THE ELECTORS' CHOICE

Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 137, 27 February 1918, Page 8

THE ELECTORS' CHOICE

(PUUMSMED BY ARRANGEMENT.)

A STORY OF A MEETIKC. •The Wellington Norbb Wectur find his "Wife decided to attend the Aiassey-Wiird-lmku ltaliy in the. Town Hull lust evening, and after much delay, owing to misplaced hatpins and elusive collar-studs, finally found themselves ensconced in the papier uiaohu scats with which Mr. Luke and his councillors Jiavo furnished the popular meeting place. There was much'excitement at the various entrances. Sludgy gentlemen with black ties and creaky boots luir-■i-iotl Irther and thither distributing leaflets .and pointing out the vacant seats. ■• . The AVil'e, alter surveying the throng, leant over to the Elector and asked in a nervous whisper: "Do you think there is any danger of bombs.-' "Bombs? Why?" , ~ "Well, look at all those horrid ipolicemen—surely they must be expecting some violence to be done. Tho Elector muttered something about the onlv violence, beiniz the destruction oi the people's right of free choice; but true, enough at, every vantage point was posted a gnmlnoking minion of tho law, while to the initiated, many harmless looking citizens scattered through fh'> hall were known bv numbers and the magic letters "P. 0."

Presently there was a, stir of anticipation. Heads were craned—and in solemn arrnv there inarched on to the platform the "stars" of the evening. Jlr. Massev, endeavouring *o look confident and' genial, but. plainly disgruntled and ili at easo. Sir Joseph, with his most elusive finile, but failing utterly to remove the impression that he" was reallv puM'bii; out how be could over possibly explain bis presence in such remarkable iwlitical company and on such a mission. Mr. Luke was there himself, "a fubby old gentleman,'' pathetically self-important-; yet withal the one figure on the platform appearing quite at home. Here, posing before his fellow-citizens as the champion and saviour of Empire, he alone of all the assembly could sec nothing incongruous in his position. Oh,happy fatuity! How truly blissful is the state of ignorance!

And thorp in all his fierce hluffness was Mr. John Hutcheson, "the only chairman," ready to make a swift sortie into the body of the hall should the übiquitous Comrade Dowdall, beloved of election "fans," dare to raise his small still voice in such august presence.

"Why?" asked the Wife, "does Mr. Hutcheson always preside at Mr. Luke's meetings? Can't they get anyone else?"

"It is remarkable, now you speak of it," replied the Elector. "You see, they started with Captain Barclay, but his methods were too obvious —and they couldn't hope to win over Professor Mackenzie if they kept him on. Besides, he's always liable to fall asleep in the middle of the candidate's speech, and that is bad stagecraft."

"Well, I shouldn't think Mr. Hutcheson has slept a wink since Saturday," rejoined the Wife. "You know conscience " But tho rest was drowned by tho uproar that now broke forth as Mr. Hutcheson rose to open tho meeting. During the first lull, the Wife, being curious, like most ladies, asked the Elector. "But why did Mr. Hutcheson start the meeting at a quarter to eight? Wasn't it advertised for eight o'clock?"

"Yes; but you know, Mr. Brandon said that Mr. Hutcheson always fires his shot 'befora'.the signal.": ■■

. ■'■ i'Well,'..'. said tho,Wife. : ','l • haven't seen Mr. Luke look so dignified since he jumped off the spring-board at the tepid baths with all his clothes on.Do you remember? I made sure they would make him a K.C.B. for that."

By this time Mr. Hutchoson had clone gesticulating. Nobody could hear a word that he said, and the Hon. Mr. Massey rose to the occasion— What Mr. Massey intended to -say we have not yet heen able to find out. Doubtless his genial nature prompted him to say something complimentary to the audience. At any rate his gesticulations conveyed the impression that lie was throwing bouquets to, or at, the multitude. Unfortunately (someone of a mathematical turn of mind started to count np to ten, i-.nd this induced the ever irascible chairman to call "Constable!" There was a delay of ten minutes or so to enable an exceedingly mild-looking police officer to thread his way in and out of the seats, under the direction of wireless signals from everybody on the platform, in an endeavour to arrest something or somebody. Even the chairman didn't appear to know which.

From this out the Elector and his Wife, who having come early were in a very front seat, were quite unable to hoar anything other than.the tramp of armed men, punctuated by the shrill of a stray bagpipe. Now and then the barrage lifted, and the Prime Minister was heard referring to the fullness of the moon and the medicinal value of salts.. Mr. Massey concluded with an heroic endeavour to wrap the Union Jack around Mr..Luke. By this time, however, the sentiments of the gathering had so completely overwhelmed the docile candidate that, contrary to his usual demeanour, he had disappeared into one of the recesses of his wicker chair. Even his heiul was not visible.

At this stage, Dr. Timelier attempted a flanking movement by a series of short Tushes towards the platform, but the advance was cheeked :by machinegun fin! from the pill-box- in the centre. The extraordinary activity of the chairman induced a shrill female voico to exclaim. "Sit down. Jack-in-the-box!" and the Elector's Wife held her breath while tho eagle eye of the controller of the meeting swept the audience for the offender. ■ By.this tinfe the attitude and facial expression of all those on the platform wore a study in_ still life. _ Sir Joseph, in parlicular, lounging 'tiunly in his chair, was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought. When the chairman announced that he would be the next speaker a still small voice from the back of the hall was, heard piping f|uerulous!v, "Has anybody here seen Luke?" Sir Joseph spent quite a great proportion of his time in once more telling a Wellington audience how poorly the I'remicr and he wore fed while in England. The three ounces of meat, the half slice of bread, and the one lump of sugar, though all somewhat mouldy by this, time, were once more paraded to shame, the gluttony of Now Zealand's over-fed poor. • The subsidence of the two leaders now compelled the chairman to institute a vigorous search for the bashful Mr. Luke, who now abandoned cover and came reluctantly over tho top in the hope that the barrage put up by tho two big guns would have reduced the morale of the audience. Now, the astonished anriiencc suddenly woke up to the fact that there really was a candidate on whose bohalf the meeting had been called. Starting oft' with the now familiar story of his war work, his recitation of his many virtues proceeded in monotone until his rising reassurance asserted itself to such an extent that he unhappily blundered into challenging the audience to produce any man who had done more for the soldiers than he had. This opening was too much for the gallant dector, who, although under the imminent possibilities of arrest, cast prudence, to the winds and bowed his acknowledgments to tho audience, 'midst vociferous and ironical applause. Mr. Luke was then faintly heard delivering a

homily to' the' doctor on high etiquette and gentlemanly behaviour. Having apparently lost the run of his peroration, Mr. Ltiko pleaded with the audience to support a "man like me." "Let us pull together," concluded Mr. Luke, in response to which the audience shouted, "You pull out." pull out." The Elector and his now bewildered Wife left the hall and wonded their way home. "Well, dear, what are wo to do," said she, as ihey sat at supper. "We want to support tho'National Government, don't we?" "Yes," said the Elector, "but the unofficial candidate, Brandon, for me. We must save, them from themselves."; And happy in this wise determination they retired to bed.