THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 6, Issue 1576, 21 October 1912, Page 8

THE CHANGING SCENE.

[Bx M.CXf

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

"But how It is hard,, to be r worker 1" exclaimed the intelligent foreigner, " 'AtH?". said tho Federationist. "I should say it' was, wot with the vile machinations of Capital α-grindin , of us down ter prevent tho comin.' of solidarity an' brother'ood. 'Ard, do yer say? If you was a worker — -'' ' "What horrible suggestion, my old! Nothing of more difficult than to be a ■worker antt a brother-man, I have tried. I purchased a costume of dungareo, rushed on to the wharf, and embraced a worker. Hβ was large, and he was not clean, but, name of a pipe! he was a brother. I embraced him, and he kicked me. Astonished, I demand him why. 'Scab I' he say, 'whore is your ribbon Ted?' This make me sad. This is not brotherhood, I tell myself. But at the meeting, my old, it is far worse. My brother workers engage in combat like footballers. I am excited, and stand upon a chair. 'Give us work!' I cried. 'Com rades, do we not demand work?' Instantaneously one knock me down—there is a painful confusion—l am tossed and buf. feted—l hear a cry, Tut the scab out'— and behold, I am seated on the pave, ment. ■ I realise I was tho scab. Obviously, brotherhood is not so easy to learn. What am I to do? The language of the worker is easy, never'less. One but says 'Scab!' One meets all occasions by saying: 'Scab!'. But the policy ■is not to be comprehended. I will relign, by blue!" "Scab!" said the .Federationist. "Naturally, my old. I shall coase to he a worker. I shall give it up. I shall feo back ,to work."

"R. Arnst has arrived in Australia. Hβ has no excuse to'offer for his defeat. Eβ merely states that... the best man won." iWhile the leaders, the sub-leaders, and the mere , "fill-up" paragraphs of the Opposition are telling each other how sad it is that poor Arnst should hare become insane,: the rest of us will mix our re(rret and delight and meditate upon it in-a corner. First, the regret: that the simple method of Arnst is not in vogue amongst politicians. If it were we should not have to listen to the sixteen or seventeen Opposition commanders explaining that they are in Opposition as the result of a' campaign, of calumny, by the weather, the price of meat, tho IWaihi striko, the trouble in the Balkans, and the unscrupulous manner in which they were represented.as being responsible for the Lyell mining disaster, and next year's earthquake in Siberia. They would not declare that they represent the-400,000 voters who would have voted for them had they not voted as they ought not to have voted., They would simply say that they were • in.,■ Opposition and hoped for better luck next timo. But there aro compensations. If the oarsmen and the Oppositionists changed places, how painful it would be to see Mr. Knssell and Mr. Payne contesting the world's championship. Their vociferous exchanges of .violent remarks! 'The complicated fouls H;he final capsize when they began to .use the oars on each other—and the recriminations that' would last thereafter for years! On the whole things are better as they are. It would be pleasant to have decent politics, but it is far more important ftp have decent sculling;

"No, my boy," said the cheerful man, "I worry very little about the German Navy. I do not r«ad the speeches of Sir Edward Grey, and I pay no attention to the Dreadnoughts. These are not the secrets of England's greatness any more than the Bible is. The only, cable, mes- . Bage of real importance this week was . that one which, chronioled Sir G«orge Eeid's farewell to Canada. He wound up a fine run of banquets with a luncheon ' and a smoke concert, and lam privately jidvised that he now weighs 39 stone. If . is by dinners, my. boy, that the Empire maintains its integrity; and there is not the slightest indication that this Imperial policy is weakening. Germany may build all the ships she cares to, but Germany has not learned either how to '■—eat dinners or how to make after-dinner speeches upon the ties of Empire. It ie no use saying tho other nations will learn to follow our example: they can't. Even the Japanese: could Japan ever produce tone public man (not to mention 75,000 public men, such as the Empire boasts) capable of eating 11 courses and standing up to 26 toasts? I don't wish, to disparage the ATmy and the Navy—God bless them—but the 'first line of defence is tho great corps of Imperial Banqueters. Two fcoels to one is all very good, of course; but I feel far more secure when I reflect that our statesmen are maintaining the two-dinners-to-one standard. If Germany does outbuild ,the Empire, we can easily , out-banquet her. The'historian of the fuhrre will not take treaties and' dispatches and naval plans for hie material. ■He will put them in. an. appendix to his ;work. The vital historical documents are the menus." . ■

•"Well, Jawn," said Mr. Dooley, "I see ' that America's med a. start with praotical an' straightforward tactics. Wan ; iv th" citizens iv Milwaukee, where th' lieer an' the sido-whiskeTS come from, has plugged me frind Teddy. I thrust this is 1 a beginning. There's been too much .. argument in pollytios. Whin y'oTe con- . yinced that Bill Massey'e guidon' th' jcounthry f Toon, ye can't do annythin,' but Wait till mex' election an' vote f'r Bob irietcher. This primitivo method has pre- , .vailed long enough. Whin I luk at the jpollyticians iv anny parrty anny where, I reelise that th' day iy th' gun has arrived. Give me a gun an;' I'm ready t' argue ; th' point with annywan an' feel that th' ~ Tirgument ain't just academical. 'Ft all j practical purrposes, I fed di6franchiscd. iYe can't even heave a rock at a member |v Parlymint without gettin' hnrrt, an~ ,lh' p"int is reached ivery day now at ; Ivhich mere protest should end an' rocks }>sgin. There's a gran' future dawning Itpugh. The man who fired at me frind ; Tiddy ought t' have known nawthin' less i than a ten-inch gun ivud penothrate him, : but he's set the ball rollin'. In future th' candydate will thravel in a chilled steel tank. Can't ye imagine th'' scene at his ! moetin'? Ido not,' he saye, 'favour th' abolition iv poverty. (Enthusiastio firing.) Nor do I intend t , vote excep' as seems good. (Prolonged explosions.) Whin tV P Bmoke clares away,' he says, 'I will con- ,■ tinue,' and eo on. As I told ye befuro, Jaws, pollytics will become a sthruggle ! between armour and guns, an' th' man ■who can dodge quickest and wears th' thickest armour an' ie quickest in throwin' himself flat when th' dynamite goes ; Dff, will get in. An' iv coor6e th' will settle its debates th' same way. They will bo really food pollytics then." j "But wudn*t all th' pollyticians be killed " asked Mr. Hennessy. [ "They wud. Thcf a why we'd, get good pollyticß."-