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Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3005, 11 February 1881, Page 4

Not long ago a new railway was opened in the Highlands. A Highlander named Donald heard of it, and bought a ticket for the first excursion. The train was about half the distance to the next station when a collision took place, and poor Donald was thrown unceremoniously into a park. After recovering his sense he made the best of his way home, when the neighbors asked him how he liked his drive. " Oh," replied Donald, " she liked ifc fine, but they had an awf v' quick way in puttin' me oofc." Afc a ball in Banffshire one night, one of the party danced and drank till he was " blind fu' ;" and in the morning, when he went to saddle his pony for home, he was not much better, and nothing went right with him. The brevity of the belly band perplexed him ; he knew not what to make of a horse's head over which the bridle would not go ; and when the tail-band came to be adjusted, he cried out to one of his cronies, " Losh, Jock, this is no my powny or the hair's fan off her sin' yestreen !" Jock, not quiet so far gone as Willie, went to his assistance and found him trying to saddle the cow!

The late Key. Mr Mitchell, of Ardclash, was on one occasion assisting the minister of Nairn afc the dispensation of the Sacrament. He bad a favourite pony, on which he was riding home on the following Tuesday, carrying on his back a firlufc of salt which ho had taken from Nairn. At the little mill Mr Mitcbel was accosted by one of bis parishioners, who advised him to place the bag of salt either before or behind him on the pony's back, and thus ease himself of the inconvenient burden. " Na, .pa, man," replied the rider, " the purr thing has enough to do to carry me, without the weight of the salt." Ifc never occurred to the simple-minded minister that the pony had either way the same burden to bear.

Whitfcaker is one of the richest men in Ohio, and has made his money by driving sharp bargains. ais hired man was one day going along with a load of hay, when he overturned ifc upon a cow. Tho poor thing was smothered to death before they could get her out. Her owner, Jones called upon Whifctaker tho next day and demanded payment for the loss of his cow. " Certainly," said Whifctaker, " what do you think she was worth ?" "Well, about 10 dollars," said Jones. " How much did you get for the hide and tallow ?" " Ten dollars and a half, sir." "Oh, well, then, you owe me just 50 cents." Jones was mystified, and Whittaker very fierce in his demands ; and before Jones could gefc the thing straight in his mind, he forked over the money.