IN MARBLE HALLS

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 3102, 5 June 1917, Page 6

IN MARBLE HALLS

CORPORAL BILLY'S "ROTTEN TIME"

(By Wi.)

The Quartermaster of Stores knowetli no lino distinctions in tho matter of uniforms. To him the phrase: "Pit and stylo guaranteed" is associated with the realm of mufti, of which ho knows, or insists thai; ho knows, nothing. To him, a iilo of men and a, jilo of uniforms are two things to be united with, a wave of a wand, so to speak, and whom tho Quartermaster of Stares hath joined no man, protestations, maledictions, aud profanity notwithstanding, may put asunder. Which explains II9W Corporal Willy, discharged from hqspital, appeared in Piccadilly in the. make-up of a vaudeville .soldier, iiivd surveying the Handiwork of the Autocrat of Uniforms jus rerLccwd in a coiutsaoner's mirror, cursed that individual forward to the farthest generation, and backward to his remote ancestors, ftur or five inches of trouser-leg, turned up on tho inside and pinned, saved his legs from the contumely of the motley, but the shortcomings of the tunic were beyond compromise or subterfuge. 'Tho top button declined to meet tho button-hole, -except on condition that the wearer should slowly and deliberately choice himself to death, while the- sleeves were short to the verge of immouesty. His scanty belongings he carried in a kit-bag. Corporal Billy was ■not alone. By his side limped Private

.lori'j , , also :i ei.ee itjinuvra or the. yuartermastCT's outfitting department. Upon each also had the War System landed ■another swipe. Applying at tho Records Office for back pay, they had been informed that their books couldn't be passed for a day or two, perhaps more, if the System registered a. kink. "Jerry," rjaotli Corporal Billy, "tho situatio'it, resolves itself into a question of 'hoot.' Is it pies and coffee in. Waterloo lioad or a spread at the Savoy?" "Thou *ayeet, replied Jerry. "I have the .large sum of nine bob.' "And 1," said Corporal Billy, "have fourteen in all the wide earthly." "Pounds: , " Jerry's voice thrilled with hope. . "No, gentle- fat-head. Shillings—bobs. Fourteen and nine are twenty-three. Going for twenty -three bob, gentlemen! Two lovely heroes! .At twenty-three bobl Are you done? Going, going " "Shut up! This isn't 1.0110 Pine, you know. You'll' gou run in." Having resolved into committee of ways and moans, it was, moved, sucouded, and carried unanimously to repair to the banquet; resolved, further, that the tutiiro might go to perdition. .Mini tnis ie ivnere Uu> story really begins. In a. high-ckva restaurant hi Victoria Street, «. nice comi«i'ta.ble-looki]jg old gentleman eat down at a. table ;it which were already seated two rather batteredlooking khaki-clad young mcu who had just informed a startled waiter of their intention to etrafe the menu-card from bore d'oeuvree to toothpicks. Certain recent and terrific happenuige over tho water had invested all batterod-looking khaki-clad young men with a lively and patriotic intcreet for this nice, coinforl-able-looking old gentleman, and he beainod upon them. "Pardon me/' he began, They looked up, knives ' and forks in Buspense. "Are you—er—Canadians? , ' ' They shook their heade b and swooped I down upon their plates again. The old gentleman's beam expanded. "Australians, perhaps?" No. They were not Australians. "New Zoalanders, then?" They nodded. The old gentleman—his brother had onco beeta Lord Chancellor of England —positively shone with delight. "Really, now!" ho said. "I am indeed fortunate—my card. Were you at Gallip'oli?" A "Just come from there," said Corporal Billy. "Ah, indeed! XouVc been in hospital, I presume?" "Stopped one at Suvla," explained Billy, briefly. "Wounded, you know," ho added, deciphering the expression on the old gentleman'e face. "Dear me!"'said the old gentleman, "I am indeed—er —proud to make your acquaintance. Very proad indeed, I assure you. Havo you any friends hero?"

No, they had none. "Well, now, look here;" he went on. "I want you both to be my guests. No, not a word! I insist. I shall be honoured. My wifo is most anxious to meet eome of you, most anxious. Now, not another word." He held uo hie hand with a gesture of genial authority.

"I'm sorry," said Jerry, "but. I havo to w> to my peoslo in Scotland tonight."

"•"1 can't, really," eaid Corporal Billy with a glanco at his clothes.

"Tut-tut! My boy," sakl the old gentleman. "Come as you aro. You must! 1 insist! I will send my car round for you at four o'clock to-morrow. And you, fir," he said to Jerry, "must you really so to-night?" v

"I'm airdid so,". v sai(l Jorry hurriedly, removing his shins from the zone of Billy's feet. It was the afternoon of tho first day. Corporal, Billy, on the fringe, of an entirely new experience, stood at the door of the Records Office, smoking a cigarette, with his kit-has at his aide, At four o'clock a big- Kolls-Koyco slid m> to tho kerb, purring eently, a footman de--scended, approached Corporal Billy, and touched his hat with a polite inauiry. Somewhat gingerly he picked ui> the kitbag, placed it in the car, then oD.enod the door, and ushered Billy into the luxurious eleganco within. Billy, experiencing, the sensations of one who had been kidnapped while in a hypnotic txauce, sank back in tho cushions, and strove to convince hiiuself that he' had nothing to bo afraid of. Such was the depressing eifect of his clothes, however, that lie felt like taking a Hying leap from the car and running for his life. The big car hummed along for about twenty miles, then turning in at the lodge- gates, rolled smootlily up a lnas,'niiicenc drive ami camo to rest in tho uortu cocb&re of u fine old English mantioii.

Billy, with the iootiuan and tho kitbae following at a respectful distance behind, ascended the steps and approached a being in whom generations oi service in the hulls of tho great had concentrated tho quintessence of domestic pomp and circumstance. Under the mesmeric influence of this being, who regarded tho spectacle of a kit-bag on tho front steps without a tremor, Billy was l translated to the regions above, a proceeding effected by the ascent of a grand staircase upon which Billy's ammunition boots beat a clattering tattoo. By the" time he arrived at his room, Bkut the door upon his escort, and sat down upon the edge of his bed to think, he was tho most miserable and individual in the United Kingdom.

At this point, I think liilly ought to tako up the story and imish it. "After I'd been there for about uu hour, somebody was sent up to fetch me down to the library, where Mr."—we-will call tlio nice, comfortable-looking old gentleman ill , . Duffin-Paget—"ilr. .Oufiin-Pttget was waiting for me in evening dress. Wehad a yarn for a bit about things at tho front, and after that we went in to diunei\ There were some other people hero—in evening dress. I never was so dead scared in all py life. You would liave felt the same if you'd come out of tho Quartermaster's Stores looking like a Guy Fawkes and got pitched into tlio middle of a full-dress dinner. It was a jolly line dinner, too, if only I had had the nerve to eat it, but what with ono man hovering about behind, "my chair, the old butler giving me the cold creeps, about fifty Icmve3 and forks, and about a dozen different wine glasses in front of me, I don't know just'what I did. I know this much: I cut tho glasses out and hogged into the water. Of course they were all as kind as they could be, took me round, introduced me to everybody in the house, told mo that I was to have everything I wanted, arid what I couldn't see in the way of wants I was to ask for. Gave me a gun and told mo 1 could so and havo a shot at the pheasants. You could knock them over with a walking-stick. But it was lie good. I liad the most ratten time there I've ever had in iuy life. Tho best day was the last. At least I mado it tho last. Dutlin-Paget's.son, an Eton College boy, took me out one long glorious day on a motoring tour. \\o went to Buniham Beeches, and saw the most: beautiful old Bnglish scenery you could possibly imagine. On the way home ho lot drop a hint that 'his governor had

invited half the countryside to dinner that night to meet me.'- 'William,' said 1 to myself, 'this is whero you push , yourself off. Walker's Ridge was a. Sunday School picnic compared to what this little dinner party's going to foe! . We woroVuiming alongside tho railway line just then, and by and by we came to ft station. There was a train just in. Where it came from, .or whero it was goinff, 1 didn't know, and cared less. I memo same excuse to go into the statiou about semathing, piled into a third-class smoker, tho guard blew Ilia whistle— lovely music it was 100-tho engine tattled back, nnd I said good-bve to Hie inarblu halls."