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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3170, 26 August 1881, Page 2

Correspondents are notified that the sentence, " This sad event has cast a gloom over the entire community," is kept standing in this office, so that it will be unnecessary to include it in reports concerning the demise of agriculturalists who fall from mowers or carelessly feed themselves into threshing machines.—Chicago Tribune.

A commercial traveller from Boston, having had a run of hard luck in prosecuting business on the road, received from his firm the following exhilarating dispatch : "If you can't make expenses, come home at once." To which he sent the following reply; " All right. Can make plenty of expenses, but no sales."

Barnam's snake waggon was smashed-up by a runaway at Salem, Massachusetts, a few weeks ago. The snakes escaped, and hid themselves in the long grass of the principal street of the old city. One old toper, returning from a pilgrimage to a saloon, tumbled over a fifteen-foot boa, but he was not at all startled, and remarked that it was nothing to what he had seen in the prohibition days when the liquor was bad.

A Scotch clergyman going to church) attended by his kirk-officer, who formerly had been a Roman Catholic, the parson, happening to stumble, fell to the ground. The beadle, alarmed for the safety of the holy man, exclaimed. " Mother of Jesus, have mercy on his soul!" The parson more chagrined at Donald than hurt by the fall, said: " You Highland sinner, what better was His mother than minef' " Weel, sir," says Donald, "I dinna ken; maybe she was nae better, but, wow, man, there's a great difference tweech their twa sons."

A party of tourists came upon a man in the back yard of a Wiscousin wayside inn, who was calmly engaged in the occupation of skinning cats. One of them approached him, after soir.e general conversation ventured to inquire as to the object of his business in which he was immediately employed. Grasping a fresh grimalkin, and plying his knife with the dexterity of a professional operator, he replied without looking up : — " Folks hereabouts never eat no game arter the first of April, but for strangers and sich we alters keeps the rabbit season goin' until June."

There was a clean sheet at the Resident Magistrate's Court this morning. The property in Shakespeare road occupied by Mr Ca'ssin was sold this afternoon by Mr E. Lyndon at auction to Mr E. W. Knowles for £450. We are sorry to hear of the death on Sunday last of Mr George Heslop's racehorse Moanatairi. The horse caught cold, and inflammation setting in he was dead in a few hours. The Lyons' Party appear at the Theatre Royal to-morrow evening. From accounts in the southern papers it appears that the entertainment has been very successful, the houses having been crowded nightly, and the performance has been very popular. In reply to a copy of the resolution passed by the Borough Council requesting the Government to assist in making a new survey of the town, the Under-Secretary has written to the Town Clerk to say that the matter has been referred to the SurveyorGeneral's Department. There is as pretty a collection of " burgling" tools to be seen at the police station as any artist in house-breaking would desire to possess. These instruments were found in Rendle's apartments ia the Post Office at the time of that man's arrest. Is it possible that i7i this town we have been entertaining an angel (though he were black) unawares ? In pursuance of the resolution passed at the last meeting of the Borough Council owners of property have been served with a notice calling upon them to fence along the footpath near the top of the Shakespeareroad. It appears to us that the Council is very precipitate in this matter, considering that, until tho re-survey of the town is made, the Corporation does not know where the public footpath begins, or where private property terminates. Amongst the postage stamps found in the possession of the prisoner Rendle was a large collection torn off the envelopes of letters posted for England. At the time of his arrest Rendle had not had sufficient leisure to steam these stamps off the onvelopes, and as some of them had been affixed in a peculiar manner a means is left to a few of discovering whether their letters have been destroyed. For instance, there is one letter that has presumably been destroyed, the envelope of which bad two fiveshilling stamps ou it. Another envelope

had two two-penny stamps and a sixpenny oao on it. The senders of these letter may be able to recollect such peculiarities of the stamping at) the __uve. The Rtamps are to be scan at the police station, and tbe authorities invite public inspection. Considerably over 200 stamps, all torn off posted letters, and the letters presumably destroyed, were found in the possession of the prisoner. It is impossible to estimate the annoyances, losses, and pain that may have been caused by so many letters never having reached their destinations.

A New York correspondent telegraphs that according to the estimate of the most competent judges in the country the falling off in the winter wheat crop will be 20 per cent. Spesulators, however, place it at 33 1-3 per cent. With regard to the spring wheat the estimate is that it will be about the same as last year. A wealthy manufacturer of Philadelphia has bought off the State of Ilorida four million acres of land— the largest purchase of land ever effected — with the intention of organising a great emigration hcheme, with offices in England, France, and Germany.

A correspondent of the European Mail says:—" Anthony Trollope has said in his writings Australians are very fond of blowing, and the Duke of Manchester has said that if he were an Australian he wouM blow as loud as any of them. Australia was honored in the election of an Australian merchant as Lord Mayor of London, and now the citizens have further honored the colony by electing Mr William Anderson Ogg—a very old resident of Sydney, and who founded the firm of merchants in New South Wales of which he still remains a partner—as the new Sheriff in the ensuing year for this great metropolis."

Why have these persons such a horror of the revised edition, as if it were common and unclean ? It reminds one of a story of a Frenchman who was staying in an English house. On coming home from church one Sunday morning, the lady of the house discovered him reading the English Bible (not the revised version), which he attempted to shuffle away in a fit of modesty. " Oh, I see you are reading our Bible," said the lady. "Yes" returned the Frenchman, when he found concealment of no avail. " I know it ees not a varry propaire book, but ees varry amusing !" Exit the hostess, dissembling. — " Asmodeus," in tho N.Z. Mail.

Some stories are " too thin," and of such is the following recital about the 'cuteness of elephants. A troupe of performing elephants in Barnum's circus had been exposed in a snowstorm, and were seized with severe shivering fits, to remedy which four gallons of Bourbon or old rye were administered to each, with excellent results —though it does certainly seem rather a stiff glass of grog. At the end of the next day's journey the " troupe" again displayed alarming symptons of a chill, and shivered and groaned with marked emphasis, although the weather was exceptionally mild. This time the keeper sternly exclaimed, "Not another drop!" and the shivering ceased.

What a curious thing is popularity Since the Derby, Archer, the jockey, has been more talked about than any man in the country. All kinds of people seem anxious to know what he says, what he does, and how he lives. Enterprising correspondents have found out what he did on Derby Day before the race, and what he has been doing since. He is the petted of all classes. Titled men are proud of repeating what Archer said to them, if he said anything at all. Archer has the income of the Lord Chancellor, and his life is a round of pleasure, for he certainly loves the sport. We open our eyes with admiration and wonder when we hear of an artist getting £1000 for a picture that has cost him, perhaps, a couple of years of work and thought; but Archer gets his £1000 for a three minutes' ride.—English paper.

Messrs Monteith and Co. will sell tomorrow horses, produce, &c, at 1.30 p.m., and on the 31st instant cattle, posts, &c. Mr Lyndon will bold his monthly land sale on the 30th instant. Messrs Banner and Liddle will sell on the 30th instant Hobarfc apples, butter, hams, &C. A Gordon setter pup has been lost or stolen. Mr W. Miles has game and dark Brahma eggs for sale. The owner of a dog which has been lost is wanted. A number of new advertisements will be found in our " Wanted " column.

WE REMIND ADVERTISERS.

That the circulation of the Daily TeeeGEAPn is about double <}be combined circulation of all other papers published in Hawke's Bay. The Telegraph is the Government Gazette for Hawke's Bay; the Gazette for all County Council, Borough Council, and Harbour Board notices. The Telegram is the only medium of advertising for tenders for public works. The Telegraph circulates among all classes of the community, both in Town and Country.