MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS ON THE WAR-PATH.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3778, 24 August 1883, Page 4

MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS ON THE WAR-PATH.

The troubles of the musical instruments culminated one Saturday night, the suppressed murmurs breaking out into a loud and general complaint. " It's an outrage tho Avay I'm picked at,'' said tho banjo. "Don't you say a word !" shouted the guitar and harp simultaneously. "Keep your seats, gentleman," interrupted the violin, " and consider my pitiable condition. What can bo Avorse than to have one's spine rubbed doivn with rosin and scraped over incessantly Avith a horse-hair suav''" " Humph P" groAA-lcd the drum; "I'm beat about the head until I'm a perfect sight, all tatooed; and then scowling ominiously at the sticks, " Oh, I've got it in for you!" " Shut up," yelled the sticks, "or avc'll break your old head in !" "Oh my!" groaned the music box. "My health's very bad. I'm all run doAvn." "I'm badly bio wed myself," broke in the cornet. (Murmurs of "He's givin' us Avind uoav." " The brass of the fellow " and "Wipe off your tube," from the company.) " I haA-e the life thumped out of mc all day long," grumbled tho piano. "Sometimes tAvo of 'em get at mc Avith both hands, and there's nothin' avorso than that. I'll leave it to him if there is," turning to a cabinet organ. But he couldn't pump the organ. A fellow thai reads much dosen't talk a great deal. " I am so racked, I'ma mere skeleton !" sighed the bones. " You oughtn't to complain," said the pipe organ ; "look at the jokes you hear, Avhile I have to listen to the same old sermons year in and year out." "I just Avish you had to listen to the jokes, you great, fat, lazy thing. That's a. hatbrought mo Avhoro I am," responded tho bones, " and as for the sermons, they'd be nuts for mo."

"Yes, they would—chestnuts!" "I'm tired to death of sitting on this fence," broke in a plaintive note from a pile of sheet music. "I'll bet that fellow's fiat," said the mouth-harp.

"That's AA'here you slip up, old chin music, "he's braced me, all the same." "You must b flat yourself, then." "There's AA'here your're Avrong again. I'm a sharp." "So'm 1," cried the JcAvsharp. " Keep your mouth out of this, a. ill you !" yelled the Avhole party. " Your'e no gentleman, you steel." "You're a lyre !" shouted the JeAVsharp at his nearest assailant. "Toot-toot-toot," said the trumpet; "no violins here." " Oh, dear," piped up a shrill A'oicc, ' I can't get my breath; I am in a aAvful piccolo." "I declare fife CA-er heard anything A\"orse than that in my life," said one. " Or I, zither?" said another. Cries of "Bass!" "Viol!" on all sides.