Page 3 Advertisements Column 3

Dominion, Volume 12, Issue 244, 9 July 1919, Page 3

PART I . (By Henry Lcuuo.i) Noo, I hae leeved for feefty year, I bad Bomo poison on a shelf, An' leoved the life fu' fairlie ; Some HKKNZO on anither, I hae been treated like si king, An' sae, ane nicht (I'll tell ye tins, An' huntit like Prince Chairlie ; Ma mair than frien' and bntlier!) An' though tae ma auld frion', the De'il I lay for 'oors an' 'oors awake, I umqnhiles held a candle, • Resolved ta end the worry, , For someone's sake I never did Then took some HKRNZO in mistake Get mixt up wi' a scandal. ■ For poison 1 in ma hurry. I've been rin in, an' been rin oot I woke frae slumber, lang an' deep, For drinkin' an' for swearin'; Not deid, as I expeckit; I had a fedit or twa nae doot, ' But like a giant freshed by sleep, Before I gat past carin'; Or candidate elcckit! I've kist the wives of ither men, For a' the ills that curse .mankind But niver gave a handle I didna care a candle. Tae onyone to get ma name I rose and sallied forth tae find Conn'eckit wi' a scandal. The authors o that scandal. Ma character was spotless white, Noo ane is in the hospital An'it had always been so, Becanse the fulo resistit; Until that doubly fatal nicht An' twa are in yon ceinet ry The limmer stole ma Hβ ISNZO, An' a' the lave enlisht. Or dreamt she did, or thocht she did- I gaed oot like a berserk Swede SHE SAID IT-naething mattered, Against the Hun an Vandal; Ma fair name an' fair fame were gane, Ma health and strength were quite restore Ma health an' nerves were shattered. An' God forgeid that scandal. PART II Attributed to a Scotch Exditman. (N.B.—Offers to purchase the crignal MS. will NOT be entertained.) Yon chiel wha blithers o' a scandal, The rain in torrents doon was pourin'. And tries tae kill himself—the sinner- The sleet and snaw our faces lashin ; An' tae auld Nickie hands a candle, Tarn's auld grey mare was m a swither, Yet after a' comes oot a winner, She had nae tail (ye ken that story); He's daft beyond a' contradiction- This nicht she wouldna face the weather. Clean off his block, he's maist surprisin'— An' Tam was usin language gory, He canna wi'a cloar conviction Distinguish 'twixt a dose of poison . As louder still the thunder rumbled An'HEENZO. He's a doited cuddy; He went as mad as any hatter, When common scandals thus can rile Mm Then off auld Maggie's back he tumbled, His frien's should, raely, since his wuddy, An' nearly fell mtill Doon watter. Got him shut up in an asylum. He set up sic an unco bicker, His eldnch squeals they made me dizzy < He minds me o' auld Tamo' Shanter- He thocht as I wha held 'im siccar A cankered carle-for weel I kenned 'im Was Cutty Sark-yon shameless hizzy \ Tae be maiit fond o' the decanter ; He sang in praise o' Poosie *,ancy, Bat noo I'm feared that Niek has penned 'im. He raved o' haunted kirks an witches, Tam aft got foo wi' Souter Johnny An' in Ins terror-stricken fancy An' wi' mysel'-ril no dispute it- Was loupm' streams, an , dykes, an ditcnei Tho' since I met my Jean Bae'bonny _ My love for barley bree has scootit! But here my muse maun faster flutter, But a'his days auld Tam was drouthy- Atlastl got'im tae his ingle, . Frae Kirkton Je»Vs I couldna drag 'im- Where Kate did girn, an' fume and splutter Nor vet eouW Kate, hie wife sae coiithie, Until my lugs began tae tingle. Wha aft predicted Nick wad bag 'im. She vowed my tale was drunken twaddle v At.which she wasna sair astonished ; Ae New Year'n nicht we twa, weel mellowed, Still there was gumption in her noddle. Were ridin' hamewards frao Kilspindie, For aif ter Tam had been admonished, Loud, lang an , deep the thunder bellowed, Kate then produced the household treasureI ne'er was oot in sic a shindy, Which speedily his fears did settle, Wi , Boreas at his fiercest roarin', For HKENZO in an ample measure Frae pole tae pole tongned lightnings flashin', .. Put Tain since mair in first-class fettle. For COUGHS, COLDS and INFLUENZA USF THE FAMOUS MONEY-SAVING REMEDY, which r . r, MAKES A FAMILY SUPPLY OF SaVSS PoUIIdS . LOStS AS. SUPERIOR QUALITY, MIXTURE. «nd OdVefc JT UUlllia It fixed Tam O'Shanlcr up and Kill do the same for you. . Obtainable from .1! CheniiiU and Stores, or Po.t Free on receipt of price, from G. W. HEAN • Manufacturing Chemist - WANGANUI And »t Sydney, Melbourne Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth and Hobart

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