WITTY IRISH-AMERICAN

Dominion, Volume 12, Issue 281, 23 August 1919, Page 7

WITTY IRISH-AMERICAN

. AFTER-DINNER APHORISMS. At a luncheon given at the Savoy Hotel, Ltfndon, on June 6 to LieutenantCommander Read and Commander Towers, of tho United States Navy, the aviators'who crossed the Atlantic, via the Azores, landing at Lisbon,- a speech was delivered by Mr. Patrick I'rancis Murphy, described by tho "Daily Telegraph" as one of the wittiest of American speakers. After Lieutenant-Commander Read had proposed "The English-speaking Rnco— the Best Race on tho Pace of the Earth," Mr. Murphy said news nowadays was so extraordinary that we had lost tho capacity for surprise. The most unusual things had become usual. Why, even tho sacred places in Scripture wero treated' with .light familiarity. They had read of Australian soldiers bathing and disporting themselves in the Sea, of Galilee. The British Army vyent into Mesopotamia, aiujd British Tommies wero strolling in the Garden of Eden, never giviug a thought to that unfortunate affair of tho apple. (Laughter.) "Germany has not gained half of Europe by -murder and robbery." said Mr. Murphy. "Having exhausted herself, then, with tears in her eyes, she asked for the cessation of hostilities, on the'ground of 'humanity—{laughter)— and . the world said, 'Exhausted cruelty is not humanity.' It is the psychological state of mind of the celebrated criminal who, having murdered his father and mother, asked tho clemency ot the Court on the ground that he was an orphan." (Laughter.) The two English-speaking nations (proceeded Mr. Murphy) .were confronted with J the hostilities of peace. Things did not . seem to be going along as quietly as when , jye were at war. (Laughter anil cheers.) i "In America," he continued, "we have the ashes of the Monroe Doctrine and " Great Britain has the Emerald Isle. (Laughter.) On our bordors wo have Mexi ico, tli at wonderful country where every i now and then peace breaks out. (Laugh- . ter.) Now, if Great Britain would only ) take over Mexico' we could do very well i with Ireland—(laughter and cheers)—for ■ many of our largest cities are already ac- - customed to Hibernian Home Rule. i "Every one of us-wishes to make tho t best arrangements of his life. In his , youth ho is confronted with two niler- . natives—matrimony and celibacy. He i learns that matrimony has its (horns i .and celil'iu'v has'no roses. (Laughter.) So i the queif;ioli is whether it is better to , be inconvenienced one way or anoflier. But ho finds as he goes through lite ; that matrimony is tho more popuiar, . for it is with matrimony as it is with [ good mustard-people praise it with i tears in their eyes. (Laughter.) "Some very improper. person has ad- . vanced a theory that people aro either [ young and innocent or old and virtuous. , (Laughter.) So that pVoves that thero , are three periods of life. The first is ; when ire are very young, and wo think . of tho indiscreet things wo aro able to ; to do—that is tho age of innocence. The i second is when we are older, and we aro . able to do the things we thought of [ when we wero young. The third is when we are very old, and we are looking back . on the things that we were able to do when younger, and regret, our inability to recommence them. That is the age of virtue. (Laughter.) It is said that . virtue, like the owl. dwells in ruins. It is about that period that old men give young men good advice, when they aro , no longer able to set a bad example." (Laughter.) | In an allusion to prohibition, Mr. Murphy said tho Scriptural injunction was that "Man cannot live bv bread alone"— , he would'die of thirst. There were many public men in America who did not enrc ; [ for liquor, so tlie.v look it away from ' those who did. ".Morality is the altitude , wo Komotiroes assume towards the unattractive. It is easy to resist temptation . when it is offered by tho wrong person of at an inconvenient time. (Laughter.) Liquor has more enemies in public and more friends in private than anything else. Writers claim that' it, stimulates - the imagination. If that is true and liquor is banned, that will be a great blow to women, for it is noticed that, tho 'women's best asset is a man's imagination." (Laughter.) "Religious objections have been made lo prohibition. It has been discovered that, if you. search tho Bible lhrou"h from Genesis to Revelations there is only one instance on record of a. man aching for a glass of water, and ho was in hell."