THE LADY AND HER HAT.

Dominion, Volume 6, Issue 1696, 12 March 1913, Page 8

THE LADY AND HER HAT.

A CAUSE OP MANY TROUBLES,

[BY/"Mkke MERE."]

The married man and the jester for the comic papers are generally tne persons who are given ercdit for knowing how long it takes u lady to put ou her hat. 'Jo must now be auded a considerable section of a picnic party which journeyed lo Trentinun by a certain train on Saturday. The train-was stationary within view of the ground, and the picnickers' carriage was emptying fast when a lady stopped at the (icor to adjust her headgear. Oil the carriage platform she sought the advice of a lriend on the subject, and to the relief of those impatiently waiting to alight, they seemed likely to come to a decision as to whether "it was on straight" or not, when the train begufi to move.

"She (meaning the train) is only shunting," said one man, as some of. the "illtending departures" showed signs of dismay. . .

"I wished she (glowering towards the woman) had 'shunted,'" tartly retorted his lady friend, as the. train gathered momentum, and the compulsory travellers were too dumbfounded to think of calling, uut even one solitary adieu lo their friends. In silence they retreated to their seats, and after a moment or tw,o of utter despair at'the situation, gazing blankly at the pictureciuesness of the landscape now quickly flitting by, two or three of the men. rose in their frenzied might. They would find the guard. Woo to that official—he should bo the scapegoat! To tlio uttermost limits of the train they sought him, and their solace was that the train would stop at the next station. And on that platform in that wilderness lo the picnickers, they further sought him out. Why, asked the.chairman of the Picnic Committee, who was of the number, had he (the guard) abducted them away from their comrades? .

"I /iv'aited three minutes at Trentham;" courteously returned the official.

"Not half a minute!" chorussed the picnickers, unreasonably, now forgetting the lady and her hat—the real cause of all their troubles.

"I'm sorry," said the guard. The depiN tationists were also sorry, but not a little angry, for why, said they, did every other little tiupot station on the way (Sliades of I'etone, Lower Hutt, and Kaiwarra) have tlie honour of being surveyed by picnic party for nearly a quarter of an hour each? How were they to get back?,

"Walk," said the guard, laconically. "It's not far," lie continued, as he pointed in the direction where the glistening metals dwindled away into the hazy beyond. He then waved an arm, semaphore fashion, blew his whistle, and, with a gesture that denoted weariness .if tho mooijy company he was in, leapt on board his mice-more-moving train. AVith a perversion of an old couplet to: "A little walking _now and then

Is relished by the wisest men," the wanderers took up the allotted trail, and soon they were strung out, Indian file, over about two-hundred yards of railway track. The men-folk were of nowspaperdom, all slaves of the lamp, and their spirits soon rose in the freshening atmosphere of this compulsory morning ramble. The twittering of countless small birds in the shelter pines oil the wayside was about to induce speculative birds'-nesting, when a bright-eyed lady espied many-clumps of blackberries, and these provided a diversion, which completely restored ruffled temperaments. And then, like the famous African explorer, "On, Stanley, on," once again. What if short cuts proved delusive, and in attempting one a lady got hung up in a five-barred gateway! It was the annual picnic, and there were doubtless many Imppy hours in store.

The roof-tops of Trentham racecourse ultimately rose on the horizon, and the shouts of the merrymakers, who did not tarry on the trnin, put a new spring into the "step of the marching band.- There had been some inquiries about their welfare, the wandering ones were informed ill consolation, but "we knew you had only been carried on to Wallaceville." "Only" been "carried on"—yes—but "only," nlso, had to walk back, as there are 110 taxicabs plying for hire at Wallaceville.