THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 6, Issue 1582, 28 October 1912, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEWt [Br M.C.KJ "These Balkans, Jawn, is a tough, proposition, but I'm follyin' th' wax with intherest," said Mr. Dooley. "Yo can't make head or tail i* it," said Jtr. Hennessy. "Well, now, Hiniossy, what d'ye take mo f'r? War^-wnr 1 don't intherest me. I'm only studyin' th' jogrnphy iv it, an' th' spellin'. In th' ould days whin a ralo ■war wuz oh, 'twas a case iv.Ginoral Jones an' Colonel Smith flghtin' at places with names ye cud believe wuz real. But 'tis clare f annywan that this here Balkans war is a fake. These here cables is wrote day be day be George Berrnard Shaw or Mary Corelli, in ordher t' keep th' public nmused. If th' average reader, as Hogan calls him, didn't get a fair amount iv news, he wud write f th' pa-aper, an' say Bomewan wuz suppressin' fao's in th' intherest ir somewan, profc'ly a capitalist. Th' fact is, that this is th' off season f'r burglaries and murrdors an' divorces, an' th' pa-apoxs have had t' hiro wan iv th' thrained serial story writers f fill th' gap. As a ctovy 'tis a mighty poor wan— th' plot has as much strength nn' objec' as th' Opp'sition. Th' characters are Dagoes f a man, which is an outrage on eommon sense. But perhaps this is th' new futurist arrt. An' th' places are onconvinein'. I don't deny that he's a smarrt lad, is mo frind Shaw, in th' way iv inventin' names. They ain't anny place ■ called Podgoritza, but they ought' t' be. I'll calf) me' villa Podgoritza, if it ain't n breach iv' George Berrnard's copyright. 'But Beorge is gettin' careless, Atfirrst his names wuz smart wans, but he's fallin' away, an' writin' about Taradosch an' Iffki Pasha. I can tell Georgo Berrnard (hat he can't tako these liberties with us, f'r all that he's Georgo Berrnard. He'll have t' bo sacked bo th' Press Association of he'don't buck up. Annyway, Jawn, 'tis a gran' exercise in spellin'." "But what-about jography, if. these Barnes is fakes ?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Ye can do as I do, an' think out where such places ought f bo. Hogan tells me that 'tis Conan Doyle that writes th' Balkan serial, an' I think it may possibly be so. Annyway, I've got on th' safe side bo bettin' Hogan that 'twas'Nicholas that Stole th' will."-

"No> one In the position of Sir Joseph Ward Bhould have been addressed in the torms used by tho chairman."—Mr. A. M. Myers.

.Now, boys and girls, what did the ■ chair-man say? He said: "Please re-ply to the ques-tion." This was vcr-y rude of him. He should have known not to ask Sir Jo-seph that. : And why, boys and girls? It was not be-causo he is a Bnr-on-et. Oh,' not at all. Bar-on-cts, dear child-ren, are just like you and me and , the butcher and the ord-in-ar-y man. Was it be-cause Sir Joseph is a great man? You must not think so, be-cause great ■ wen do not mind if you say "Please re- , ply to the cpies-tion." That is what great men are for. Was it be-cause Sir Jo-seph was once tho man who govern-ed the land and made men J.P.'s and said who should havo a road and who should not? Of pourso not. Was it per-haps be-cause Mister My-ers likes Sir Joseph, nnd thinks Sir Jo-seph is the on-ly one? Per-haps it was, child-ren. But the rea-son real-ly was that Sir Jo-seph is the pink of court-es-y. 'Al-ways be court-e-ous, boys and girls. Ho never said, a rudeword to anyone, and it hurt Mis-ter My-ers that tho yPro-fess-or and In-vent-or and Solo Pat-ent-ee of Good Maimers ■ and Choice Lang-u-nge should have been'asked by the chair-man to do any-thing. Who is the chair-man? Is ho rich? No. He does not --■■owtt a mot-6r-car; he is not a Bar-on-et; he was not de-feared at the e-lect-ion; he did not give a Dread-nought to Old England. He has no past, children. Ho is a rude man. The tooth-acho is a painful thing,'is it not? But it has mora man-nets than Mis-ter Hino. It nev-er dares to wor-Ty Sir Jo-seph. Tho rain is al-ways care-ful not to wet him. Zct this be a les-son, boys and girls, on the need for be-ing nice to great men.

"How-they are sports!" exclaimed tho intelligent foreigner. "Regard how, after nil, America justifies this that one says of her. Mister Johnson is—what you call it? —down and out. Could the proud Eagle always permit the nigger to extract his feathers? :By blue, no! Ono permitted this Johnson to assault all the white champions of the boxing. Ono, two, three—oh, fifty of them! I saw the white hopes enter -the ring, and always I saw them carried_to the hospital. Mister Johnton sometimes complain .that white America is not fair. What dog? Retribution has overtaken him. The great heart of America, is still strong. How to deal with this large black man? That was the question, as says Shakespearo. Tho police come to tho rescue—the police K> admirable of New York. We had said to ourselves, 'Alas, tho spirit of America is broken! The Eagle.screams no more! The 6tatuo of, Liberty has 'fallen i '.Ted Koosevelt has ceased to be '.' i But wo did not know. They arrest 'Mister' Johnson suddenly! The Eagle screamed, and the American people rushed to the gaol.with lopes. Why did one arrest, him? Who cared? Nobody. America docs not sit down and think like a useless' scientist.' Was he guilty? Pouf-rubbish! Whathas that to do? They order'that'his'hotel be shut. Mister Jeffries'is'informed he won the fight. The newspapers /declare they knew it all along. Poor Mister Johnson! Ninety thousand brave hearts have challenged him to fight. His name, it is Mud. Ono cannot always. Sho will rise and slay in the end. I love this dear America, my old!"

A Christchurch clergyman has objected to the presence of billiard tables in v Y.H.C.A. institutions. ''What," ho asked, "will be tho.result of this innovation?" .Very shrewdly, ho pointed out that instead of sleeping upon it, or using it as a vaulting horse, the young mon would bo almost certain to use the' billiard table for playing billiards. Tho career of the young man who takes the first step of chalking his cue was sketched in lurid outline by tho reverend gentleman. "May this not bo tho first step towards tho game for 'a shilling up,' towards the gambling fever, towards tho suicide's grave?" Brethren, 'it may. "Why on earth should wo stop at billiards?" • ho added. Why indeed. Consider tho cow, my friends. fc Cows load to milk, and may not milk bo a first step towards rum and milk, towards moro rum and milk, and more and more, towards drunkenness, unemployment, theft, imprisonmont, gaolbreaking, murder, and the gallows, in that order? Consider tobacco, how it leads to indigestion, with tho sequenco of bad tenipor, wife-beating, imprisonment, and death. And swimming baths: I have refilling to say against swimming in itself, but may not swimming lend to drowning, and oven to mixed bathing? In this age we aro not careful enough to look ahead. Wo cannot consider ourselves a serious Christian people until tho sight of a billiard table, a cow, a swimming bath, instantly floods the mind with horrifying visions, like bad biograph films, of young men rushing towards the gallows.