THE MISFIT PARADE

Dominion, Volume 10, Issue 2886, 26 September 1916, Page 6

THE MISFIT PARADE

A' TBENTHAM OCCASION.' ! ' •■ 'If No. 0132965 Private William Jones I . . puts on his brand-new tunic for the ;?' ■■; first time, and is subsequently informed by ribald that what was l,v : ■ once a. man is ■ now a Guy ; ■v.Fawkes, he cannot immediately take ... ; . .". the outrageons garment off and fling it at the man who foisted the thing upon . -him. Disoiplino, that great arid glori- :' ous system, by which the Society of • Arms lives, and moves, and haa its i'.' being, lays a firm hand upon -the scruff ";•.■'... of his neck, so to speak, and restrains him from violence. He lifts up his .voice, certainly, but quietly and xe- :. speotfully, as is fitting to His , Ma-' ; ' jesty's uniform, and to .His Majesty's :.'.'■ person, the , latter represented at .tho V' moment by the sergeant, and is .: . in due course paraded with other victims of thei Army Clothing Depart- • ment, and marched off to tho quartcr- ',■.'■."'"; master. . \ Here the.System gives their taalsan- '■..;.■ other twist. The quartermaster, re"plete with every inch of authority in".'.yested_ in his stripes, glowers at the shrinking malcontents in the manner r :■ ofan ogre who has had three or four ]y' : : for breakfast. ■•' No. 1 complainant, addressed for a statement of his grievance, replies that ;- ..-his .tunic was evidently intended for , a man two sizes larger, with a .tenV doncy to embonpoint. ; ; ,.■... ■ "Rubbish!" says the Ogre, briefly. "You'll soon fill out on the life you're .going to lead—three good inoals a day —get out I" ;■■:.:: Enter No. 2.' \ .. . 1. ■'• "Well?" . ■ ■;. '.'■'.;. "Tunic's too tight round the waist," !'■.'-,. says an apppleotic youtb. "That'll bo all right," says the Great ■' Man,' "physical .drill first thing in the ... - morning, and, you'll bo surprised. . -.You're too.' fat—get out!" f No 3 appears in,what seems to be !■'•'■:': an unsuccessful cqmpromiso between a Roman'toga and an outsize in dress- >.. ■-.■.'. ing-gowns. . ■ ■"' "Coat's miles too big," he says. ..'; ".Best way to-havo them," says the ' ;"JOgre. "You can bury'your head and -': feet in it theso cold nights. Got "' "But I can pull it over my head with- :.'.. out undoing'the buttons," persists the : complainant. . ' ;.--,.■ ' "Hum—let's see you do it." ..- ■ j . .;'■'■ The youth obliges. He raises his ~, '. hands above his head, gives his sleeves [■;'•& pull, wriggles about'inside, and'fin- " . ally pulls the entire garment over his , head, in the manner of a man pulling r ... 'his shirt off, and deposits "it at the feet of the quartermaster. .; ' Judgment in this case for complainV ant, with order for Eftw coat—"Wi." :