GREAT DOINGS AT BUSHVILLE.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3715, 12 June 1883, Page 3

GREAT DOINGS AT BUSHVILLE.

fISY A SPECTATOR."J

Although our village is at the end of the Seventy-mile Bush, and a century of miles or more from your town, avc cannot complain that every one of our little affairs arc not duly chronicled in the newspapers. We have persons innumerable avlio arc troubled Avith cacoet/ien scribemU, and they never by any means fail to report local teafights, meeting of cheese factors, or even a meeting of ratepayers. Of course each correspondent lias his own little likes and dislikes, and reports accordingly. lam a thorough* unbiassed person, and I take up my pen to give you a report of a representative meeting which recently took place. Although I am more at home at Avielding the pick, shovel, and axe, than driving a quilt, I will do my best to give a faithful report of the proceedings. As I am not infallible, I will allow that portions of this report can be taken cum tjnmo units. The meeting Avas attended by the representative men of the district, aud the proceedings commenced, as all public meetings usually do, by electing a chairman. This trifling formality always causes difficulty in country towns. Mr A, who is a new arrival in the town, and Avants to be known —cheap advertising-—to make himself agreeable to the chief man, Mr X., in the village, mounts on his legs, aud delivers himself after this style, all the time ho is speaking vainly trying to catuh hold of Avith his fingers the two airs on his upper lip Avhich he designates a moustache : — " HaAV—gentlemen—haw, —As it appears —haw—that a chair—-haw—man is necessary— luiav, haw—l beg to— haAV—propose that Mr—haw—X take--luiav—the chairhaw." Almost before tho proposer of this motion has his sentence completed, Mr B, in a squeaky voice, " thinks that Mr C is more suitable as chairman." Mr A. and Mr C. simultaneously rise from their seats and think that Mr D. should take the chair, although each cast longing eyes in the direction of the chair. Mr E., prompted by Mr D., Avho is sitting next him, proposes Mr '!)., and Mr D., without waiting for anything or anybody, makes a rush for the chair, and, Avith a resigned look, drops into it, Avith the remark that, "If 1 must take it, I suppose 1 must." This action of D.'s takes every one by surprise, but as D. lays his cars back, pulls out his spectacle case, and makes himself comfortable in the chair, surprise gives Avay to Avhispors among the meeting that "D. has the cheek of—a naughty mau!" In trying to eloquently express to tho meeting tho objects for which it was called, D. makes some very ludicrous blunders, working himself into a terrible state of f;\i.'i'ien)cnl,' twists his legs round the table legs, ;dioves his chair fully Unco fcgl back from Avherc ho Avas sitting, and eventually guts into such a fog that he plumps down in a steaming perspiration on the spot Ayhere the chair ought to be, recovers himself and then stares vacantly in front of him, and waits for some one to start the business.

Immediately about half-a-dozen simultaneously rise, and commence giving their ideas to the meeting, but among the lot is Mr F, who v:VI be heard, and so he is. He says that ho has very largo interests at stake in" the township; that the toAvn is not suflicionily brought before the notice of the general public; that this meeting must compel the Government to raise another million loan, to be spent only in Bushville; and that costly railway sheds, police offices, court houses, and half-a-dozen other ct Cftcrci must be erected, so as to make the property in Bushville more valuable—of course his oavh extensive property is not meant to be benefited \>y the expenditure. Oh ! no. In his opinion the whole country is going to the " dogs," Ho would pass a double-distilled A-ote of (-ensure on all the members of Parliament for not attending to the wants of the colony— i.e. Bushville. Getting Avarm he denounces the member for the district because he has wily succeeded iv getting about a couple of hundred thousand pounds spout in the electorate, the major portion in Bushville district. In his opinion the member for the district has slighted the Avhole electorate Bushville —by not addressing his constituents atßushville at least once a week during the recess. F. did not think that the member had any desire to see the colony—Bushville—prosper, as he had refused to make a good road up to F.s front door, when requested. F. had also demanded that the member take up the unallotted shares in the local Tripe and Dripping Factory, but he had actually refused to do so, and only took up live-sixths of tho number offered to him. After several other sensible remarks similar to the above, F. Avoundupby saying that Bushville should have a Parliamentary representative of_ its very own, and, although ''he said it himself, as shouldn't, ho was tho very man for the office." Mr G. followed, and coincided Avith all Mr F. had said. He would suggest that a committee be appointed by the meeting to write out a full aud impartial report of the evening's proceedings, and forward it by collect telegram to every newspaper published between Auckland" and Invercargill, Avith a request to tho editors of each paper to "knock the report into proper shape," and publish it Avith a large headline. As Mr F. had taken the Avords out of Mr G.s mouth he Avould not trouble the meeting Avith any further remarks. Mr H. then rose, and said that, after the preceding eloquent speeches, he had nothing to say, and Avould therefore sit doAvn, and down ho sat. Mr J. Avas of the same opinion as Mill., an also sat doAvn Mr F. again rising, said that he did not believe in flic principle, "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours," but he thought that the ideas that fell from Messrs G., H., and J.'.s mouths were exceedingly thoughtful and Aveighty ones, and should be acted upon. Mr F.s resolutions having been put, aud unanimously carried, the meeting adjourned to the Bushville Arms for refreshment Avhen the proceedings were gone over and over again, till Mr F. "thought (hie) it Avas (hie) bedtime (hie)," and the meeting then finally dispersed.