A MINISTRY OF STATE CONTROL

Dominion, Volume 12, Issue 218, 9 June 1919, Page 6

A MINISTRY OF STATE CONTROL

"THE LATEST LAUGH" AN AMUSING SKIT Under the title "The Latest Laugh: A. Red-Tapo Skit," there wits published recently a delightful docket of "registered papers, minutes, and correspondence" showing how tho "Ministry of State Control" dealt with an application of Jonas Rowbottom, a Cheshire cowkeeper, lor an order for lOcwt. of cow-cake. The remarkable gift which is attributed to some "control" departments of doing nothing at.all in the most elaborate possible way has been often satirised 'before (says the "Manchester Guardian's" ,eviewer), but never, perhaps, with such effectiveness as in this bundle of "official papW." It is caricature, of. course, but like all' good caricature .it preserves the likeness of the original. The authorship is anonymous, but v<e are perhaps not far wrong in attributing tho skit to a group of officials well practised in the art of writing round a subject without touching it. The docket can. bo bought for fifteenponco. It. is difficult to summarise tho skit, for a large part of its humour lies in its solemn imitation of official forms and phraseology, but tho following condensation will give some idea of it:— , the Game Begins, Jonas Rowbottom explains to tho Minister of State Control (on April 1) that he wants his, order for half a lon of cow-cake at once, as ho has some nice beasts .fattening up for tho fat stock market. I'onr days later the Minister (through tho Secretary to the Secretary) acknowledges receipt of tho application, and states that the matter shall receive attention. Then the game of reference begins. 'J.'ho Secretary to the Secretary forwards the application to his own assistant private secretary, asking her to send it on to the Director, Section F of tho Ministry (Cattle Food Products). Tho Director refers it to (ho head of a subsection (Mr. Dallymbrc), with tho/following note':— . "I should be glad to hear what action you. w;ouJd consider appropriate; for I don't know to what extent wo should officially countenance the proposed fattening of cattlo in this manner. To my thinking, indeed, it has never been satisfactorily proved that the meat value accruing directly as a result of the fattening process bears the favourable ratio that- is often assumed to tho added cost of maintenance plug that of additional fattening- fond." Mr. Dallymore responds with a page and a quarter of closely-written foolscap: 'In view of your doubts-which Turn bound to say have communicated themselves also to me—l would suggest that although, according to usual practice, uu applicant owning cattle who sought to obtain cattle-food. might not expect to meet with official contravention of'his view that fat cattlo wore better than thin, considered from tho view-point of economic- value, nevertheless, in face of your expert statistical opinion, it would seem indeed reprehensible to proceed further, in this matter without first making adequate investigation." The writer' suggests that the subject would provide suitable ground "for exploration by a Special Commission," whose terms of reference he sketches, Tho' Commission, he suggests, should consider and report as to whether, in view of, eto, etc., "it were not better,.both for man and beast, physically and morally, as well as better economically and materially for tho nation, that tho. beast wore slain out of hand without any fattening process being ■attempted." By May 15 the dairyman gets impatient and writes asking, "What about that cow cake? It is over coming? I want it bad. My beasts are losing condition, so please hurry up."

Meantime the Director brings Mr. Dallymore'a "acute observation" and proposals to the notice 'Of the Chiei Secretary, who in turn asks lor tho observations of the Directors of Cattle Axe Production, Beef Inspectorate, and Shippon Workers' .Moral Welfare Department, "as the question of issue seems to impingo on your respective'spheres of work or interest.'" All threo make observations at length. Those of tho Director, Beef Inspectorate, are perhaps tho best: "My 1208 inspectors report to mo almost unanimously after very careful in-, vestigations that some of .tho meat exposed for sale in butchers' shops carries a greater _ proportion of fat than other meat similarly exposed. Further inquiries tended'to. show that some purchasers of meat preferred a certain proportion of fat, while, on tho other hand, other purchasers desired the greatest possible elimination of fat. In view of this disparity," and with a. vioww. greater oxactness, I caused to be issued to 11,798 '' of the leading '.neat purveyors of tho country ' a questionnaire asking whether tho majority of their customers preferred fat meat or lean. After a few weeks' iutervfil the replies were carefully tabulated, and in view of the overwhelming majority of those in favour of lean meat (the exact numbers wore: four replies in favour of lean and only one in favour of fat; see footnote.) I have therefore no hesitation in supporting Air. Dallymore's suggestion of a commission as to tho whole subject of tho advisability of fattening cattle.

"Footnote.—This ono reply was a little obscure, the answer being nut the single word 'Fat-heads.' I took this to mean that the butcher in question dealt only In heads, and that his customers preferred them fat. The answer, though in some doubt, was therefore classified as 'fat.'"

This brings us only to the beginning of the official correspondence on the great topic and its ramifications. The "observations" go on for pages and pages, punctuated here and there by angry notes and telegrams from the exasperated cowkeepor, who never gets his ordJr after ali. A "Form of Application." , Wo havo no room to follow the comedy to its end, but there is one delicious form ("Application for Cow-cako") from which we quote the following out of the twenty questions:— (1) Ml name and address of appli. (2) Stato whether Church of Englaud or Protestant, oi- both. (3) Do you really want cow-eake? (I) What do you want it for? (5) Do you keep cows? . , . (!) Why do you keep them? (10) Do they prefer to bo miked from the right .side or the loll? Stato why. (II) Do you know any other cowkeepers? Give fult names and »([- dresses. (12) Are they likely to want cow-cake, too, if you get it? Give reasons for answer. . (13) How is it given to cows—(a) to crunch, or (b) served in hot milk? . . ,

(18) Write your full name and address, (19) Write it again moro clearly. (20) Pull name and address of applicant, \