A TANK RACE

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 3185, 8 September 1917, Page 12

A TANK RACE

HIGH JINKS AT THE FRONT

(By Noel Koss in the "Daily Mail.")

Not many days ago tho talk waxed loud and; Urge in n certain mess :iot ■tut- behind the- front line. .Bets were scattered broadcast- and ' boasts were made that demanded fulfilment. 'J'herei'aro ft day was appointed I'oi- the test and- a- racecourso- was laid oiit. It was really a racecourse, Irot it looked like the main street of Messina or the quay at Mont Pelee after the earthquake or the eruption. If anyono had told you that it was a racecourse you would have told him to go and rest out of the suai, or to sit down in the. Bless until it got cooler and. then go on sick parade in. the evening- On Hie day of the contest three subalterns stood "on chairs in tlio Mess. Each had a haversack 'Jiunp round his neck and a. printed card in his hat. ITe cried his botsi and adjured the others not to forgot "the old firm" offering 2 to 1 bar 1, 5 to 2 against Tosh, 3 to 1 Pish or Tush. Bets were taken at all tho odds, for the steeds wero all. dark horses and no one had ever seen them- at thcijp training gallops or p«t a stopwatch on. them. Pish, Tosh, and Tush. . Then the- officers trooped out of the niese and joined ;i cheerful crowd that wended its way .towards the course. Squatung on tho grass, on tiers of boies, on "G. 5.05 wagons, up trey, and on tho roof ot a barn, tho spectators .waited for tne entry of the field.' , Kesently from behind tho iannhoiiso there caiuo tho sound of a dozen .asthmatic: traction engines polling; over a roadway-made of 1 loose iron plates—and. fom: tanks rolled sluggishly into tho course. One says "into" advisedly, for they deeconded slowly into a dip and rose again near the starting-post. They had no- racing colours, but their names were chalked on them in largo letters, 'fhero is no reason why the Germans snoultt know their, respective merits or tihoir wondrous epeeds, bo we will give them the names mentioned above and call them Pish, Tosh, Tush, and The Limit. They cdnie painfully into line, and as Tosh veers and tries to butt Tush sonicono cries, "Dirty! Dirty! Put him'back a yard/' At last, .the four tanks are aligned to tho satisfaction of tho starters and a revolver shot gives them the signal to start. The crowd cheers and waits expectantly.until tho caterpillar tractors pick up a grip of the ground' and tho contestants thuudor off in lino abreast. Pish gains a yard or two ;ir,d takes tho fiwt trench with tho dip and sway of a trawler ridin" into tho volley of an. ocean swell. Site climbs again and makes for tho miuo orator ahead, an<t thero her caterpillar- bands slither aimlessly ill a soft patch, until they bite through', to tho hard earth beneath. Tosh, Tush, and Tho Limit gain here, with the. lattor leading by yards. Tho paco : is "breathless—fully iivo miles per hour—and it' Iboka as if Tho Limit 'has the: race in " hand. • There* ■ aro ■' frantio cheers from-her backers, but, .alas! she stops short with a bronchial -wheezo or two and subsides at an unpleasant angle. A hot, perspiring face pokes out ot a door, much liko tho head of a, tortoise coming from under its shell. It is The Limit's jockey. "It's no. good, you- fellows," ho says, "she's gono lamo in. her off foro cylinder." There aro howls of mock" iago and suggestions as to appeals to tho stewards. "She was doped," says a, major solemnly; "tho stable . had all their . own money on Pish!"The Finish., In tho meantime the other three hnvo , the field to themselves, and they aro churning it up in waves of clayey earth. They stagger onwards until at last they reach the final obstacle—a banked-up ramp with a six-foot drop on the far side of it. Tosh gets there first, closely followed , by Pish, but Tnsli is sadly awry, and,, as soineono in the crowd says, it seems\as if her driver -had sliced: It is a neck-and-nock finish, and an apparition in jcanty clothing dances •excitedly on top of each of the finishers, yelling, exhorting, threatening, and' shouting commands down through a companion-way. Tosh wins, but by.about three feet only of her ugly snout. There seems an uncanny calm as the engines stop and the tired men and hot fall out', of the doors in the steel sides.

' "Phew!" says the • winning jockey, "I could drink niy bath. Take me to where there's one largo drink for ono hot man, someone."

Later, over watery Jjeor, with real ice iu it,\the four captaftis, or jockeye, discuss, tbo raco and make arrangements for another in the near future. A few francs change hands, and four lired men. go off to get an. early nap.