SPOILING HIS LOGIC.
The following I find in my scrap-book, put there years ago. It is a ludicrous instance of "Speaking out in meeting," which transpired in a small parish in the south of Scotland :
The good old preacher —an earnest, simpleminded man, who regarded his flock as a gathering of children of larger growth —was holding forth upon the story of Jonah ; and in approaching the climax, he indulged in a bit of rhetorical flourish, to the following effect : " And what kind of a fish was it, my brethren, that Grod had appointed thus to execute His holy will ? Was it a shark, my brethren ? No, it could not he a shark, for God would never have given the tender flesh of his beloved prophet to he torn by the horrible teeth of that voracious monster. What fish was it, then, my brethren P Was it a sahnon, think you ? Ah, no. That were not possible. I hero's no salmon i' the deepest pool of the Tweed could swallow a man. Besides, you ken, it's mair natural for a man to swallow salmon than for salmon to swallow man. What, then, was it ? Was it a sea-lion, or a sea horse ? Or was it a sea-dog, or a great rhinoceros ? Ah, no. Those are not Scripture beaits, ava. Ye're as far aff 't as ever. Which of the monsters o' the great deep was it, can you tell me, that swallowed him?" At this point an aged dame, who had been sitting on nettles, believing her minister to be really at a loss—thinking he had forgotten the name of the fish —as he raised his hand, and took a survey of his audience, previous to capping the climax, knockod him from his bias by crying out: " Hoot, sir ! it was a whale, you ken!" The minister gasped for breath, and looked daggers. " Out upon ye, for the graceless old wife that you are, thus to tak the word out o' the mouth of God's minister ! You've just cut in and tumbled the beautiful fabric o' logical sequence all to pieces !"
" Aweel," muttered the ancient dame, with a firm closing of her jaws, " I dinna keer for that. It wer' a whale ony way !"
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https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/DTN18810517.2.23
Bibliographic details
Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3085, 17 May 1881, Page 4
Word Count
374SPOILING HIS LOGIC. Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3085, 17 May 1881, Page 4
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