"DOOIN'S "

Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 278, 13 August 1918, Page 6

"DOOIN'S "

AMERICAN JOURNALISM'AT THE FRONT. "Doom's" is a publication issued by 'Americans in France, and comes "almost from the front," according to the New York "Tribune.' In it is embroidered humorously the current histoiy of United States Reservp Base Hospital No. 2. The ohef d'oouvre of a recent issue was the story of one "Still's" visit to Paris, which he obligkgly 'sets forth ill diaactio form for the benefit of other travellers who desire tips on Paris and on how to act while there. Says Still:

"Never j;o to Paris by the noon train, for there is one leaving Havre at four o'clock, which gets into-the big. city about twenty "minutes later—according - to the time-table. ~The Gare St. Lazare, the ,Piris'terminal, is a dirty station. Ton won't miss it, for it is the last stop the train makes. Have your passes and lifehistory well in hand and toll the whole business to a rather bored-looking (Frenchman at the gate. He times your Tate, of speech and after doing about two lap 3 yon are allowed io pass the wicket, and the city is yours. "Don't have anything to do with the individuals around the station who want to take you to an hotel, 'cause you know ■Paris is a wicked city, and—oh, well, just ignore them" and go up to some kind-looking taxi-driver. Then, before you get in, take a slant at the', taximeter and note the number, and make up your mind gently but firmly not to pay him any more tnan the meter says when you get in, You will probably lose out in the argument that will ensue at tho other end, but you will have made a fine impression' on him anyway. As you have told him to take you to tho Continental Hotel he will probably do it. Here you will find a retired Brooklyn millionaire olerking for a pastime. Hand him a good line of drool and you'll get a room with two kinds of run-' niig water in it, cold and not hot; and you will find two sheets on the same bed; which, inoidontally, is somewhat differ- . ent from those cunning army cots.' Be.fore you get lip in tho morning be sure th it it's at least an hour later than the toys have started work back in the hospital, because that is one of the greatest joy's in Paris. "If you are trying to get a job ns an aviator, tho American, Headquarters are at 10 Eue Saint'e-Anne. Don't try that on any one, though, but say Hongkong with a iist and you'll" get there toot sweet. Hero you will find out that the aviation department is over at 45 lAvonue Montaigne. This is some distance across the city, so in order to avoid a big taxi bill you might drop off the back end of tho car when about a block away.. "Aftor tho preliminaries, go upstairs for your examination. But it tho examiner asks you to stand on your head,' closo your eyes, and say tho alphabet backward, don't do it, becaiwe he is only kidding you. But when he tells you to hook your left foot back of your head, stand on your right foot, close your lamps, and. pour out some water from one glass into another, you go ahead'and do it. Sometimes it is hard,-to tell when they are fooling you and wlien they aro not, but never mind that; keep a stiff upper lip and always r.&fflember that tho \tforst. is yet to come.

"After about three hours of these indoor sports you are told to como back in the afternoon for a mental exam. Thon you go back to your hotel and 6tudy Tip gas engines and the trade winds, in case the eiaminef should ask you something about them. Thon the mental esam. _ You will stand in tho antc•Toom with beads of perspiration on your brow and vainly try to romembcr what Ohm's law had to do with Archimede's . 'Eureka.'" Then one long last breath nnd in you go to the slaughter. You wait, and wait, and finally are recalled from ;rour seventy-second yellow canary in the wallpaper by a 6ort-of-half-like-half-not-like sort of a. voice asking, ;Why in the ■world did you ever want to-join the Aviation- Corps?' Then briefly describe the relation of the sinking.of the Lusitania to the shortage of ico in Panama, and' - • • "Aw! well! you didn't expect to,pass, iMjmjj 60 go' to'the Tollies,' but don't forget that tne train back leaves at seven the next morning.'-', ■