MR. AND MRS SASSAFRAS GO APICNICKING.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3723, 21 June 1883, Page 4

MR. AND MRS SASSAFRAS GO APICNICKING.

"My dcai , ," said Mr Sassafras, as he sat 011 tliu edge of the bod caressing , his pet corn, "my dear, this is probably the last Sunday wo Khali upend in San Francisco. Our honeymoon has now lusted more than a month, and wo must suon return to the ranch in old Unite." A lump on the far .side of the bed rolled itself over, and a voice from far under the blankets seemed to mutter an uftirmativc. "I was reading , an advertisement yesterday," continued Mr Sassafras, ns he worked his way into his best pantaloons, "describing a picnic to bo held at Fairfax to-day. "Would you like to go Amanda ?''

The head of Mrs S., plentifully adorned with curlpapers, swiftly emerged from the bedelothos. "0, Silas," she cried rapturously, "shouldn't I just like it, though! I've never been to a real public picnic in all my born life, but I've heard they're real fine." "Fine!" exclaimed the husband, rubbing the soap out of his eyes ; "this one's more than fine; Ls the Damfian picnic, given under the auspices of the musical and social club of that name." "Dear me!" said Mrs Sassafras, sitting up in bed, " a social and musical club, eh ! That must be very high-toned.'' " You don't do it justice, Amanda," said Silas, avlio had been secretly studying the Call's society columns Avith a vieAV of paralyzing the natives of Buttc on his return Avith his knowledge of social etiquette, "This picnic will be attended only by the bo moncl; it will be comeclfo, madame. It Avould not greatly surprise me if it should even be reshshershay;" and Mr Sassafras tucked in his shirt Avith an air of complacent dignity. " Jiinini crimps !" ejaculated Mrs S._in a Avhisper. "Do you really think so, Silas? Where did you pick up tliosc lovely foreign words 'i ,, '

"Nevermind, my dear; there's plenty more where they come from. Now, I'll run down and see about getting , a lunch packed up, and you get up and dress as quick as you can." At breakfast Mr Sassafras deigned to enlighten his wife as to the nature of public picnics in general, and the Damfian picnic in particular. It is needless to say that ho derived his information exclusively from the advertisement of the latter which he had learned by heart. '' Fairfax,'' said he, '' is a lovely spot embowered in the hills adjacent to the populous and picturesque town of San Rafael. The trip thithcr_ from the city, at all times a most enchanting one, is doubly so Avhen made in .such refined company as the Damfian Musical and Social Club. The climate of Marin County is celebrated for its equable mildness and health-giving qualities." " Great Heavens, Silas !" interrupted Mrs S., laying down her toast and gazing at her spouse Avith admiration, "why, you talk just like that guide-book to Butte county on the parlor-table at homo. Ido believe you get smarter every day. Go on, dear." But Silas would have had to begin all over again to get at the perroration of the advertisement, so he discreetly changed the subject. When they got aboard the boat, most of Damfian members were already assembled. Mrs Sassafras marvelled much at their attire, but thought it exceedingly fine._ The male members were not exactly in uniform, and yet they were all dressed alike in stiffbrimmed hats, pants shaped like a bcllmouthed blunderbuss Avith two barrels, short coats elaborately braided, and very high-heeled boots. The female members Avere not less gorgeous, but their dress Avas moro varied, and their principal distinguish - ing marks consisted of banged hair and the orthodox Damfian musical and social sAvagger. The conversation of the picnickers, so far as heard by the Sassai'rasses, was peculiar and pretty nearly unintelligible to the rural pair, but as the latter stuck to the corner iv which they had ensconced themselves, the Fairfax grounds were readied without any further accidents than Mr Sassafras getting his new stovepipe hat jammed down to his shoulders at the alighting point by a Damfian member, Avhoso profuse apologies seemed to amuse his companions immensely. "Noav, my love," said Mr S., as ho came in sight of the lemonade, peanut and popcorn stands, and let the tail-end of his eyo rest for a moment ou the bar, "you will obseve that what I said was true. I said it might be reshshershay, and it is. Buy a ball of popcorn, dear, while Igo and find out Avhat time the four-o'clock-train starts." Mr Sassafras headed for the bar, but ho Avasn't the man to beg information for nothing, so ho purchased a cocktail. Now the Fairfax picnic cocktail is a mystery. Pressed scorpion, brimstone, coal-oil and droAvncd flies form a largo proport ion of its ingredients, but these alone Avould not suffice to account for the singular influence Avhiuh it lias on the imbiber. When Sassafras rejoined his Avifo there Avas a look in his eye Avhioh seemed to bid defiance to the world. "Yon «cc that shooting-gallery, Amanda-'" said he. "I have hitherto concealed from yoa the fact that I am a dead shot. I Avill not even hoav tell you I have slain—enough ! I spare your feelings'. I will try my nerves of steel against yonder target." There Avas a Damfian youth in the gallery avlio thought he could shoot a little, too, and the consequence Avas that the Sassafras nerves of steel cost the owner just §1 7-3, besides the penalty of taking , another cocktail. The next place visited was the dancehall, where the band Avas noAV in full blast. They had not looked on for two minutes before a Damfiuu dandy Avith his hair plasteredover his forehead, put his arm around the plump Avaist of Mrs Sassafras, and Avalzed off Avith her before her astonishment Avould even let her protest. Mr Sassafras folded his arms and scowled like a stage brigand. But alas! he is a little man, and his Aveighi is barely a hundred pounds, whereas the Damfian could evidently go him SO pounds better. A sudden plan of vengeance struck him. He turned to a Damfian young lady who Avas partncrless for the moment, asked the pleasure of a dance and in half a minute Avas in the midst of the giddy maze. But, all! those treacherous cocktails. Mr Sassafras fell and trod on his own nose, so tangled up were his legs. In falling ho dragged doAvn his partner, to avliosc rescue came her male mate. Then Mr Sassafras got tAVO black eyes and several kicks in tf'C stomach, and Avas finally hauled oft' by a compassionate Avaiter to a bench, Avhere is Avife sat weeping , with her bonnet torn olt' by tbo Damfian lady-love of her recent partner in the dance. "Do you call this musical and social, Mr Sassafras !'" asked his Avife, in cold, stern tones, as soon as she had regained her composure. "There's our lunch basket over there," pointing to where a Damfian group Avcre enjoying its savory contents; "if you are a man, go and get it." But Mr Sassafras said he Avasn't hungry, and that anyhow the four o'clock tram left at two, and they bad only three minutes to catch it. They caught it, hoAvevcr, and picnic is now a forbidden Avord in the Sassafras household.