ADVISING A LOVER.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3610, 6 February 1883, Page 4

ADVISING A LOVER.

I v.-.tut to sec an editor, ,, said a slim

vtmiiii' man -who woro very light pants, a hat about tho m/o and shape of a peanutshell, and a collar that seemed to bo always reaching for his chin without quite getting there, as he opened the door yesterday afternoon. " If it's anything about a delightful reception was held last Thursday evening at the residence of our well-known fellowcitizen John Smith, or Miss Beatrice Perkins will spend the autumn at Mukwanago you'll have to take it into the other room," said the horse reporter, "because the society editor is out editing a chicken-fight this afternoon, and the orders arc to turn all tho social gruel over to tho janitor. Tomorrow is window-cleaning-day." "I came up to sec, " said the young- man, "whether, one of tho editors would have any objection to giving- me some advice on a, matter in which I am deeply interested. I may say that "' "You're in lovo, aren't you '■: asked the horse reporter: " [ know you are, anyhow," he continued, without giving the visitor a chance to answer. '-There is a sort of nervous, hesitating, cat-foiind-in-the-wrong-back-yard air about your actions that gives you away at once. "What's the trouble 'r Girl gone back on you i "1 think not," replied the young man. " I cannot believe that any one has usurped my place in her affections." '•Done what r" '■ 1 say I do not believe her lovo has faltered :"' " You musu't have such a Boston way of talking." said the horse reporter, ''or wo shan't be able to get along well. The girl hasn't weakened, you >av'r" "No." "How's the old man ? Have you corralled him ':' " Do you mean the young lady's father:' asked the visitor, v look of mild astonishment passing over his countenance. " Certainly T do," responded the reporter. "How do you loom up in the parental horizon :" "The father of (he young lady does not object to me," was the reply. '■Well, then, what's wrong r You have the girl on your side, unci her father's atrreeable. It looks to me like a walk-over for the money." " I hardly think you understand 1 lie matter," said the young man. "My trouble is that the young- lady does not seem fitted to become the wife of a man who wants a helpmeet. She doesn't seem to have any practical ideas regarding life." " Sort of ii girly-girl, isn't she ':" said the horse reporter ; " always talking- about the ideality of the ideal, and all such mush as that, and wants to know if the silvered pencilings of moonlight among the verdureclad trees are not weirdly beautiful. I've seen tli.it kind. They're daisies—to keep away from." ' 1 think you have the right idea," replied the visitor, "although your style of expression is somewhat crude." "It's a pretty tough ease," said the admirer of Maud S. " These girls that are so eternally tethetical are generally first class feeders though—l've noticed that. The silvery moonbeams never seem to take away their appetite. I guess you'd better try the reckless-dissipation racket—that ought to fetch her." '"Try the what r " " The reckless dissipation racket. The next time you call on Myrtle, or whatever ■ her name is, you want to plant yourself on the sofa with a tort, of weary man-been-vcnding-a-M'.lwaukee-piipev look, and put your hand up l<> your forehead. Then when rthc -.i:\vi what'.-r the matter you mv that her n,.,,,,,, r 0+ I j.tb }•-•!.-. been ;jo cold that it mn:t b- that .-;!>- dofi net love you, and tli.it tho thought of her \va* maddening that you have, bc-.n indulging, in recklcso dissipa-

tion. If she doesn't sling herself around some then and say that she will never, never leave you, and how could you ever doubt her love, and all that, I'm no judge " and the horse reporter assumed a Benjamin Franklin look. " I will act on your suggestion,'' said, the visitor, talking up hiskiss-mc-quiek-before-I-iro hat, and looking out in a friendly way over the high-water collar. " How much dissipation do you think I ought to indulge in to produce the proper effect ': " 'Well," replied the horse reporter, "I should imagine that if you were to play about two games of billiards and drink a strong lemonade it Avould constitute for you the wildest kind of a debauch."