A FANTASY OF THE GUNS

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 3028, 15 March 1917, Page 6

A FANTASY OF THE GUNS

WEIRD CONCERT AT THE FRONT.

(By Old Molburnian, in the "Argus.")

The conversation seems to be an everlasting one, and every remark is punoluatcd with a bullet. It begins about half an hour before dark. The people engaged therein cannot see each, other; that is tho curious part of it. But just to keep themselves from getting lonely in the darkness, they koep up a running fire of chatter. Sometimes they become rather heated over some paltry argument, and some browbeaten individual finds a converging fire of rude remarks hurled at him.

The sound of this "little talk" arises suddenly out of the quiot'night, and the noise of its deafening clatter greets the ear like this:—

Tommy (gaily addressing nobody in particular): "Did —did—da—da—did— did—da—da—da!"

Hans (addressing the company at large, and turning from one to another of his audience): "Did—di—di—di—da —da—dap—dap—dap—da—da—di!" Tommy (soothingly): "Da —da—da!". Hans (indignantly): "Dap—dap—dap —di—di—da!"

Tommy No. 1 (derisively): "Da—did —di—da—da!"

Tommv No. 2 (tentatively): "Dap— dap!"

These are Lowis gunners talking to Fritz, ragging him just a, little.

Farther down the Kne are Maxim gunners. Thov talk slower, but always make very caustic remarks, making up in quality for what they lack in numbers.

"Pom—pom-pom—pom!" remarks Fritz, pompously. "Pom—poddle—oddle—oddle — oddle —oddle —oddle—oni!" says Tommy, by way of rejoinder. He is already rather amused, but if you listen carefully you can detect the chuckle of his voice. "But," says Fritz, "pom—poddle— di —om —pom?" "What!" thinks Tommy, "did ho say that thing Georee Pobey used to have in liis patter?" He is nuzzled, so sends over an inquisitive "pom!" which means. "Say that again, w.ill you?" "Eight," snvs Fritz. "Pom—poddle —di—0111—pom!" "Pip—pip!" chimes in a Lewis gun 011 the left impudently. "I vas not speak to you," says Fritz, or rather lie really says, "Pom—pom— pom—pom—pom" (his .voice is very expressionless, you know) angrily. "Ha—a—a—a—a —a —a!" rejoins t-ho Lewis gun in a burst of fiendish laughter. "Pom—pom!"—" Pom—pom!" says Fritz furiously. He means —"You W01lld.W01lld.XQU?" "Fritz is getting rather high and mighty," think the Lewis and Maxim, for you see great men think alike, so together they turn loose at him a flood of invective. "Poodle—oddle—oodle—om"—"did— dap—dap—dap"—"noodle — oddle" — "da—da—da—da—dal" And they talk so hard that you can hardly distinguish one voice from the other, and Fritz retorts but feebly. But what was ihat? "Boom—zee—o—p.—s—e—e— e—e —e —e—e—u—ii—oo! Bang! Some loud-voiced individual has taken up the argument, and effectively, for Fritz is silent—and with good reason, too, for he has sustained a. shattered leg. a battered muzzle, and a tattered jacket. So lie retires in disorder. But there aro others more fortunate and they go or. and ever on, swelling up in a croscendo just before dawn, and keeping CT a brisk poiv-wow until tho liglit is loss uncertain, and objects have taken a definite shape. Then at last thev are silent. And for sheer joy of'bein? at last able io sit in peace, and cool his aching throat, Tonnnv gives vent to a cocklike "Tr.m-tiddle-di-um-tnm — chonlcehonk!" and a.t last it is daylight when men sleep. Mr. Sharp, the United Slates Ambassador to France, was present at the laying of the first stone in the reconstruction of the village of Vitrimout (Meurthe et- Moselle), which was destroyed by the Germans. The work has been undertaken by Mr. William j Crocker, of San Francisco, and Miss j Daisy Polk. j Baggage, etc.! Alv dear t'ello"', yon ! don't citeli mo lx}l holing myself when the New Zealand Express Co. will ehe.:t; it for nie! Tlipy collet-!. check by train or boat, and deliver immediately. Saves | mo a world of trouble. Ilomembor their address; 87-91 Customhouse Qu&y,-Advt v i