FUNNIOSITIES.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3596, 20 January 1883, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

Matrimonial music—the moaning of the tied. An old and infamous composer—a dull sermon. When a cat drinks rum you may look out for ii ruin-pus. There are imitations nowadays on every hand—that is on every hand that wears paste rings. A boy defined salt as " the stuff that makes potatoes taste bad when you don't put it on." Some traits run in families. Shakespeare's father, being illiterate, make his mark. So did Shakespeare. About the first thing a, savage does after being converted by missionaries is to build a better house and buy locks for his doors. A son of Erin, on being questioned as to why he wore his stockings wrong side outward, answered: " Because therewas ahole on the other side " " Eugenic, Eugenic, will you still insist on wearing the hair of another woman upon your headr" " Alphonso, Alphonso, do you still insist upon wearing the skin of another calf upon your feet!"' An Irish auctioneer, while recently expatiating on the merits of the articles he was disposing of startled his hearers by exclaiming : "An' here I have an elegant line of white silk stockings, of all colors !" Scene.—Anatomy class. Professor, showing skeleton of bird's leg: "What is this a skeleton of 'r'' Student: "A bird's leg.'' Professor sharply: "Fore or hind leg? , ' Student, confused: "Eli—a—aw—hind leg." _ ""Well, Mike, and have ye heard what they're going to do with Barney Flannegan'r" " Judade, and have," replied Mike, " They're going to imprison him for life, but 1 don't believe the poor soul will live half the time." " Who is the wisest man mentioned in the scriptures r" asked Miss Goodeuough of one of her Sunday-school class on a recent Sabbath. "Paul," exclaimed the little fellow confidently. "Oh, no, Johnnie: Paul was a, very good man, but Solomon is mentioned as the wisest man." "Well, my father says Paul was the wisest man because he never married; and I guess father ought to know 1" replied the boy rather emphatically. And Miss Goodenough, who has reached the sunless side of •10, did not contradict him, even though she may have had her own views upon the subject.