"AS OTHERS SEE US."

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3055, 11 April 1881, Page 4

"AS OTHERS SEE US."

By Henby Lapha:m:,

It is a pity thai the word gossip should have acquired the somewhat equivalent and not altogether complimentary meaning which now belongs to it. Because, though we all hold up our hands at the idea of gossipping, I think there are very few people who are not a little fond of it. Not of scandal; that is another thing altogether, —a thing which you and I, dear sir or maclamo, neither speak nor listen to, not we. But it is pleasant to get a glimpse of and debate our neighbours' faults and failings. It is pleasant to know that our friends are nofc quite immaculate, that they have their small peccadilloes, their little shabby meannesses, their weaknesses and eccentricities, jusfc as we have ourselves. The lovo of gossip partly accounts for tlio immense popularity of the biographies and books of Oina, which pour in thousands from every publisher. A man or woman's Life and Letters are always delightful reading, and it is quite consoling to find how the greatest ones of the earth have got their ailings and faults like the rest of mankind. Autobiographies are neither so trustworthy nor so instructive It is impossible that a man could draw a fair portrait of himself. His faults are sure to be concealed, if indeed he will regard them as faults at all, lus virtues will be heightened, his little peculiarities, his habits, hi 3 tricks, all left out, for it is rarely a man knows what Ids own small peculiarities aro. Nor do we like and admire these worldly ones at all the less because we " gather and tell o'er " each of their failings and habits. Boswell, through being the most methodical of gossips, has left us the best biography is the world, and has told us as Macaulay says : " Every thing about him, his coat his wig, his figure, his fall, his scrofula, his St. Vitus's dance, his rolling walk, his blinking eye, the outward signs which too clearly flarked his approbation of his dinner, his insatiable appetite for fish sauce and Teal pie rith plums, his trick of touching the posts as ho walked, his mysterious practice of treasuring x) p scraps of orange peel, his morning slumbers, his midnight disputations, his contortions, his groanings, his mtitterings, his vehemence, bis insolence, his fits of empestU)U3 rage, his queer inmates, Mr

Levct rind blind Mrs Williams. AW are as familiar to us as the objects by v> hich we hare been surrounded from our childhood." Yet though we gossip about his eccentricities we only honor the more this man, who, in spite of disease, of natural indolence, and of' quick temper, won for himself a high and enduring place in the temple of Fame. Neither do wo reverence Addison the lcs.beeause we know he enjoyed his frequent glass of wine ; nor is Dick" Steele a bit the less our friend because that jolly knight has often a very red face and a very unsteady walk, and because his letters to " his darling Prue" are sometimes dated from a sponging house. As for Oliver Goldsmith we would not ask to alter one of his failings, not his simple affectations, nor his peculiarly Hibernian fault of exaggerating, nor his ample belief in his own kindly self ; his very faults make him the more our friend. How interesting, too, are the details of huh life to the gentler sex. To know the habits and doings of our gracious Queen, her dull state parties, her simple unpretentious life, and how instructive also are the accounts of the strict etiquette which edges round the scions of Eoyal Blood. How princesses may nofc talk, nor walk, nor dance, nor visit, nor make friends with the freedom of persons in a humbler sphere.

" Tlien, happy low, lie down, Uneasy lies thc'head that wears a crown !" If then we are well pleased to know and talk about ths doings of persons we have never seen, surely it is merely natural that we should take an interest in the ways and small follies of our neighbors. What would become of society if gossip were altogether tabooed ? How could the afternoon caller? fill out the prescribed twenty minutes if they had not their neighbours' affairs to talk about. Our general mother Eve must sooner or later have taken the apple, because in Eden there was not a neighbor to talk about, and I doubt if a woman would accept Paradise itself on such a condition. It is not altogether, nor only, mischief which prompts people to talk about their friends ; it is that their faults may be avoided ; their indiscretions act as a warning, and it is edifying how freely we canvass, and how ready we are to see the demerits of another. We do not envy the millionaire so much because it has been whispered that all this purple and fine linen are unpaid for; that those silks and satins in which his wife and daughters rustle so conspicuously are really but borrowed plumes, and that in spite of their vanity, arrogance, and pride, there yawns beneath them the deep pit of insolvency, where in a few weeks or months they shall be fallen and drowned. So we say to each other that Solomon was right, and that a "haughty spirit goeth before a fall." When our old maid friend comes to call we (that is, ladies who are lucky enough to possess such a privilege) kiss her, and are so glad to see her, but really it is too absurd and palpable not to smile (with the next visitor) afc her juvenile airs and graces, her false front, her borrowed roses ; poor thing, why anyone could tell her oge in spite of her teeth ! And our little joke is not a bad one, so think we and our friends. It is only charity which makes us receive this lady whose past life is a little doubtful, and charity, of course, which makes us comment and talk about it now. Although this lady visitor is so sweet in her smile, so gentle in her voice, has such tender, quiet, graceful ways, yet we know quite well that she rules her household with a rod of iron, ill-treats, overworks, half starves her servants, makes her husband a slave, and her children's life a burden. How very gushing and affectionate are young Mr and Mrs Lovebird ? What endearing, playful nicknames they have for each other! How they glance with arch meaning into one another's eyes and playfully pat each other's shoulders ; but we know that Mrs So-and-So told Mrs Blank, who, in confidence, told us, that one day at dinner Mr Lovebird said the meat was burnt to rags and unfit for a dog ; and Mrs L can speak quite sharply and sarcastically when ho comes home a little' late afc night. And did nofc their Bridget tell our Mary Anne over the backyard paling that "them two" (so the vulgar creature spoke of her master and mistress) is quarreling and nagging half the night, and the missis do often come down in the morning with eyes quite red and swollen ! Turtle doves pecking afc each other ? Oh! fie, Mr Lovebird, fie! As a matter of course we understand that our little faults and failings furnish gossip for friends. Why not ? They do by us as we do by them. It may be there is some hidden secret, some ever lurking skeleton in our most correct and virtuous life, oh reader, bufc do nofc let

us imagine we only know of its existence ; depend upon ifc, our friends knew of it years ago. Only there is one thing no person can patiently endure, and that is to be told all that our neighbours say of us. "To see ourselves as others see lis" is never pleasant or encouraging. To find our simple faults magnified into vices, our very virtues turned into sins, is more than a human being can endure with patience. Bufc there are such whispering busybodies who will collect all the idle tales, the false impressions, the malicious reports, which are afloat about us, and repeat them every one to us. Ifc is like being tortured to death with pin-pricks to listen to them. " Ignorance is bliss," and the world may say what ifc will provided we do not hear ifc. We are happy in our conceit that afc least we are a little better than our neighbours; then why cannot these tattlers keep their stories to themselves ? Ifc is not only that they repeat these useless slanders, bufc too often they give the name of tho friend we loved the best as their authority, and then there is the douV..' bitterness of feeling ourselves mistaken and betrayed. It is in vain we try to treat the matter with calm philosophy and laugh at such poor maliciousness ; these tale-bearers hurt us, though we despise them ; like gnats "we scorn them, bufc they sting." They take such a delight in the pain and anger they cause, that they will tell and retell their idle gossip, adding to ifc and embellishing ifc afc eaoh fresh recital, and like a dog with a dainty bone. " They turn, and paw, and mould it, Till it stinks." There is this satisfaction to be had from their communication, that such a man or woman must of necessity be mean, false, and cowardly, for they received tho communication at first as a secret, they uso it now to alienate us from those wo lovod and trusted, and they hope to give a secret stab at those wo counted on as friends. Ifc is nofc love for us or care for our reputation which prompts thorn to betray confidence, ifc is nothing more than tho cruel desire to see us mortified and angry, and tlio hope that in our anger we shall say some harsh words against our acquaintance which may be fitted for these pitiable slanderers to gather up and hasten to repeat again and make mischief anew.