THE MISERIES OF A GROCER.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3689, 11 May 1883, Page 4

THE MISERIES OF A GROCER.

f 1.-'roin the Texas Sittings.)

All trades and professions have their disadvantages, that are know only to those belonging to to tho said trades and professions. The f firmer envies the editor, and lurr versa, because neither of them knowhow many disagreeable thing there are connected with tho" trade of the other; and so it is with all other professions. It, however, must have frequently occurred to the man of limited means, that the proprietor of the sniidl corner grocery was less troubled with the cares of this life than almost any other mortal. When his wit'o says the cott'eo is out, sill lie has to do is to" go tho coffee barrel and help himself. When his children bother him for candy, all he has to do _to qi'iet them is to take down the candy jar and toll them to help themselves. We are aware that the proprietor of the corner grocery has to pay for his goods, but whenever his expenses arc heavy he can even things out by using a lighter weight or by giving back 'insufficient change to a child, and pretending that it lost the money on the road home. It seems, however, that even the small grocer has his woes. We noticed, a few days ago, that Peter Cooper, an Austin grocer, was sitting on his doorstep in si gloomy attitude. ''What's the matter with the eminent merchant prince "r" we asked, in a tone of real concern, punching him in the abdomen with our gold-headed fane. " I am feeling a little bad this morning. I have got the blues from eating some lobsters in cans that were bulged out at the ends. The lobster was spoiled a little I think, and now I am labouring under a sense of discouragement I will have to get a partner who can assist mo in eating up the unsaleable goods. "That's it very ridiculous idea. Why don't you throw the spoiled goods into the street.

" I tried that last summer, when watermelons were in season, and I was so heavily fined that it took awny all the profits on the watermelons for the whole season. After that I eat them up. Every day, after that, I felt, it a duty I owed my family and myself to eat up from three to fifteen stale watermelons that had been left over, every night before going to bed. My liver got unhinged, or tangled up, somehow, and I've never "really relished ripe fruit since."

" Why don't you keep a pig to help you eradicate the unsaleable goods 'r" "I tried that, too, but there is an ordinance against it, as I found out when I paid my fine. It seems to me as if the city authorities wanted to either run me out of town, or iill me up with second-hand vegetables. " Yours is a, hard lot in life." "It is," sighed Peter, " d—d hard." "Why don't you give the unsaleable, stuff away r'"

" I tried that, too, but it gave me away. I thought it might make me popular with the labouring classes if I gave them the superfluous garbage. I even dreamed of being elected to some high position of honour and trust on the popularity I would acquire from old cheese and the like, but I was foiled, as usual. A can of old oysters I gave the wife of a labouring mail caused him to work on me with a dray pin until he raised a 75d01. doctor bill on me. No, sir, I tell you tho life of a grocer has its dark sides, its shadows as well as its lights. Ah, here comes the doctor to tap mo for tho dropsy I caught Avhilc trying to dispose of a barrel of second-hand pig's feet."

Tin: unhappy man ambled into the store, and as we watched his retreating figure, we thought how much happier was the editor, who rarely gets enough to eat, compared with that of the grocer, who revels in abundance, and is fed on dainties.