A WATERMELON FIEND.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 2994, 29 January 1881, Page 4

A WATERMELON FIEND.

He "was so thin that his clothes had wept all apart through fear that he was going to move out of them. As he entered the corner grocery store he called the proprietor to one side and asked : " How much is them watermelons ?" " Einf und swonsey eend." " Would you plug one for me ?" " To be cerdainly." It was plugged but it wasn't ripe enough. " Please plug that one," he said pointing to a fat one. It was plugged, and after he had eaten all but the rind, he said ifc was too stale. He went through every one in the store in like manner, and then called the landlord to one corner, and said : "My wife's very fond of watermelons, hut they are very dear. Do you think that she would know the difference between a pumkin and a watermelon, if you was to paint the outside green and the inside red ? You know pumpkins are so much cheaper." The proprietor got frenzy colour, and told him that " inside vas his sdore, outside vas der sdreed." The holey man slapped him on the back affectionately, and said that he meant to pay him for his trouble. The grocery-man's eyes brightened. " Just give me a ceut's worth of them big apples, and if you fill the measure up heapin' I'll trade with you altogether if you'll chuck in a New Year's cake when the time comes 'round." He got an apple, hut it had a big sore all around one side, and he got it on the back of the neck. When the grocery-man got through with him the street looked as if the contractor had been paving the street with red pavement.