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WHY WORRY?

H.M. THE FOOD DICTATOR

PAT FIGURES THAT IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT

ißy ".Sylvius.")

Pat had plugged through a hard day humping bags of cement, and homo looked good to him when ho arrived there at 5.30 p.m. After throwing his coat down ho got over to tho sink to wash the concrete out of tho corners of his eyes and tho grey cement dust; from his broad, expansivo features. Then, rolling down hiri sleeves, ho felt a. bit fresher and as keen for his bit of dinner as a soldier is for his diluted "bully" aftor eighteen hours in tho trenches. "Cam along, Mary, mo gal, I'm as hungry as .a hyona," said Pat. "Let's see phwat ye'vo got!" "11l lie thero in a minute," said Mary. "Cut somo bread whilo you wait. You men—no soouer than yer in tho houso than you start to sine: out for jour tucker."

Pat thought it best not to retort, as ho cut the bread meditatively. Secretly he knew Mary was right, and so did little Pat and Annie, who wero giggling nt tho table over some utterly absurd comic paper that children alone appealto bo able to detect humour in.

Hero you are," 6aid Mary, as sho pranced in with her face flushed by tho heat of the oven and planked down a dish, in ono corner of which was concealed a small, brown, uneven shape that emitted a not unpleasing odour. "Phwhat in the divil may that bo now?" said Pat, as ho eyed tho serai* o£ meat suspiciously. "That," said Mary, "is what tho butcher described as a small leg of mutton, and let me tell you it cost three-a'nd-fourpenco'." "Leg of mutton, d'ye call it!" exploded Pat. "Leg av a guinea-pig, maybe— three-an'-farpence, eh? Thim batchers is robbers; but it'll be all right soon." . "I saw a nice bit of beef that I would like to have got," pleaded Mary, "but, Lordy, it was four-and-six. I tell jou what, Pat, if it gets much stronger we'll 'avo to cut meat out altogether— the prices aro murderous!"

"Here you are; pass the spuds!" said Pat. "Pull up your chairs, you gigglers there, an' av some guinea-pig!" This to the children, who only saw fresh fuel for their laughter in their good-natured father's littlo joke. , "It'll be all right in time," chuckled Pat. "Where's the vcgeaiables?" "Nothing doing, Pat. Vegetables is off, all except the 'tatersi" said Mary, with just the' very slightest suspicion of tremblo in her voice.

"Why, I thought ye were just goin' to cut out meat and make us- vegeatarians," said Pat, in a bantering tone, for his quick ear had detected the faint vocal tremolo referred to.

"Pat, things are corning to such a pass that I don't know where to get food at anything like a reasonable price," spoke out' the troubled wife.

"Meat.is sky-high; groceries are all up; and vegetables—now I'll teil you!" "Yes, tell lie," said littlo Pal.

"I went down to the Chinaman's thinking to get a few onions to make a little onion sauce. The Chow told mo they were dear, and when I asked him the figure ho blow my breath away by saying a shilling a pound. A. shilling, mind you, when wo used to get oceans of 'era for tuppenco a pound, and put no valuo on 'em! Tho thought of proper onion sauce went overboard, and I thought I could manage with a.few leeks—looks (he same, though they're not so strong!"

"But what do yer think he wanted for 'em?" said Mary, her voice rising as she warmed to her wrongs.

"Was it tin shillins a pound?" insinuated the Hibernian head of tho bouse.

"No, it wasn't; but it was fournence each, and I nearly dropped dead!' "Oh, well, let's be thankful for small mercies. Will ya 'ave some more pig;?" "No, thanks," replied Mary. "While I was at the Chow's a woman camo in and asked for a lettuce; told the John that 6hc had a bit o' beef and wanted to make a. salad—as if be caved. But how did she squeak when he said that the lettuce would cost her sixpence? And it did I" , „ „ "Well, luk at that now; whats the world comin' to, at all, at all? Things mu6t av stopped growin'. . . . But it'll be all right soon." , ."What will bo all right soon, you old fool," said a. rather exasperated Mary. "The prices are jumping up every day. If it's a race between your wages and the price of food, I know who'll win!' "Go aisy, darlint, before the guinea tjiir," said the smiling incomgib e. •TDon't yo see what the frovmmintd doin'P" , i. "No, I don't, but anyone can bob what they're not doing," said Mary "Well, I sav, it's all right: tho Got nmint's goin' to appoint a Food Dictator!" "What's that?'"Oh, a feller that will say what tho food's to cost-like they have in Germany." ... t. IV "Oh, come oft; what can he scoffed Mary. . "As far as t can hear, the Dictator is the man who will say to tho- butcher: 'Luk ere, me foino feller, those legs of mutton or e-uinea pigs (as the case mny be) must be sold at a shilling, and no more, dye see?' An' the butcher will 'say: 'Very well, sor!' . . .■ Thin he will dash inter the Chow's ferninst the corner there, and dictate somethin' loiko this: 'Luk 'ero now, you aliens, this oharging a shiilin' a pound for onions is a bit over the fihee, and those leeks there are not worth more thnn a penny, each, anywavs!' And then the Chow'il sny:'Wolly good!' . . . Thin ho will go down to the fruit market, and say that this nonsense of sellin' white bait at £1 a tin is ridikelous—'Make it two bob.' . . . And so on to the fisherman and the rabbit merchant, and the flour man. He's the feller phwat's goin' ter make 'em all sit up!" "And you believe all that?" said Mary.

"Bolave it, why, sure!" said Pat. "Phwat's the good av the Govinmint appintin'- tho ninn if he's no); goin' to dictate lower prices? D'ye think OTe Govinmint's goiV to risk it's repytation on creating a Dictator who won't dictate?—• nnd dictatin' means the lowering av tho prieo av nil tho issintial food we ate. Hogan twold mo so last night, and isn't he on the ixicutive av the Sausage Skinmakers' Union? T tell yer, it's all right! .' . . . Why, "Mary, Hogan might git (he job himself!"

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/DOM19171019.2.85

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 21, 19 October 1917, Page 7

Word count
Tapeke kupu
1,091

WHY WORRY? Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 21, 19 October 1917, Page 7

WHY WORRY? Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 21, 19 October 1917, Page 7

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