THE MINISTER'S MISTAKE.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3982, 26 April 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE MINISTER'S MISTAKE.

Our church has a new minister. Ho is a nice, good, sociable gentleman, but, coming from a distant State, of course he is totally unacquainted with our people. Therefore it happened that during his curly pastoral calls he mado several ludicrous blunders. The other evening he culled upon Mrs Goddcn. She had just lost her husband, and naturally supposed that his visit was relative to that sad occurrence. So, after a few commonplaces had been exchanged, she was not at all surprised to hear him romark : ' It was a serious loss, was it not, Mrs Goddcn ?' ' Yes,' faltered the widow. ' Totally unexpected ?' 'Oh, yes; I never'dreamed of it.' 'He died in the stable, I supposo ?' 'Oh, no; in the house. 'Ah, well, I suppose you must have thought a good deal of him ?"' 'Of course, sir !' with a vim. The minister looked rather surprised, crossed his legs, and resumed tho conversation. ' Blind staggers was tho disease, I believe,' ho said. ' No, sir,' snapped tbe widow ; 'apoplexy.' 'Indeed! You must havo fed him too much.' 'Ho was always capable of feeding himself, sir.' ' Very intelligent he must havo been. Died hard, didn't he?' 'Yes.' 'Kicked the sido of the bam down in his last agonies, I hear ?. ' No, sir, he did not. 'Well, I have been misinformed. How old was ho ?' ' Thirtyfive.' Then he didn't do much active work. Perhaps you are better without him. You can easily supply his placo with another.' 'Nover, sir! Never will I see ono so good as he.' ' Oh, yes, you will. Ho had the heaves, you know.' ' Nothing of the kind.' ' Why, I saw him one day, and I distinctly recollect that ho had the heaves, and walked as if ho had the spring halt.' Mrs Godden stared at her reverend visitor as if she Imagined he was crazy. ' He never could havo had tho Bpring halt, for he had a cork leg,' she returned. ' A cork leg ! Remarkable! But really, now, didn't ho have"a dangerous trick of suddenly stopping and kicking a waggon all to pieces ?' ' Nevor ! He was not mad, sir!' ' Probably not. But there wero some good points about him.' |'I should think so!' ' Tho way ho oarried his ears, for example.' ' Nobody Jolso ever noticed that particular merit,' said the widow, with some asperity. 'But he was affectionate and steady.' ' Good qualities,' said the unconscious visitor, wondering alittlo at the lady's manner. ' How long did it take him to go a mile ?' ' About fifteen minutes.' * Not much of a goer. Did you ever use a whip on him ?' ' Nevor, sir !' ' Went right along without, eh?' 'Yes.' 'He must havo been a good sort of brute.' Then the widow just sat down and cried. ' The idea of your coming here and insulting me,' she sobbed. ' If my husband had livod, you would not havo done it, Your remarks in reference to that poor dead man have been but a series of insults. I won't stand it.' He colored and looked dumfounded. ' Are you not Mrs Blinkers ?' he stammered. 'No, no!' 'And has not your old grey horse just died ?' ' I never owned a horso; but my h-hushand died a week ago !' Ten minutes later, the minister came out of the houso with the reddest face ever seen on mortal man. ' And to think,' he groaned, as he strode home, 'that I was talking horse to that woman all tho time and she was talking husband !' 'What aro these cups for?' asked a well dressed man of a jeweller, pointing to some olegant cups on the show-case. ' These aro race cups, to bo given as prizes to the best racer.' ' If that's so, supposo you and I race for ono,' and the stranger, with cup in hand, started, the jeweller after him. The stranger won the cup.