A RELIGIOUS REPORTER.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3627, 26 February 1883, Page 4

A RELIGIOUS REPORTER.

A few days ago the local department of an Eastern paper was terribly rushed, and it was found necessary to assign the religious editor to a, base ball match. He watched the game through patiently, and the next morning submitted the following report: "Avery refreshing season of baseball was experienced in the Capitoliue Vineyard yesterday afternoon, affording exceeding unction to a congregation of fully tAvo thousand souls. Brother Murphy, of the Brooklyn class, first Avieldcd the rod, even as did Moses at the rock of Avaters, and smiting the ball Avith prodigious smite was richly blessed Avith two liases. It then became the blessed privilege of Brother Fitzgerald to stand forth, but despite his most fervent efforts, Divine Providence interfered Avith a foul tip, and the brother harvested nought. During this season Brother Murphy had experienced a •change of bases, garnering unto himself the third thereof, Avhereat was great rejoicing, mingled Avith lamentation and rending of garments among the disciples of the conflicting tribes. At this critical point in the salvation of the class Brother Maloneycame among them as a physician of souls but the sheaves of rejoicing were not for him. Like Jacob he wrestled, and like Nathan he fell, for his adversaries ivere plentious and their wisdom that of the serpent, forasmuch when he smote the ball so that it soared, they that were as Philistines unto him did congregate around about that the ball might not escape them, and did hold forth each man his hands, until their fingers in number were like unto the fillies of the valley, and they seized the ball and bore it thence in triumph," "Lookhere;" hoAvlcdthcmauagingeditor Avhen he had reached this point, "Avhat's all this got to do Aiith it." "Anything the matter r" inquired the religious editor. " This is no Avay to Avrite up a base ball match," protested the managing editor. "Why not'r" indignantly demanded the religious editor. " What is the matter ivith it I- That's the way they did it, and that's my Avay of doing it up." " But, man alive!" exclaimedhissuperior, " this reads like a sermon !" "VeryAvell, any objection to sermons!-'' asked the religious editor, tartly. "If you don't like my style of business, you'd better send sonic secular cuss to the next ball game." "Listen to this, man !" said the manager reading from the account: "In this, the eleventh hour, Brother Gilhooly essayed through effectual smiting to turn back the host that beset his brethren, aud save unto Brother Murphy the rich harvest of his frequent exertions by welcoming him to the haven of the homo plate. But his enemies prevailed against him, so that when the ball had been driven from him by a mighty cast of tho bat they drew it Avith the marvelous directness unto him avlio ivas upon the first of the bases, and he smote Brother Gilhooly hip and thigh, so that he fell, and the high priest cried aloud in a great voice, saying, ' All out:'" " That's all consistent with the facts," said the religious editor, as the managing editor looked up. "If there's anything there that ain't so I'll buy you a hat!" "That's all right!" proclaimed the managing editor, " but the style! Seethe style ! It sounds like the Bible !"' " Then it's the Bible you object to," retorted the religious editor. "It isn't the game, it's the Bible." "No no," protested the despairing manager. "Not that." I object to applying the scriptural style to such matters. Suppose a reporter should write up a political meeting in that way. " Our city Avas preciously blessed last evening by richly blessed and fervent meeting of the McLaughlin Democrats. Brother Jim Dunne occupied the chief scat aud aA'ailed much in bringing perishing souls to more perfect understanding of the grace and blessed privileges of Democracy as preached by brother McLaughlin. The harvest avus plenteous, and though the mammon of unrighteousness Avas instrumental in exciting a grievous disturbance over the contesting delegation from the first ward, the Lord ivas Avith His people, and the laborers garnered bounteously and the reapers Ay ere richly rewarded." " Hoiv ivould that sound, eh!-" "That sounds all right," commented the religious editor. "Don't sec anything out of the Avay with that—if it's true." "But hoiv many Democrats Avould understand it : '' None, I suppose.'' " And hoiv many people who admire base bail arc going to understand your account of that game yesterday'r' demanded the managing editor, triumphantly. " Of course, if you put it in that way," replied the religious editor, scratching his car. ' But say, I don't think I can possibly Avrito doivn to the understanding of that class." "Perhaps not, and so I'll turn your account over for the office boy to re-write. Noav come to lunch, for I Avant to talk over a report floating around, that church Avars are like railroad rate battles, gotten up in tho interest of the various organizations aial to extract money from the public."— Prairie Farmer.