FILLING IN THE FORM

Dominion, Volume 9, Issue 2603, 27 October 1915, Page 6

FILLING IN THE FORM

THE PATRIOT AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE TYPICAL SCENE [BY Sri.vioß.] John had just nicked tho top off his second boiled egg, when the postman's rat-tat sounded. "Bring 'em in here, Tootums; moro lovo letters from my creditors. Let's know tho worst, so that I can worry all day at worl* about how I am going ' to pay them." "But we liavo to live!" said Maggio, the wife, alighting on a great truth. "Have we?" returned John, nettled by the bills, "I supposo we do —anyhow, it's an offonco in law to stop yourself living, and nono of us want to bo hauled up to court and haranged." This with the bitterest sarcasm, owing to having opened a bill which read "To one summer hat, £3 ite." "I notice," lie continued, "that hats are; keeping pace with food!" "What do you mean?" asked Maggie, with some show of asperity. , "Going up; pity you can't do with a guinea hat, with the war on and bread at *4Jd. a loaf. Can you wonder that I am getting snowy over the ears?" "But one must dress," said poor Maggie helplessly. "Have they now," responded the amiable one. "You'ro full of discoveries this morning—a regular daughter of Eve!" ■

" 'Ere's anuvver bill, Daddy," said Tpotums, offering her father a large cream envelope. "What the blank's this? —another demand—oh, here we are, tho National Register at last." "Oh, John, don't go; yon'can't leave me and the children!" pleaded Maggie. "Now, hold on, old girl, you misunderstand. This does not mean conscription, but the Government want to know something about every man who Is capablo of bearing arms. Quito right, too! flow would you like a German horde sweeping through New Zealand with lire and sword?" "Oh,' don't, don't!" whispered Maggie, faintlv. "All right, then. Now this is to let 'em know where wo stand as to our manhood, sco? Now, lot's have a look at it. 13m! (rending;): 'Name, surname; date of birth." What's the date of my birth, Mag? For tho life of me I've forgotten. Mistake to have birthdays after thirty. Some time in December, ain't it?" "I think it's the third, dear!" said Magaie. "Oh, well, we'll find out. Hm! 'State country of birth.' Good old New Zealand! 'Your mother—born in, oh, lor— Scotland,, of course; and father. Yes, of course, he came out with grandfather in an old flat-nosed lime-juicer —England, of course, tho land of tho free and the week-ending plae« for the Zepps. Ho, we're setting on." " 'Are you a British subject?' My oath, I an>. I 'If naturalised, state—oh, that onlv concerns A. 11. Atkinson and H. G. Hill."

" 'Placo of address and business' — easy one that! 'Occupation?'—paying bills. No, dear, I didn't mean that. It slipped out. Hm! that's all ri'. Now, over the page. " 'Height.' Now. what height am I? Here, Mag, get hold of that tray, and hold it plumb against the wall, just above my head. Easy! Don't make a groove in my crown—that's it; just so as I can move me head from side to side. That's about it. Now get tho tape measure 1" ' Maggio hurried away to get the_ tape measure, forgetting to mark the Height on the door. "Ha, that's right!" said John. "Where's the mark?" "I didn't make one—l went to get the tape measure!" protested Maggie. "Well, -I'm—nover mind. Do it all over again, and make a mark with a pin or a bayonet, or anything. Got it? Right! Hm! —sft. G£-in. in me boots. D'ye know, Maggie, I've been deluding myself I was a big man. Why, that's just the samo as I measured twenty years ago." "Precisely!" said Maggie, with lofty intellectuality. " 'Weight?' Wonder what a man ought to weigh who is oft. 6in. in height? Let mo see —give me that health book with tho tablo in it, just for fun. Five-foot-six, nine stone seven pounds. ' Good lor'! I'm eleven stone twelve pounds. Suppose I'd better tell tho truth?" "Certainly, John; I like fat men better than thin ones," said Maggie admiringly. "Ah, well," sighed the little fat man, "we can't be roaming Romeos all our lives, and I must say I feel very comfortable if I'm not what Colonel Gibbon would call 'fit.'" " 'State whether your general health is very good, good, indifferent, or bad!' Now, what would you call my health, Maggio. You'vo known mo for a, long time—intimately." "Oh, good, John!" "Yes,' I think so. 'If suffering from blindness, deafness' —oh, we'll out all that out. Now, here wo are, 'service, if any.' Private in tho Wellington City Rifles in tho days when the world was wido and the Huns hunncd not. Length of service, six months."

"Now, this is important—'have you volunteered for'—'No-' 'If you have not volimtered for service, are you, being a single man' —no, that doesn't concern me. All, here we are —'or a married man or widower with dependents, willing to become a member of on expeditionary force?' Now, I'm not _ a widowor, am I, Maggie ?—no, a married man with dependents, that's me. Now what am I to say to that, Maggie? This is where you come in!" "Oh, I don't know, John. I don't want to lose you, but if ihe worst cornea to the,worst, I suppose you'll have to go, but !" "There, there, answered like a brave little woman. I'll say yes—in an emergency, and have done with it. Wo will all liavo to do our bit before it's all over!'" : •. "Now—let me see—bow many dependents? There's you " "Now, John, you're just as much dependent on mo as I am on you!" protested Maggie, purposely misunderstanding her husband. "Yes, but they don't mean that. There's you and Tootams, and the baby. There you aro. Good lor' (looking at his watch), I've missed my car. That'll mean ten minutes late. Ta-ta I By-byo, Tootumsj be a good little girl I"