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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3013, 21 February 1881, Page 4

Motto for grocers—Honest; tea is the best policy. Officer —Didn't you guarantee, tfir, that the horse wouldn't shy before the fire of an enemy ? Horsedealer—No more ho won't; 'tisn' till after the fire that ho shies. ' Yes, yer reverance, all them names ho called me, in' sis I. 'I wouldn't demane meself to loss me timper wid such a low blackguard,' so I jist knocked him ovor wid the stick and come away.' It is iinderstood that General Sehamatsweckahakienienkoff is determined to advance the railroad interests in Russia. The only thing he has to do is to lay his name down and spiko the rails to it. ' Mike, why don't you fire at those ducks, boy. .Don't you see you have got the whole flock before your gun ?' ' I know I have j but when I get a good aim at one, two or three orthers will swim right up between it and me.' A court of law; trial for manslaughter is going on; Pat in the witness box. Counsel for the prisoner : " Did you see the prisoner at the bar knock down tho deceased ?" Pat. " No, yer honor ; he was alive when I see him knocked down." The Way Down. —' Mass Tom ! Mass Tom ! Oh, Mass Tom! howse I gwine to get down dis ladder ?' € Come down the same way you went up, you blockhead !' replied the master, running to see what was the matter. 'Do same way as I come up, Mass Tom ?' ' Yes, confound you ! and don't bothevany more.' ' Well, if I must, I must!' and down camo the little darkey headforemost.

' Johnnie, , said a systematic and indulgent father, ' you have greatly offended me, and I shall be compelled to punish you; but as I never do anything rashly, I will give you time to prepare yourself. At what hour will you be ready?' 'Well, governor,' answered the youth of much classical development ' if you can make it convenient to meet mo afc tho gymnasium at about 3 p.m., I think I can give you an energetic inteview.'