A ZOO COMEDY

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 3188, 12 September 1917, Page 8

A ZOO COMEDY

"DEBATE" ON FOOD PRICES.' Shortly after clositig time one evening; a general meeting .was held at the' Zoological Gardens to-discuss the proposals: as to rationing brought forward by the--Duke of Bedford, the society's, president: (Bays -the Loudon "Star"). It was an extraordinary general meeting held on the-, slopes of the Mappin Terraces, with Bill the Lizard in xho chair. The minutesi of the last meeting having, been 'ead by.the secretary bird,

. Brer Elephant moved that something; be now done. They were faced by a, crisis for which, there was no precedent* and it was their duty to eat as littleas possible, and so defeat the U-boat: campaign. . For his own part he had cut down his daily portion .from 5 to.-tj bales of hay—(cheers)—and, as anybody could see, this self-sacrifice. was already beginning to tell on . him. He was becoming quite baggy i n parts. As a measure of reform he moved the institution •qf a meatless day.

This proposal was Teceived with loud' applause from the ruminants and herbivorous feeders, mingled with roars of: disapproval from the lions and otherr carnivores. When he could he beard,

Brer Tiger got up on his hind legs and 1 , objected strongly to the remarks of the. last speaker. Who was this parsimonious old pachyderm with the elongated' periwope. who dared to say i what they should eat? A toy for children, a mildmannered tanlc with a trunk that took, babies for a ride it sixpence a head, am eater of buns and breadstulTs. (Uproar.)' Why wasn't' he at the front? On a point of personal explanation Brer Elephant stated that he wa6 over military age. Ho had long passed his 127 th birthday." Brer Lion also eaw obvious objection;: to the motion before the meeting. If there was any real shortage of f ood, lies Eaid, whj! not onen the cages every day at 4 p.m. and let the carnivores take' their choice? He had seen many fine fat men watching hiiu at his meals, looking with hungry eyes at his nation of horseflesh. Why should- not these do. their bit?,

Brer Sea Lion: I see from this -report that the fißh T am now supplied with issaid to be unfit for human consumption. If that is so, as a protest against this high living, I shall refuse to do my famous TJ-boat act until it is altered.

Brer Ostrich drew attention to tjie great shortage of tenpenny nails and bed-knobs v Since Tuesday he had had. nothing but a. cheap (jerman • alarm clock and some tacks.

On a point of order, Brer Porcupine moved that the question" be referred baok. .While not wishing to appear unduly fretful Bill the Lizard: Ton simply bristlewith points ,of order. ' Sis. Cassowary: CoilK the chairman say definitely whether the importation of missionaries from Timbuctoo, and hymn books, too, had been stopped? Here the orocodile burst into teyre, and \ J[r. Edward Bear rose to make an emphatic protest against the suggested rations. His buns had already fallen off. both' in. quality and quantity. He could! hardly make a bear living, his bear s grease was running short, and there was internal trouble bruin. . Brer Monkey: Tou needn t talk! I ve. had nothing but a few nuts and part ol a. beaded bonnet for days. What were they all grumbling about? There were plenty of ants for the ant-eater, heaps of mangolds for the pheasants. -Again, why should they put themselves out tortile benefit of the grass-eating slackers r Why should a cow have several stomachs, while he aud his friends had only one. (Cries of "Who poucued theinutsr j Ihe whole system was grossly unfair. At this stage in the proceedings some disorder was caused by the entry ot Brer Tortoise, who, on a point of order, asked why notice of this meeting had been so long delayed- He had received the intimation only a fortnight ago, and, although he had hurried all he knew, he could not get there before. He movel that the. whole subject be reconsidered this day six months. The whole problem, of rationing was . a delicatc Dne Ho woU remembered the trouble his old skipper. Noah, had m the earfy days, before some, of those present'were born. , , Brer Tapir: We can c go back t8 theF Brer Tortoise: 111-put your light out in a minute. . . , ~ On a show of hands the opinion of the meeting was found to be evenly divided, and on the chairman being appealed to. it'was found that poor Bill the Lizard had been eaten by "the Bi-coloured Py-thon-Bock-Snake. •>\ resolution, of condolence wifcff relatives of the deceased was passed nem. con., all standing but the snake, and the meeting dissolved. / Business done—Bill's.