver an extempore discourse. A Avriter iv the Contemporary Review says that it is the greatest blessing that General Gordon is cut off from the Government and left to his own resources. Well, certainly it is a blessing for Gordon himself ; he can do as he likes and not be hampered. Again, it is a decided blessing for the poor, much worried Grand Old Woman. The Grand Old Girl can wash Ids bands of the Avh'jlo affair. If Gordon turns up trumps that's avcll and good. Mr Gladstone knew it all along. If some Arab exhibits steel for General Gordon's digestion, W. E. G. is 'Very sorry, but the General is himself entirely responsible for bis actions. The only persons avlio do not appreciate the blessing are the Arabs. They arc getting sallied out upon and shelled from steamers, and all sorts of unpleasant games Avorkcd upon them, Avhereas if tlicy bad Availed for Gladstone's expedition, they Avould have enjoyed several quiet months to themselves, iiiAvbich to rest and practise rifle shooting. " It is an ill wind that blows nobodj' any good" (observes the Pall Mall Gazette), and tho recent dynamite explosions have been utilised by ingenious advertisers, as the following story shows, which is going the round of the Continental press :—Capt. Crakson and Engineer Mctrokins Avere to fight a duel. Tho latter having the choice of arms, decided on a dynamite combat. At the sot hour the combatants arrived, each carrying five cartridges ; the seconds mounted on the highest trees, and the duel commenced. The two first cartridges Avero Avithout effect, at the third there Avas a fearful explosion. The seconds fell from their lofty perches, and found Captain Crakson literally torn to pieces. Metrokins had altogether disappeared. Only the boots of the adversaries Avere found, Avhich on examination Avere found to come from the avcll known shoe shop of Messrs X. and Co. In France they call this a piece of " American puffism," but in its Avay it is not unworthy of the advertising genius of Messrs Pears. Tho following story exhibits tho cool audacity of an Austrian rogue, avlio secured a pocket-book thereby : —A carriage in the train bound from Vienna to Pesth contained one evening recently five passengers—an Englishman, two Magyars, a mild looking man of sixty, and a handsome young German, avlio seemed dreadfully sleepy. The Englishman observed that the sexagenarian essayed to chat Avith the young German, AS'ho, however, yawned and soon slumbered. The sexagenarian became garrulous, and lamented his son's carelessness iv money matters. ' See him now, going to sleep in a carriage full of strangers. I think I'll give the young man a fright for once in his life ;' and lifting up the lapel of his coat, he laughingly drew out a pocket-book. At Press burg the careful father said he must get out for a minute, but when the train moved on he didn't return. When the young man Avoko up they told him that his father bad got out and taken his pocketbook. 'My father!' he shrieked, aud clutching his empty pocket, burst into a volley of uiiiilial imprecations. 'IhaA-cn't got a father !' he howled out. ' I never saw tho scoundrel before. That pocket-book contained three thousand florins. He must haA'o seen it avlich I took my ticket.' Not unlikely. That genial parent has not been yet heard from. One cannot be too careful among strangers.