DISTINCTLY FUNNY

Dominion, Volume 9, Issue 2776, 20 May 1916, Page 3

DISTINCTLY FUNNY

"TO TOO RATS—TWO SOL'S" FRENCH SOLDIER'S STORY OF RED TAPE I The .Sallowing letter lias been received from, tho.front (says, the Paris .correspondent df tho London "Standard"), ami is published by M. Humbert, senator of tlie Mcuso: —Having knocked over • Uvo rate with a stick within .70 yards or _ t'lio enemy, i wished to collect.'the price placed by the authorities on tho heads of theso annoying vermin. I went tu report to the lieutenant in command of iny company,' arid, - showing him my booty oil the end of a. piece of string, I handed him a document with three signatures, which read: ' "Tho stretcher bearer G.J. lias tho honour to declare that on tho evening of tho —th of February, in tho Sector Z, he killed' two rats, whose bodies he showed to Lieutenant P.j commanding liis company. The stretcher bearer U. .). begs to claim from the rcgimeutal treasurer the sum of one penny' (one halfpenny per rat, on exhibition, of the tail), the reward that is stipulated,by a former order, read out to the' 'troops at Z, in cantonments. Signed by the squad corporal, tho half-scction sergeant, and the senior section adjutant." "It is the first time," said tho lieutenant with a smile, "that any man has applied for this, but you have a perfect right to the reward. I should like, however, lirst to read over again tho circular you mention, before acceding to yeur request. I shall send to X for it, as tho sergeant-major there I must havo it." Now Xis a villago | about 1 seven miles away,. where wo had been in cantonments. A cyclist was called, and given a pass, signed by the colonel, together with another letter from my company for the sergeant-major. After laborious research the sergeantirajor recopied the circular, with which tho cyclist returned. Tho next day I V/as summoned to the office of my unit. "As for that business about tho rats," said the clerk, "go and seo the adjutant of the battalioii yourself, and give him these three documents." "These" wore my request/ the copy of .the circular (about 40 lines), and a aote from my company commander, as follows:—"It is true that the stretcher bearer G. J. has shown mo vv:o dead rats. To prevent any future deception I havo had the two-tails buried, as in the terms of the circular they are sufficient proof of tho destruction.of their'wearers." "Still moro'papers!" sighed tho adjutant, as soon as ho learned tho object of my visit. ."But.the circular is clear; I will refer to my commanding officer." And fliercupou ho slipped my three papers into a portfolio marked "Papers for signature." Another day passed. Hie day after, as I was on duty at the first-aid post, tho stretcher-bearer sergeant took, m'e.on, one "side. , "So. you have become a trader in dead rats! Your , petition ,is going, through, the regular channel, and a mimito ago was signed by the principal medical officer, and I shall, submit it this evening to the senior doctor on duty." —

"And then?" I asked. "Then, as you havo started this gaiiie., the senior doctor will doubtless order me, to create a dossier for 'rat destroying! v" And, just as the sergeant stretcher-bearer had predicted, tho head doctor, when signing a note (good for one penny to bo paid), established a formula-—a'sort of death certificate for rats. During the next Two days my. affair seemed almost lost in the mazes of an'administrative dossier, but it liad nevertheless made a ; leap, for I found it in the Cclonel's office. "Von shall havo your penny,?' said the secretary, "but Lieutenant C.' has not stirred from X, where sirealso the 6ergeant-niajors mid' the orderlies. Do you want mo to dispatch a.Q&'clist immediately?"

"What- will happen liexfc-io-niv • demand?" 1, asked... "It-will'go straight oil.- ; The detail officer ivill order the 6ei'goant-major on next pay day to 'add one' penny for you in ' cxcharige.'.'for a receipt in due form. Then all the papers will 1)6 made up into a dossier, to be communicated tcTthe paymaster at the ■regimental .depot, whoso deputy is the detail officer. Later tho same dossier will he forwarded to the Aiidit Office, which has to control and verify. Then " "Enough," I cried. "I voluntarily forego my reward." The writer lias probably exaggerated, but on all sides'one hears most ridicuJons stories of the difficulty of collecting small sums due. There'is, .howerer, no parsimony ,in expenses, and some system of control is necessary for infinitesimal sums, as well as for millions, over' which loss fuss is made."