THE WHIFFLING OF THE WHIFFLER

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 3024, 10 March 1917, Page 10

THE WHIFFLING OF THE WHIFFLER

A STORY FOR THE YOUNGER

GENERATION

(By "Wi.")

Ask your father if ho remembers the day when lie was chased through the streets of Wellington, by a fearsome obiect garbed in the costume of a- Red Indian, carpet slippers on his feet, a string of sausages round his neck, and a sheep's pluck whirling in tho air as Iβ whooped alone in vain pursuit. He will smile a reminiscent smile, lay down his paper and sav: "Tthat was the Whiffler."

It was the Indian sun that did it. It had caught His medulla oblongata in an unguarded moment, kinked his brain, disorganised his steoring gear, and. John Smith Harris, sometime- a distinguished arid capable member of tho British Chartered Society of Accountants, became a whiffler, and a derelict. Do. you know what a whiffler is? Ever seen a bird with his tail feathers glioi .off.? It can't steer. Tf-, is like a ship without a, rudder. That's how the whiffler liimsnlf defined the word—a bird with its tail feathers shot off—and that's how he eo't his name. If your grandfather is njijii. and can remember Wellington in the 'eighties, he'will probably be able to tell you more about the Whiffler— iho the only Whiffler—than_rour father can. Got him down into a qnjpt corner of the Harden some day and jog his momorv.

The Whiffler discpnrjjd upon New 'Zealand under the best possible auspices. In January. 1883, beinrf then ono of the sojninj members of the accountancy staff of Laundy and Company, he , aeeej)ted an engagement to supervise the business interests .of Greatrex and Son, leather and crindery merchants, in certain branch enterprises that had been inaugurated in this part of the world, but which had trot into some confusion owing to kxity of control. His salary totalled five hundred a year, reckoning nay and commission. He arrived in the early part of that r£n';_.and immediately entered upon a hilarious career which kept tho community in a continual titter of merriment.

Tlipro was a sort of Doctor . Jeicvll-nnd-jMr. TTydo touch nbout the Whiffler. For a while he would ho perfectly normal, and would undertake accountancy work for legal firms. It is due to him to say that his work during these periods of normality commanded respect. Tie was clever, brilliant, witty, an entertaining talker, and \vould havo been a croat social success hnd not the Indinn sun Rofc him. Theii he would suddenly go off the rails, don eccentric costumes, and pernetrato bizarre jokes .iiDon tho community. Under these cirviT/nstances -polite sooirty dronped him like a hot potato, and the downward path tberoflftor lipoame easy. You would s«t him cominc along tho Quay, 'dressed 'i. : : a onoer hunter's rig-out—a rabbi most likely, boots and short, lfi'Tg)nj»K, or perhaps a- pair of cnvpp-t sJ'ppirrs, twill swinging a sheep's pluck. If you wero not careful, and ventured sow* disrospept, the Whiffler would instantly whirl tho pluck with frightful menace Sometiratß ho would appear as an Tiidinrjj. and chase terrified juvenile tormentors- along the' streets.

Not long after his arrival in the colony, ho went over to Blenheim on business, and there his fatal aberration overtook him. Ono thrilling morning ho sallied forth—bub lot tho Marlborough "Times" of May 8, 1883, tell the story in its quaint, old-fash-ioned diction:—

"At eleven thirty o'clock to-day, a rather amusing soeno was enacted immediately, in front of tho Government Buildings. Mr. J. S. Harris, whoso doings in Blenheim have been tho themo of universal conversation during the last two weeks, was seen all this morning carrying a doublo-barrelled , brccch-loading gun under ono arm, and an umbrella under the other, for all the world liko an Indian on tho warpath, and many nervous peoplo imagined that he was bent on some purpose with fell intent. He liad been semi popping round ono corner of the Square, and thon round another, until, as wo have before remarked, a great many peoplo woro afraid to show their nosos in the immediate vicinity of tho Square, the consequence, being that Mr. Harris was sometimes the only pedestrian observable. Faces which boro tho look of blank dismay might have been seen peeping out from tho corners of windows with blinds drawn, Mr. Harris being the 'observed of all observers. . There is a finality to all things, both of joy and sorrow, and about the time wo have named,. Mr. Han-is waaseen entering tho Government Buildings by the main entrances Previous to entering the Buildings ho carefully left his gun outside, leaning against the doorway. Policeman X at this juncture made his appearance upon the scene. He saw the gun at full cock, aiid-.no doubt thought ho bad a case. .■ By this timo a few of the morn adventurous residents had assembled to see the fun, and various were the conjectures as to whether Mr. Harris would got 'run in' or not. A minutes after Mr. Harris . went into tlin Buildings, ho was seen coming out. He slowly shouldered his weapon, and was proceeding across the Square when tho policeman arrested his progress, in a stentorian voice, with, 'Mr. Harris, allow me to look at your gun.' (Fancy a policeman saying "Allow mo" in these latter days!) With his usual gentlemanly demeanour, Mr. Harris handed tho gun to tho officer, who unlocked it. Just as ho expected, the gun, to all appearances, had two cartridges in the barrels. Mr. Harris asked the officer to examine them; when, 10, the cartridges were empty. Of course, it is against tho law to carrv a loaded gun tlirough tho streets, and apparently Mr. Harris very well know it, The bystanders enjoyed the 'sell , immensely,'and Mr. Harris, who had boon coolly enjoying a fragrant Havana all the time, lj'nlitnl.y received his pun back, ami left fn'r other happy hunting grounds, while tho officer proceeded round tbo nearest corner -r.n other pleasures bout." Soiv.o other time I will tell you how the Whiffl.-,r |pct bis hat. mid found it again, and how ho won a lawsuit and convulsed the public.