THE METROPOLITAN ELECTION

Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 136, 26 February 1918, Page 8

THE METROPOLITAN ELECTION

• $ TOM DICK-AND 'ARRY Tom Dick loquitur. This Mister 'Arry 'Olland—'e— Spmc'ow, 'c don't appeal to me. 'E's 'ighly intellectual—but— fcieems there is maggots in 'is nut. 'E slings 'is talk tremendous slick—. But then it's all puro Bolshevik. 'E won't 'avc conscripts at no price— 'Is fcclin's is so super-nice. 'E thinks as wc could beat the Prooshians By 'irin' 'arf a million Rooshians. In course 'c don't believe them 'Uns 'Ud stop for any llooshian guns. But 'arfa million Bolsheviki All talkin' taffy, sweet an' sticky, All jawin' balderdash an' babblin' The same ole slush as 'Arry's gabblin'— 'E thinks they'd raise such clouds o' gas That vict'ry, sure, 'ud come to pass. There's somethink in this bright idee; " For sartain it 'ud scomfish me. Our 'Arry's gas fair turns me sick — I've got to quitf-an 1 do it quick. Eace 'arf a million blokes like 'Arry ? Good Lord! On earth I couldn't tarryj I'd board the Interstellar cars-Third-class—single—planet Majjs. But German tummies aiu't so queasy— They'd gobble 'Arry's spouters easy. They'd lick their chops <tnd arsk for more, An' think the war a splendid splore. Now since we've got to teach the 'Un That we're not fightin' just for fun, But in 'is messes mean to rub 'im An' most unkammeradely drub 'im. An' since we're common folks an' plain Who ain't got maggots oil the brain, An' know the way to win in fightiu' Is not by spoutin' slush an' skytin', But just lambastin' t'other feller Until for peace we make 'im boiler. For all them reasons—an' some more— We'll show friend 'Arry to the door, An' the village o' th' Iron Dook 'LI vote for victory—an' Luke. As for 'is 'Ighness, Lord do Brandon, 'Im to the Furies we abandon. From now until 'is dyin' 'day .They'll w'isper in 'is ears, an' say:— "You call .yourself 'a sport' ? For shame I A sport' 1 An' didn't 'play the game'! / "All for a bit o' blarsted pride You done your best to down your side." —Tom Dick.