FUNNIOSITIES.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3918, 9 February 1884, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

Cold weather affects your wrap if tight. Quaraelling avails nothing. Even the forty thieves came to grief by jars. A dairy maid will inform you that the bravest cow will often turn pail. It isn't, a great way to tho end of a cat's nose, but it's fur to the end of its tail. "No more reflections, please," said the looking-glass after it had tumbled down stairs. "You'll have to take the will for the deed," is Avhat the heir said to the lawyer when the lattor presented his bill. The King of Siam has raised finger nails six inches long. He is probably gcttimg ready to corno up to tho scratch. Somo wag says Tennyson will write a sequel to his " Idyls of the King." It will be named "John Brown tho idol of the Queon.'' —Indianapolis Herald. It is said that it is unhealthy to sleep in feathers; we don't believe it; for look at tho spring chicken and see how tough ho is. About tho most amusing thing we know of is to watch a bald headed man with a wi"" to try and scratch his head in church on°a Sunday morning. _. "Dock her handwriting denote character?" he was asked, "Certainly; oh yes, vi course,' tho other answered, "but I'm blessed I can make out what the characters jneiin. ft

When James T. Fields invented tho name of Mancbester-by-the-Sca, and wrote to Dr Holmesreplie3 iv a note datedßeverley-by-tho Depot. In Spain the young girls are carefully watched over by an elderly lady known as a duenna. With this safeguard they can't duenna thing wrong. What is the difference between a muscular tramp and a newly-cleaned lamp ? Only this—one is a well-limbed tramp, and the other is a well-trimmed lamp. An English woman has walked 1,500 miles in 1,000 hours. There must have been a woman with a new bonnet at tho other end of the route. The most polite woman we ever saw was tho young lady who wouldn't peer into the mirror, because, as she said, it was very rude to look right into one's face. The hat in the hall that the boarder "mistook," and left in its stead one not fit for the cook, it is to be hoped on the thief's head will look, as if it got, there by hook or by crook. A change of the letter " m " to the letters " id " is all that has taken placo at the head of the United States Army. Sherman has been changed to Sheridan. School Board Officer (to collier's wife)—l sco .Johnnies no at the schnle the day. What hae ye got to say tae that ? wife—Awecl, Sandy's"at the schule. It's no Johnnies day for the schoon. "Why is a 'young' lady's age, after she reaches "25, like a floral wedding bell ?" asks an outsider. Aud he says it is 'because it is never told ; " but that is a libel. A musical critic was introduced to a prima donna, who at once greeted him with the implied compliment, " I know you well byname." "And I know you well by fame," ho rejoined. Young Popinjay says he has only one objection to marrying an heiress, and that is that she went spank the baby for fear of losing her diamonds out of her rings. Some people prefer death to marriage. This is probably because aftor death there is no pain, but after marriage there is nothing else but payin.' A prima donna sang "Home sweet Home" to tho convicts in an Eastern prison, and it so worked upon their feeling that seven of them escaped and struck for the parental rooftrce the same night. A Massachusetts man has invented an arrangement for hotels which not only calls a man at any given hour, but which keeps him called until ho gets up. That's no new invention. We have had an arrangement at our house over since we were married that does that. If there is anything that gets a woman completely deranged, it is to have her husband come home and inform her of the fact that he has met one of her old schoolmates on the street, and in reply to her question, " What did she have on ?" answer' " I didn't notice." A beautiful young girl was about to be married to a bachelor 70 years of age, but very rich. On the eve of her marriage she learned that his wealth had been suddenly swept away, leaving him a penniless old man. Did the noble girl desert him in this his hour of trouble ? She did indeed, and her parents helped her, too.