"THE BIGGEST FOOL AT ELLERSLIE"

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 2982, 20 January 1917, Page 13

"THE BIGGEST FOOL AT ELLERSLIE"

A "PUNTER'S" SOLILOQUY.

A quaint littlo .comedy enacted to an audience of one behind the Ellorslie grandstand on the last day of tie summer meeting lias just come to light, and even at this late cay it will bear repetition (says tho Auckland "Herald"). A punter who had remained behind when tho crowd had . gone, to count his winnings, • saw a veteran from Wayback turn the corner and begin a soliloquy, "Well, aren't you an old fool!" he burst out, to, or rather at, himself. "Aren't you the biggest ofol at Ellcrslio? You deserve a good fooling, and I don't, know that I won't give it to you." "Wlat'B gone wrong, old sport?" asked the amused onlooker. "Well, wouldn't it got your goat?" responded the ancient. "I came out hero tho first tlireo days with £20 a day,. and lost the lot trying to pick the programme. I came out to-day with another £20, and made up my mind that I would pick ono real good thing and risk the whole lot on that. I sorted out Sheila for the last race, and stuck to my intention till the fourth raco. Then a friend persuaded mo to put a liver on Biplane for the Iloyal Stakes. He couldn't lose. But ho did! 'Well, that was hard luck,' said my friend, 'but put another fiver on Tenacious, and you'll get your fiver back and a bit more.' Well, I let myself be kiddied into it. A' tenner gonel He didn't find me again until tho Plate, and then he begged me to' put a tenner on Sasanof. 1 wouldn't got much of a dividend, he said, but I'd land most of my twenty hack. I put on £9, keeping a quid for Sheila just in case of accident. Well, Sasanof didn't win, and I. had a pound left for my original fancy. But when they were out tho samo old friend pointed out to mo the surprising merits of Cultriform, and my last bit went on that. And Sheila won I" Then tho' audience faded from tho luckless punter's mind and the soliloquy began again."Aren't you the biggest old fool that ever went on a racecourse? I'll teach you a lesson," and with thata he droyo his good right hand against the point of Mb jaw with a crack that could be heard a furlong away. "That'll teaoh you something, p'raps!" He went on: "No, that's not enough for you; I'll drive it into your thick head."/ Then began a rapid search of his pockets, while the amused onlooker had visions of razors and revolvers. But it was a railway ticket that came out,, to bo torn into tiny shreds. "There now, you old fool, walk home in the rain!" commanded the "stony" programmepicker, and without further ado ho began his four-niilo tramp to town.