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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3063, 21 April 1881, Page 4

A paper in Memphis relates the case of a beautiful young lady, the daughter of wealthy parents, eloping -with an editor. This is as it should he. Wo thought all along that the young ladies would eventually recover from the coachman mania and aspire to the nobility again. The husfc.uiJ of a pious woman having recently occasion to make a voyage, his wife sent a written request to the clergyman of the parish, which, instead of spelling and pointing properly, viz.: " A person having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation," she spelled and pointed a3 follows : " A person having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation."

An impecunious person who had found his way into the Bankruptcy Court, took exception to the registrar's reference to his " difficulties." The phrase did not seem to him at all suitable" His creditors were glowering at him, and he pleasantly. remarked, with an air of inquiry, "My difficulties ?" Suddenly he caught sight of the angry faces and saw what the judge was driving at. "Ah, yes—l see ! You mean their difficulties ?" he observed, and bowed politely to the appreciative circle. The most contented man in the United States lives at Galveston Island. He has been visited by all manner of misfortune, hut consoles Limself in fishing. Yesterday his pastor met him down on the wharf, and said to him, in a voice husky with emotion : " Billupson, you have been severely tried. You have lost several members of your family by death ; your uncle is in penitentiary • your house lias been burned down ; you suffer terribly from rheumatism ; and you are embarrassed financially. Yours, truly, is a bad lot." " Yes," said the old man ; " but I get it all back again. I have -"Tiilar windfalls of good luck. Yesterday I rt-t. '•'da redfish tbat weighed sixty pounds." hookc -. v l an d him?" "No; he pot off " Did jv, %et of line." "Do you call that with forty to. "Why, you see, it was a good luck? - nd J dian > fc gefcpullecl borrowed tackle, a*. n( j. into the bay and drown. \, «.] asfrow „.., A baili/of the ■ Gtorbau, ™Srs on noted for the; simplicity of his . , f the bench. A youth was charged by. tribunal with abstracting a handkero.. from a gentleman's pocket. The indictment being read, the bailie, addressing the prisoner remarked, " I has na doot ye did the deed, for I had a handkerchief ta en oot o , my am pouch pocket this vera week. . The same magisterial logician was. on another occasion, seated on the bench when a case of serious assault was brought forward by the public prosecutor. Struck by the powerful phraseology of the indictment, the bailie proceeded to say, " For this malicious crime you are fined half a guinea." The assessor remarked that the case had not yet been proven. "Then," said the magistrate, " we'll just make the fine five shillings." But we have many analogies-to-t this -worthy among fciie magistrates of En^- ,- land.

Misunderstood Him.—lt is very amazing (says the San Francisco Weekly Post) how knock-kneed some people are in their hearing—never get anything right. The other morning, tip at the revival meeting, while urging the ' almost persuaded' among his hearers to come forward and join the salvation army, Mr Moody said, 'Let any still doubting sinner among you come right up on the platform here, and I will wrestle with him.' In the fervency of his invocations Mr M. did not perceive a man climb up out of tht? audience, and take oft his coat with scientific calmness. lhe stranger was Mr Home* , Lane, the champion collar and elbow wrestle of the United States, and he had jusfc caught the great revivalist a catch-as-catch-can/"P lock » a . nd was about nipping him over thC medodion when Mr Sankey interfered and thb matter was explained, Mr Lane being muci- 1 lin " pressed by the jolly and amiable manner in which his apologies were accepted by the great campaigners against the old original spine twister himself.